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How To Help My Husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Oct 16, 2018.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear friend,

    Kindly see my OP. I have clearly mentioned there that BM is not an issue, and I dont encourage people to fight over it here, as my problem is my H, and his worry about his folks betrayal. Even I titled my thread accordingly.

    Seriously I was confused as to why on earth this many people are offended for that single line in my post, where I spoke casually about Indian community as a response to a poster, who offended my feelings by degrading myself and whole Sri Lankans by quoting BM could have been a serious problem of Sri Lanka, and that's why I am so much obsessed about it, and unnecessarily blaming my innocent PILs.

    I didn't know that posters' comments were deleted, but my response to her comments remains unchanged. I just noticed that. There was not even a notification about it.
    Now I understand why everyone of you are super angry on me, as it seems I deliberately pulled Indian community here to offend.
    God promise, that's not and never my intention here.


    Ya, I am confident that time heals everything.

    And he is doing fine now. Of course shocked, sad, and upset. But progressing.,....
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2018
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  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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  3. prettywoman2

    prettywoman2 Senior IL'ite

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    Wow, that’s a very strong and condescending post! I’d choose to not respond coz I guess there is no point... I am outta here..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 21, 2018
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  4. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Finest Post Winner

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    SGBV, sorry my intention is not to victim blame. The only things that caught my attention were the following assumptions A) your inlaws practice BM
    B) Indian Tamils practice BM
    C) You giving your husband the choice to disconnect from his parents is totally justified considering your history with them.
    You say BM is not the issue here but it seems like it is a major issue for you.
    If you do not believe in it then the idea that your IL’s practice BM should not even bother you or cause distress to your husband.
    This BM BS is not worth your peace of mind or your husband’s health. Take care.
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you.
    1) BM is not an issue for me, but it is a major issue for my H - who is an Indian.
    From him and his folks alone I learnt all these BM matters, and it obviously freaks me out as it is a serious matter for those who believe in it. Unfortunately my H believes that, and I should pay enough attention to him.
    From my perspective, it is the God, whom we worship gives us the protection. But from my H's perspective, there is no protection as such, unless we do certain protective measures by not allowing Satan (though BM) to our place/lives.
    I respect his faith and that's how we handled the whole thing.
    After marriage, there is no I, but everything should be We only.....

    2) As I explained in my reply to the previous poster, there is a reason behind why I mentioned Indian Tamils for BM above. Because one poster deliberately told me that it must have been Sri Lankans who practice BM, and that's why I am into such discussion here, and not Indians, so it is unfortunate that I drag my innocent PILs into such a trap. I did not like that comment, and I responded to her from my understanding, that it is the Indian Tamils in my country who are obsessed about BM than the rest. And I am sorry, if my language was offensive.

    If my reply would have been viewed in-line with her comments, it wouldn't have been sounded abusive. But unfortunately these Mods have edited her post, and now her post looks like a very decent comment.
    Since my response to her post remains unedited, it looks odd, offensive, and unnecessary response as if I have deliberately pulled all the Indian community for no reason.
    Now I understand why everyone is angry on me.
    It is so unfortunate, but not my fault.

    3) The BM was just yet another way of their interference to disturb our life.
    It can be a useless matter, but their intention to use BM as one last resort to destroy our marriage is a key concern here.
    I could not prove any other nasty efforts of PILs to my H, as they act so nice before him and make me look like an outsider all the time. But this time, this BM made my H open his eyes, and see who his parents were.
    In fact, no one from my circle would have taken this BM stuff seriously, but they would have considered the other abusive behavior of my PILs to cut complete ties with them. But in my case it is the reverse that my H did not think it is not all right when they abused us all the way. But he takes this BM thing seriously.

    Whatever it is, it is a WIN situation for me. But my worry is my H's extreme sadness and disappointment about all this now. That's why I came here with a thread.

    Because of one poster, the whole thread got diverted.
     
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  6. lavani

    lavani Silver IL'ite

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    you know your issues better than anyone. so i do not think you have explain to anyone. there have been threads where someone called b**tch for no reason.

    anyways that being said, i would suggest pick up the best and forget the rest .

    any chance of getting your H to the same place and he can work there too.
     
  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I have been trying my best to bring him here. But so far no luck. In fact, he has shown some interest at least by applying for jobs abroad only recently. So, it obviously takes time for further process.
    In the mean time, I have written to my HR to consider some other duty stations where I could take my family with.
    This place is good though, but there is no point of changing my kid's studies from English to French for this shorter stay.
    That's why I am reluctant.
    Unless my H too gets a post, I can renew mine and plan for a longer stay, so that it is worth even if it can be troublesome with kid's studies initially. They are still small, and they can pick it up.

    But my preferable choice is to move away from here to somewhere else with family very soon. Will see, how luck favors us
     
  8. lavani

    lavani Silver IL'ite

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    aha . troubles of the modernized world.

    last night my H was joking , may be farming itself was not a bad idea ( his parents were farmers ) . life was cool . though more hard work. here he worries about immigration, keeping skill update, missing his old mom and brother family. Same for me too :)
     
  9. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    I don't think that the issue is whether sgbv or her husband believes if black magic works or not. If someone does black magic to bring ill on you and that person is a supposedly a dear one it is a betrayal whether bm works or not. One would not want that person close and interacting with your children if they wish bad on you. Whether their wish works or not, the negative energy can have effects on you.
    I still say that your husband need to talk to his parents. Call out on their tricks and move forward from their. Bring your family together at the earliest chance.
     
  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    This is my point.
    Regardless of BM, their intention to reach out for BM to bring ill to our family is the problem.
    They have brought ill to our family in the past 10 years by so many ways, but my H had always taken them lightly.
    But this time, he could not accept it.
    I too don't think this BM was a useless thing. Despite of its presence at our home, we managed to live a moderate life. That too in spite of our ill mannered PILs as our neighbors.
    But what I highlight here as well as to my H is to note their intention.

    My H went there, and told them everything. Unlike other times, PILs didn't react at all.
    We just left this at it.... At least I am happy that my H got some clarity now
     

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