How To Help My Husband

Many of you may have read my recent update in life about how PILs stooped so low to do which craft/black magic against us.

I request the readers to give some empathy to this case, though this subject matter may be out of your faith.
Unless you witness this or experience the effect both physically and emotionally, no one can understand or relate to this. So, it is not a surprise if you don't understand what I say.
Besides, I am not here to discuss this BM issue with you people, rather the after effects, to which I honestly need some guidance. Hence I count on you guys

After knowing that there is some evil spirit in the home, we were skeptical and obviously didn't want take that route.
But repeatedly the behavior of my PILs sounded unnatural and suspicious; hence we finally decided to check this one last time.
We have tried all the other means, in the mean time to resolve our problems in the past 1 decade by the way.

So, this priest came, found a BM stuff which was kept at a place where we had all the suspicion because of MIL's mysterious behavior towards that area, and finally it was removed. The priest has asked us to stay happy as there will not be any problems in our lives.
Since he refused to reveal the evil doer, we were in panic, as we did not know who the culprit was.

Remember... our problem wasn't about the fear of BM. Because we were doing moderately fine with reasonable blessings in life despite of the presence of that BM stuff in our home for long. So, there is absolutely nothing to bother after removing it. Besides, we both are very religious in our respective faiths; hence believed nothing could shake us.

But...But... But...our concern was to understand who had this evil mind to destroy us? who was that enemy? who among the close buddies (as the priest roughly indicated it is done by a close buddy) to go upto this level to destroy our family?
If he/she could do this once, he/she could repeat the same, or even worst attempt than this down the line against us.
The priest can say, we are safe from BM hereafter... But what if they try poison us or the kids? what if they interfere into our live and decisions with a wrong intention?
So, we were curious to know the identity of the culprit.

My H took an alternate route through his faith, and found out similar response from that pandit, which cleared his doubt. And the pandit gave some identity which sounded very similar to PILs. Even then my H refused to accept it.
So, he reached out to that priest who removed this BM to ask who exactly did this. He somehow reveled to my H, and it was proved as my PILs.

Now that I or my folks did not need any revelation as we knew it must have been PILs, since we are witnessing their evil acts since 1 decade.
But it was utter shock to my H, as he has always been blindfolded and was in complete denial of their acts.

Now that my H started to realize it, and accept it and hence told PILs to stay away from us. He doesn't even talk to any of his buddies.

But it affects him so much emotionally.

Initially when he was in denial, my folks were rude at him and in a way I too asked him to chose between I and his folks, as I could not take their crap anymore.
My folks were so serious this time, as they don't want to see me in pain again and again because of his parents and his blind eye. Now that with a proof, they asked him to decide. I too was on the same note when we had the final discussion after the revelation.

So, finally my H chose to take our side and said that he can never accept anyone do such a thing against his own family.
Read, we are not really stressing about this BM part here. Our message to him is to see what his parents are capable of doing to his family, and what their intentions are.
I might need a separate thread to write what I went through by my PILs in this life, and many of you already know it. Besides, any one who hears me saying my suffering can easily guess who is the culprit and the mode of their drama. But sadly, despite of proving all these with evidence, my H chose to ignore them.
So, I and my kids were forced to find our own coping mechanism to secure ourselves. And more importantly, all these interventions damaged our marriage to a considerable extend.
Now that, obviously none of us could give them another chance by giving a blind eye to this recent development.
All we want is some assurance from H, that he equally hate our family's enemy as much as we are (read we= me and kids)
But we don't request him to cut ties with them or stop loving them. But just to be vigilant, so that it wont be that difficult to judge their intentions down the line.
But it was his choice to cut ties with them at that heated moment.

Although he seems normal at home, spending time with kids, going to work and eat well... everyone say he seems so down and has no concentration.
Since I live far away from him, and will be there only in Dec, I really don't know what's going on.
Except for a couple of breakdowns on and off (slight voice change as if he is about to cry) he speaks normal with me though.

We have stopped talking this matter at all. None with him.
My mom has tried to talk to him with lots of affection and he reciprocate to it too.

But I heard from his best friends that he broke down with them, and is in depression.
They even reached out to me to say how much he is broken, and seems so down and clueless.
They urged me to give so much love, but regardless of the number of my calls and messages, he stays neutral.
Eg: If I say I love you or I miss you from here, he won't respond immediately. When he responds, he would send unrelated msgs like kids are sleeping, work finished like that.
And if I call 10 times, he picks just once and say he is busy.
This is not unnatural, as he is like this with phones, and he doesn't know how to show his love either. But I know 100% that he loves me.
My problem is how to reach out to him if he is unavailable most of the time?

I am really bothered about his health (as he has mild BP and diabetes) and I know they get aggravate if you are in stress.
I am bothered about his driving, as he seems lost concentration now
And I know the stats of male suicide at this age (he will be 40 soon) among men who pretend to be strong, but very weak inside (my H is one among them).
I might be over thinking.... but it hurts, specially when I am living very far from home.

I know it is hard to learn that your own parents can have evil thinking against you. Not everyone can take it. Specially these Indian children who believe their parents are the living Gods.
Having no close buddy to talk to, at the absence of wife can be horrible too, specially silent type guys like my H.

I should help him, save him and lead a trouble free life at least from now on.... Help me

 

First of all I did not ask him to cut ties with his folks

Second of all, it was me who went through all the troubles from his folks, which once made me to attempt to commit suicide in 2011. After which my health got deteriorated and my folks took extra step to change me the person who I am today.
And after which also I've faced similar crap, but I fought every time without giving in.
Now that every one says it was my H's fault that he let this happen to his family. He should have done something earlier to prevent this as well to save his wife. But he showed a blind eye each time though caring me, but defending his family as though it was pure misunderstanding.
Now that we stressed him to think about it.

Because, for me, it is OK if he mingles and talk with him. But it is dangerous if they feed him or visit our home or take the kids with them as they are our neighbors only.
He needs to think how to balance this. And he says he can't mingle with them anymore after knowing they had done something against him and his family. And it is obvious that he feels betrayed.

As for not sharing anything with me.... it is much to do with our long distance relationship and my long term hatred for his family. It is obvious that he can't share these with me as the way he shares with his best friend. That's why best friends are for
Even I vent a lot here, and with my besties in the past 10 years because I could not do the same with my H without spoiling our relationship. The design is like this only....

 

I am seriously thinking about it now
Not sure how stressed he is. Usually he is very cool and calm guy who won't take problems to his heart/mind. Even when my son was down with dengue and hospitalized, and I was panicking like hell, stressed... but he kept his calm which helped me to handle myself.
There were so many trials and turbulence in our lives as this earlier, like certain health concerns made me undergo biopsy and waited for the results, and repeated checkups and so everyone at home would somewhat die inside out of fear. But he would be cool, and wait hopefully and positively.
I know this betrayal is something different and he may find it difficult.

I just saw a FB post about male suicide under the age of 50 due to depression, and that struck a code in me

 

MIL is only 60 and FIL is 70 and their diet is one of the best, as they don't eat meat and drink lot of milk and do all the chores by themselves instead of keeping domestic helpers.


As for routine check ups, he does that yearly. The last one showed diabetic and BP conditions at basic levels. He is taking medication, and I am following that up with him.
But this stress level and our distance relationship is something unexpected at this time

 

For now, I have spoken with 2 of his besties, who are very much known to me.
He has actually reached out to them and vented, to which they have already helped by taking him to that alternate pandit and also by listening to him.

Now that I have asked them to visit him often, and talk to him as much as they can.