How To Handle The Situation?

If it is for something silly I would ignore it. She is setting up a trap for you and you are falling in to it. she does it to get a rise out of you and make you look bad in front of husband. If it is a minor thing I would just ignore and walk away saying you have something to do. Eventually she will stop as she is not getting the reaction she wants, she may persist with it and get your husband to notice (behind the scenes) why she keep talking about my parents, you have to make him aware and come to his own conclusions. Chances are she will eventually stop, but may move on to alternate digs in order to get a rise out of you. I am very careful with my interactions with my inlays in front of my husband, you need to appear to be respective and not start an issue. After in private say to your husband did you notice she keeps saying things about my parents.

If she is saying something really mean, or out of line, I would just say you have really hurt my feelings with your comments and I would appreciate you not say that, then leave the room. If you continue and engage that is when fight happens. That way husband will see you are deeply hurt, and you have not appeared to be disrespectful.

At least you do not live with them, I would choose my battles, and keep my husband on my side.

If your MIL keeps saying things about your parents and you have made your husband aware of this (in private) chances are he will say Mom, why you keep talking about them?

Good luck.

 

First thing to do is finding the problem, which you have done - you have understood their game, that they are doing this to cause fights between you n your hubby.

How to deal with it :

First thing to do is stop answering back to her trying to defend them. That's what she wants. It's her win. Don't say any kinda answer to her accusations. Bullies will keep bullying as long as they keep getting the reaction they want. So you need to change your reaction by avoiding or responding differently for it to stop.

Say some "real sounding" reason n move away from the place. Do this "everytime" they start this topic. That way they understand that you are doing it only when they start that particular topic.

If your hubby objects to this moving away thing, say "No one likes to hear bad things about their parents n am no exception. I don't want to fight, n I don't know how else to react, so am avoiding. Can you be the bigger person n teach me how to stop this, how would you behave if my parents or anyone else talk bad about your parents? Share it so I will try to imitate it."

Or if you are bolder, stop your mil as soon as she starts n say "let's change the topic".
Or more comments like:
"We humans are all imperfect, that's why god is there. He's watching. Let's talk about positive things."
"I am sure even you wouldn't like it if anyone talks bad about your parents even at this age."
"Just like your son loves you n wouldn't like to hear anything bad about you, I also love my parents"

These are the examples of some neutral replies. You can work on whatever works for your situation. But again, don't reply to anything she says. Just neutral responses. It maybe difficult to start but keep practising.

Be gentle n don't raise your voice or show a fight mode during this period. She needs to believe that's she not getting to you.

 

Yeah, if it is silly ignore it. But since they are staying for 6 months, ignoring it every day is not going to be ideal. If it happens a lot, i suggest you talk to her one on one, preferably when your husband is not at home. Both of you sit down and discuss the matter calmly and tell her not to blame your parents unnecessarily. Talking calmly, with love and respect, even if you have to fake it would most probably change her attitude and behavior towards you. Engage with them and spend time with them like you would do with your parents. Fake it till you make it. Because six months of in laws is a challenge. Hats off to you.

 

When it come to PILs ignorance is bliss .... they will always defend each other.... just move away from there as if u have heard nothing ... try and have some me time ... like a small stroll or something to gather your mind and emotions ... if u answer in front of your DH it will portray as if you are disrespecting his parents ... if you talk when he is not arround they will later update him with all the masala.... always be alert and be careful when you talk .... it's not important you respect them in your heart but always with your words... just keep saying this trouble is only for 6 months to your self... try meditate if not at least pray .... this will reduce your mental burden ... all the best ... take care of your health than other duties ...

 

If possible get the topic in front of your husband n let him listen too how his mom says things about your parents ..

 

Something that has worked for me in the past is to simply look them straight in the eye and ask "why would you say that?". For some reason it stops them right in their tracks and they subsequently lose their steam. The key is to look and sound confident when you say it.

Like others have said, she seems to know exactly what to say to get a reaction out of you. Take that power away from her and she'll realize that you can't be played.

 

Dear OP,

I would like to share the things that worked for me

1. Get up and go away from that place as soon as the topic begins

2. Deliberately smiling while they are bad mouthing and confusing them for they don't know why you are smiling. I would smile thinking how silly they are to set this trap!!
When asked i'd just say "nothing".

3. When husband is in good mood (before their arrival) tell him the cycle of events and how you both end up in fight and that you hate fighting with him. Tell him you need help to keep peace between you two.