How To Handle The Ego Issues Between Husband And Wife..

Would it be possible for you to go for counselling ? Not to any friend or parents .A doctor or counselor will be good. Where you both won't be judged and supported blindely .

Is your husband caring and loving towards your daughter? Is he a good father ? Is it just ego clashes and more to it?

Are you working ? Else start working and try to be independent .Once you are financially, physically and emotionally independent you will feel more confidence .

 

Of course you would feel distant from someone who says you are not a priority. Does he want to feel more emotionally close? Or is he happy just having someone who watches the daughter, cooks, and cares for his parents? How does he think of an ideal marriage? If he does not want to work on it, then you won't ever have progress, but if he also wants a close emotional relationship then you guys can work on building a close bond. If you said to him that what he said hurts your feelings - how would he respond? Would he listen and acknowledge or no?

At the same time, what do you do for your own enjoyment in life? Do you work, have any hobbies? Anything else that brings you fulfillment and happiness outside of your husband and daughter?

 

Can not suggest the solution to you at this point in time but I remember a guy I once dated mentioned that his priority order was his work, his mommy, his married sisters and then me. Good we were just dating. I dumped him soon after n never looked back.

be strong honey. You are the reason to give him on of his priority- your daughter. So stand up for yourself if he is not strong enough to do it for you in front of his folks.

 

OP,
Some dangerous questions asked by women are:
1. Am i important to you? Am i your priority?
2. Do you love me?
3. Am i fat?
etc...

If only our grandmother (dared to)asked grandfather the above questions in their prime years of marriage..what do you think the reaction would be? My grandfather would have reacted very harshly...
But does that mean that grandmother is not priority in his life??..

Sometimes answers come out depending on mood... you tell me..what\who are your priorities in your life? If you say your H is your top priority in your life, then I dont think you are justifying your answer. You said that you were madly in love with him... where is that madness now?? Just once he said that you are not his priority and the madness and the TRUE love disappeared?? So, it means you never loved him. You just thought you did.. And blood is thicker..so, its only natural to say about his parents and kids. Whats wrong in that? And if you are not ONE OF HIS PRIORITIES in his life, then he wouldnt be living with you still...

Dont think too much...work on reducing the emotional distance.

 

While it was just 2 or 3 yrs of married life he said his parents are his first priority.. what made him say that? Any fights or arguments? Even if he said thtt would he mean he dont like his daughter... If he is noy a caring and loving father then ok u can feel angry at him... If not just thnk the othr way .. he giving priority to his parents , it is not a bad thng.. parents are our priorities too.. isnt it.. ? V love our parents too v cant say v dont need them once v r married and got a partner. How is his attitude towards u if only tht dialogue is kept away. .. Is he harsh? Abusive?? If not , only for this statement dont let him distance u from him... Gradually priorities might change... Just b calm n b more caring n loving , thnk positively, enjoy ur life.

 

Ego and relationship (whatever relationship you take) cannot go hand in had.
Its either ego or relationship. Depending on the priority given, either Ego wins or the relationship.

What makes you think you dont have a great married life. If you could share some details, it will surely help us in helping you.
5 years of marriage and 4 years of daughter. As a mom of 2 kids, I know what a changes a baby can bring in when the baby arrives. Probably the busy schedules with baby did not give you enough time and energy to invest in bonding with your H ?

Did his parents abuse you? ARe you all living together - You, your H, baby and inlaws? Whats your relationship with his side of the family?

How about you? how do you prioritize your parents? There is nothing wrong in wishing that you should be the top most priority in his life - thats natural for every woman, but you cannot impose the priorities on him.
If he respects his parents so much, there is nothing wrong in that. As long as he values you and the baby in his own ways and in areas where he should, I think you should not find fault.

So what do you want to do ? leave him because his parents are his priority?
From the post, I can see nothing for which you should leave him. If the reason for you to leave him is he prioritizing his parents above you and your daughter, then you may have to revisit your reasons.

You need professional help in dealing with your ego issues and depression.

 

I like @YoGirl 's thoughts on this. There was an old cartoon with the dialogue:

she: Do you love me ?
He: Yes, dear.
she: do you really love me ?
He: of course
she: <after a bit> do you really really love me ?
He: eh?
she: I mean, do you really really love me ?
He: Nope.
she: <goes elsewhere.... and then comes back after an hour or so> Love me ?
He: Yep.
She asked no more.​

However, I think the OP has to get her safety net (parachute?) ready, in case the situation deteriorates to much worse, and she needs to take care of herself, and baby.

What is true for men, is also true for women, from The Panchatantra:

The man has constant vigor? Dares
On others' backs to mount?
Speaks in a self-sufficient tone?
He has a bank account."​