How To Help My Husband

oh dears....
First of all my apologies for not being able to visit IL due to some busy office works here.

I thank you everyone for taking your time to respond to my thread here as well as through PMs, and i count you as a blessing in my life.
Thank you @lavani, @sweetsmiley , @beautifullife30 , @SunPa @Brevity @Rakhii @Amulet @Sunshine04 @abcd5 @nakshatra1 @troubledmom and @SinghManisha (and sorry if I have missed anyone else.....)

Before I clarify my points, please let me offer you some info, which you might need now or later.....
Answering in relationship threads is more or less similar to offering supportive counselling. That needs lot and lot of empathy.
Empathy is not sympathizing or knowing exactly what the OP shares. But it is the ability to walk on their shoes for the moment you participate in their threads.
Having said that, a person with a decade long marital battle with her abusive PILs and affected H would have been tired at a point when she comes here to vent. She does have many other priorities both at her personal and professional life to take care of. Therefore, IL may not be the best place to judge her language or general knowledge, but this is the platform to analyze her problems.

As OP, I may have made language mistakes, generalized a few things foolishly, and contradicted in my words in the posts. It is not because I intend this thread to publicly shame a particular community.... It is just a mistake that happens when you are not on the right frame of mood to express.
And it is utterly unnecessary to analyze posts by word by word, to find faults and contradictions in this post... so that you can prove that my post was intentional, and the matter here is not about my problem, not about my H's depression but about my generalized statement about Indian community on their BM practice.

It is unfortunately very similar to victim blaming for sexual abuse in our world.
Instead of empathizing with the victim, we tend to analyze her as who she is, and highlight her dressing, lifestyle, and her mistakes as a talking point to re victimize her. And we completely forget the culprit here. Same happens in my case too.

 

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Forget about this.......

The problem clearly is not about BM.
It is about my PILs intention to separate us.
They have tried every way since the past 10 years to separate us. And this BM allegedly was one of them.
Even if we exclude this BM matter from my life, the point is my PILs are our enemies, and they want us to lose in our marriage.

Now, my question is... whether to allow them mingle in our lives, play with the minds of my H and our little kids only to create further trouble in our marriage (as it is their only motive).
OR
To stay away from them....

By asking my H to chose between them and I, I intended to make him a wise decision to know which one is his family.
Eg: If his mom asks him to eat her food every day, and he is not sure where to eat... and this is where he needs to chose.
All these while, he was unable to chose as he was not given a choice. He just ate his mom's food at night as he could not say NO to her. (and for your kind info, we eat our lunch at work, so there is no way that he could eat my food regularly)
Choosing not necessarily mean cutting complete ties from his parents, but choosing means to prioritize. Specifically keeping their evil attitude in mind, learning to ignore them and learning to stand by his own family all time time is important.

This is what I have mentioned in my latter post, that I did not ask him to cut complete ties with them.

Now as readers, you all are encouraged to read between the lines, and the whole post to understand what is intended.
You are expected to listen to understand, and not listen to answer. (so, please stop reading the lines alone without understanding the whole meaning).