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How To Handle Teenage Girls Attraction Towards Opposite Gender

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Soch, Mar 12, 2018.

  1. Soch

    Soch Silver IL'ite

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    Ladies need help again, this weekend I had sent my dad to class and was standing to see her turn the street. Opposite to my house is a shop where the owner son was sitting. I saw my dd looking at him, she did not realise I was standing there but the boy knew it. Then when she took turn she again looked at the boy then she saw me and waved hands. The boy was sitting there only, when I moved from that place he immediately took his cycle and went. I saw this when I again turned back that the boy didn’t notice it. When Dd is back home she asked me why I was smiling at her when she turned. I just asked her about looking at the boy she accepted it that she wanted to talk to him about their friend. It seems that the boy had some problem with their common friend (girl) so wanted to talk on that.

    This issue is the guy was talking selfie with his friend(boy) but the common friend misunderstood that he took photo of her. They both are classmates so he messaged her just for fun about her pic. The girls mom saw that and scolded the girl and informed her neighbour friend. So when my dd and guy went walking with dog those ladies looked at him angrily.

    So to discuss this with my dd they met this weekend that I saw. This was the information my dd told me. I told her not to talk with this guy any more as I did not feel that the story she said is true. But I could see my dd looking at the shop frequently to check his availability.


    Need your help how to overcome this situation. I could feel my dd might be attracted towards him or nothing like that. How do I approach this situation.

    Thanks
    Soch
     
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  2. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    How old is she?

    I can tell you what not to do. Don't take it too seriously and definitely don't forbid her too strongly. At that age, anything forbidden looks mighty attractive.
    Most times these attractions will just die on their own.
     
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  3. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap Finest Post Winner

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    All these are natural tendencies during teen years and it says they are straight and normal. If the moral grounding/analytical thinking is very strong, then these initial crushes die natural deaths shortly. As @Vennella suggested, forbidding, keeping a tab on everything, openly doubting their words will push them more towards what you forbid. Maybe, casually sharing teenage risks with others at her earshot or having a positive, matter of fact talk about the risks of unnecessary involvements might help, depending on how deep your bonding is or have a simple(casual sounding) discussion and leave it at that. But as a mother of a teenager, you should be discreet and alert. Imagine your own teen years and attitudes, you will realise what would work for your daughter.
     
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  4. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Talk to her regarding teenage problems in a friendly manner. Please don't talk about her looking at the shop etc. Just tell her teen age is the best age when we set a goal and move on.
     
  5. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy Finest Post Winner

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    Good time to have a general heart to heart discussion about your experiences as a teenager, your crushes . Make it interesting and throw in some lessons in between about safety and developing healthy respectful connections with members of the opposite gender. keep all channels of communication open. It’s fun to rebel as a teenager, don’t give her that opportunity.
     
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  6. Soch

    Soch Silver IL'ite

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    Thank ladies for the suggestions/ideas.

    Yes I do have discussion with her sometime my hubby to will talk to her when she speaks about the boys in the class and all.

    I even told that yes it is the age you will get this thinking and all, you only have consiously divert it to some activities. If your minds goes into it just come to me we will play and go for outing so it will be diverted. But sometime i just get scared whether am i doing it correctlly or not.

    I am working women some times she will be alone at home during vacations. So thinking of how to engage her during that time. Any suggestions for that too would be of great help.

    Thanks,
    Soch
     
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  7. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Talking about opposite gender to parents means she believes you that u will take in the right sense.
    Summer classes, sports class, music class are different classes good to tune teenagers.
     
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  8. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    @Soch welcome to the land teenage and adolescence.
    the best thing you can do for your daughter now is communication and trust. both of you learning to communicate honestly with each other and to trust.

    that said, the attraction is common and the craving for attention is common too. whatever be the story she is telling you, whether it is right or wrong, acknowledge it. tell her mom, believes it and you stand with her. but going by all that is happening around, and you going away to work, you are worried and tensed about her saftey that you are not able to do any of your work with clarity. that she is in your thoughts all the time. that you understand that talking, seeing someone repeatedly because it makes you feel good is part of this phase and it is growing up. all teenagers including you, your friends go through it. however if the feeling good makes you obsessed about the person, the way you look, the urge to search or watch if he is available or watching you is not good. it skews up your concentration, your priorities.

    make it about crushes and infactuations, being very common and is fun if it just fun. we all did go through it. i remember many of my classmates carrying ravi shastri pics in their books, while i had a vengsarkar, siddharth basu crush. lol..time flies. my daughter used to talk about her crushes and her attractions and how handsome some one is..and i would tell her yes, he is paid to do that to you otherwise chickflicks and teenage movies would flop..they outgrow the period with our support. they learn to handle things maturely if we allow them to understand and grow.

    don't push, oh that is a tailor shop guy, he is bad for you, he is bad new, don't talk. the no in your tone and talk will be a big yes flag in teenage hormones. call the boy on sunday when dad and mom are here, we will help solve the selfie issue..

    tell her, if thre was a problem at school involving her friend, and the boy, she could have come and discussed with you, and you would have helped handling it better, instead getting involved, and so much mess in the neighborhood is bad, not because mom, is worried what they will think about you, it is more about when you need help, the society can be very judgmental and not even put a foot forward.

    now is the time you can talk about following gut instincts, safety, being open with you her mum cum confidante. i would rather talk about boys to my daughter than asking my husband doing it for me. it means you are being hr support by keeping it between yourself and you know how to help her.(your husband can know what it is happening and that is all.. nothing more..)

    all the best...
     
  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    @Soch not sure about your mother tongue but if you can follow tamil a wonderful short film on a mom and daughter relationship that i wish both you and your daughter watch..

     
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  10. Soch

    Soch Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you Sind for the suggestion if do it too.
     
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