How To Handle

Hello @Sweetygals - From your description,I feel that your husband is frustrated by something and just takes it out on you because there is no one else to take it out on.There is something going on with him.May be job pressure or his family issues.But that doesn't mean he needs to shout or yell at you and your child.
In my opinion,just ignore him for a few days.I know its easier said than done but try doing so.Silence is the best when dealing with immatures.Also,before you jump into doing household work,first take care of yourself.Eat something first before you start doing household work.You have to take care of yourself first.In any case,as you described,he just finds fault in what you do ,no matter how much hard work that may be.So,its better to do only that much what you can manage without fully exhausting yourself.Just do the necessary and if he ever asks why he is not getting snacks etc anymore,just say that you didn't like the way I made them.Use your energy to spend time with your kid.I get immense pleasure to eat out sometimes ,just me alone.We are humans too and should pamper ourselves.
As to his not disclosing his family details,let him be.Just politely enquire their well being and current affairs time to time.If you get a decent answer,good.Otherwise,let it be.
Keep your finances in order and a part of your salary apart.
These are my suggestions to you.Just keep your spirits up.

 

OP, many men like to find a clone of their mom in their wife. I have also faced slightly similar comparisons from my husband..I got fed up. I told him, I am not your mom. I don't want to be. I am a totally different individual and I am not a perfectionist the way his mom is. If he thinks he can do a better job, do it himself. If you give respect I will give you the same . You are talking this way because you don't love or respect me. If so ,you should have accepted me as I am. I am ready to accept or learn, but forcing me to do it is not going to work. I will do things when I have energy and mood to do..I am already doing as much as I can. This is what I can do I can't do more Etc and walked away.. I have completely ignore all his talks in that direction. It was tough initially, but he is kind of accepted it.

If he shout at you , be calm and cool , and walk away. Don't encourage. Ignore.. show there is effect by going to silent mode.. if he cool down and try to talk to you or complain that you don't love or tslk him , then tell him in a composed and cool way that the shouting is totally unacceptable and it is giving you lot of stress. You are an adult and educated one, you need to learn to talk well with respect to others . You are setting a bad example for your kid. You love your mom a lot .. but you are teaching your own kid how to disrespect and shout at their own mother . But I don't want to teach them to disrespect their father by shouting back because I love you and respect you. You are my dh ,you can convey anything to me in a decent way. But this way makes me sad and worried..I will talk to you only when you talk to me without shouting Etc... first you treat me well like a wife then I will treat your mom the way you like...etcc..

OP, I wrote some dialogues based own my experience, but fine tune it for your case if you think you can apply.

In my own experience, we should demand respect. Never allow any one to sit on our head or treat us like door mat..if someone try , walk away from the turbulent scene. Later let them know in cool way ( no crying,no arguments) that their behavior is totally unacceptable.
Giving a reaction by ignoring or silent treatment (for me this indicates minimum talk on common kid or home related topic, while maintaining a complete emotional detachment so the other person can feel it. ) Dont fall for emotional blackmailing.

Don't expect anything from ils.. maintain a neutral attitude .The issue that they all are a team while you are an outsider, is a common scenario. Maintain a respectable distance as it give some peace of mind. Also dont overdo things because your dh demanded it.. Do whatever you can and ignore demands you canot accept . Good luck

 

@Sweetygals - @DDream's way of handling is good.You can try this with your own modifications.Also,next time he talks about you not loving him,ask him politely that how can you love him while getting shouted at all the time.He might get angry again but say this and walk away.

 

These kind of guys should marry their mom

 

Ignore.You have already mentioned it once in a light hearted way but you got his response. Sometimes it's better to let them have their way.If it's wrong , they will realize their mistake in their own good time.Even if you ask him again, it is unlikely he is going to transfer the property in his name.You will unnecessarily lose your peace of mind in making him understand and he is still going to do what he feels right.

 

Op, be careful when you talk about money matters. Money can cause rift between couples easily. It is true that we women are expected to be more obedient in such matters. Going and enquiring will not change anything. your H is obviously stressed out, he can't say no to his sister and he can't hide from you, that's why the shouting. As far as comparison is concerned, they will always compare with someone or the other. Don't take it to heart and don't lose your head and peace of mind over such things. Just pray that you can handle it and you have all the strength and luck to keep yourself sane and intact.

 

Op,your husband is one sly dealer.
He is creating issues out of nothing and fighting for little things so that you do not question him regarding buying property for his sister.
It is the ' offence is best defence tactics ' to keep you fire fighting over these small issues so that you do not dare to raise any question over the ' bigger family deal' that is happening behind your back.

Smart chap.

Regarding the house that he bought in his mom's name after your marriage and coyly surprised you with....that house now belongs to her only.
She can do what she wants with it.
She can will it to any one she wants.
Even if she doesn't will it to some one else,after her,that house will equally belong to ...
1) her spouse
2) all her children ....i.e. your sil already has a share in that.

So you can calculate what your husband's share will be ,half ,one third,quarter?

Tell your husband this and ask him.

If I were in your place....I would first tell him to stop making a fool of his wife by creating issues out of non issues so that the wife would not raise bigger issues.
Tell him you know what he is doing....and you are sick of it.

Tell him he bought a house for his mom without considering his wife or child ...now the house is gone ( unless she wills it to him)

Now he is buying property for his sister ...so why the f*** did he get married? Why the f*** did he have a child ?
What the hell is his responsibility towards you both?

I would have been all over his face and bring the roof down .
You need to stop being so considerate.
He married you and produced a child with you. He better have some answers for you because his mother and sister don' t give a **** about you or your child.

What are you,his maid and child producing machine ?????