How To Handle Silent Treatment?

deeprapriya · Jul 21, 2016

Hi Ladies,

2 days back, me and my husband had a tiff. It is a very common issue on which we had arguments. He blamed that, I dont do any work when I go to his home. I replied that, I usually take care of cooking and cleaning. But he blamed me that, you are not a good DIL, a good DIL should get up at 4 or 5 in the morning and put rangoli... bla bla bla.... I replied him that, if I do that only you will accept me as DIL???...if so, you dont take me to your home. It grow up and finally I cut talking.

The issue is, I am ok to do anything, but he talked as if I am irresponsible and dont take care of MIL and all. My husband is a reserved person, but I am so talkative. I keep talking something or the other and will talk in humorous manner. When I am with my DD, I play,dance and even sing. Similarly, I sing my fav songs when it is shown in tv.

He shouts at me saying, how dare you sing in front of my mom, you dont have respect and scolded me very badly. I said, it is my nature, I am the same everywhere. It is a home and not a school to keep quiet. But he shouted..

This got over 2 days back. And he doesnt talk to me now. When I try to tell him that, issue happens but we need come out and move on. But he says, you are nothing to me, you will never change, so I will not talk to you.... He comes home, happily talks to his mom and DD but not to me. I feel very bad when I am ill treated like this and especially infront of MIL... How can I change him?.

Am sure, MIL would have said something and that triggered this fight.

Most importantly, my birthday is coming this week. No one bothered about it. I am sure, he will not even wish me. I get thoughts about my mom now, is she would have been there, how she will treat me on my birthday.... It is really hard to accept that when I am angel to my parents, am an irresponsible idoit to my husband... I dont need any pampering from DH, but atleast a smile and some of his time which is forbidden.

I get thoughts like, why did I get married?. I am a working women, I was so independant and am still independant financially. But this sour relationship kills me.

My DH is basically a good person, but when something like this happens it is really hard to bring him out.

Bella1990 · Jul 21, 2016

@deeprapriya

YOU CAN NOT CHANGE HIM.

How long can he give you silent treatment?

If I were in this situation I would just practice IGNORE THERAPY.

Now about your birthday - it’s pointless to think how your mum would treat if she were with you when she is not there.

How about you treat yourself on your birthday?

You are a working women, how about having birthday lunch/dinner with your colleagues or friends.
Or you how about spending the day out with your daughter?

Instead of worrying whether H will wish you or otherwise, be happy with yourself and celebrate it in your own way.

Advance Birthday Wishes.

IL86 · Jul 21, 2016

@deepapriya

I agree with @Bella1990.
I think you should learn to ignore him. Be yourself and do as you want,there is no need to get up at 5 and put rangoli to prove you are good DIL. First let him learn to be a good husband to you. The more you try to please, the more they will ask you to change.

You should also speak only to DD like he does. Show that you don't care, be happy sing,dance and play with DD as you like.
The more you show you need him emotionally the more he will try to bend you.

Make your own plans for birthday go to temple pray, give treat to your friends or colleagues in restaurant take your DD along with you.
He himself should feel ignored and miss talking to you.

BlackMan · Jul 21, 2016

You too ignore him.See how long this can go happen.If you stand strong ,he will eventually give up one day.

svjm · Jul 21, 2016

deeprapriya said: ↑

My DH is basically a good person, but when something like this happens it is really hard to bring him out.
Click to expand...

I might be a bit different in the response here.

Never continue this silent treatment or ignore. Even though it might be fine for a day, but it in no way would help you in the long run. If he is a good person, just apologize and make yourself on talking grounds with your husband. He would change, if he finds that you are trying to compromise the situation and trying to talk. You would be hurting yourself if you ignore and maintain the silent treatment. If your husband is reserved, he would not at all be bothered about being silent. Whereas as per your attitude, you would be in low mood if you are going to be silent.

No matter how you celebrate your birthday with friends or colleagues, if you have noted that your husband is still in silent mode, you could or would never be able to enjoy that day.

So just take the first step towards a discussion and compromise for now. Time would sort your problems.

Cheers.

MalStrom · Jul 22, 2016

In what ways is he basically a good person?

priyanka12345 · Jul 22, 2016

svjm said: ↑

I might be a bit different in the response here.

Never continue this silent treatment or ignore. Even though it might be fine for a day, but it in no way would help you in the long run. If he is a good person, just apologize and make yourself on talking grounds with your husband. He would change, if he finds that you are trying to compromise the situation and trying to talk. You would be hurting yourself if you ignore and maintain the silent treatment. If your husband is reserved, he would not at all be bothered about being silent. Whereas as per your attitude, you would be in low mood if you are going to be silent.

No matter how you celebrate your birthday with friends or colleagues, if you have noted that your husband is still in silent mode, you could or would never be able to enjoy that day.

So just take the first step towards a discussion and compromise for now. Time would sort your problems.

Cheers.
Click to expand...

Hi,

I dont think you should bend backwards when you know your are right and cannot continue with what they wish in longer run.. you will be setting a bad example that when he gets silent you will do as he wishes .
above all his demands are not proper so you should not go ahead with them.

as for your birthday why do you need pampering or think what would mom do.. you can very well celebrate your bday with your DD. I have done it myself.. for my birthday my husband did not come early , nor bought cake nor came with us for dinner.. i just ensured i call him in eveming to check if he is available for dinner.. since he was busy and would come late, me and my son went for dinner, enjoyed , ate pastry and came home.. all in all i enjoyed..
do not depend on him for bday wishes, bday treats as it will only hurt you. if he comes fine if not its his wish and respect that wish.. it will remain in your memory that he did not come but ignore it..
atleast that is my take on this..

kollen · Jul 23, 2016

deeprapriya said: ↑

Hi Ladies,

2 days back, me and my husband had a tiff. It is a very common issue on which we had arguments. He blamed that, I dont do any work when I go to his home. I replied that, I usually take care of cooking and cleaning. But he blamed me that, you are not a good DIL, a good DIL should get up at 4 or 5 in the morning and put rangoli... bla bla bla.... I replied him that, if I do that only you will accept me as DIL???...if so, you dont take me to your home. It grow up and finally I cut talking.

The issue is, I am ok to do anything, but he talked as if I am irresponsible and dont take care of MIL and all. My husband is a reserved person, but I am so talkative. I keep talking something or the other and will talk in humorous manner. When I am with my DD, I play,dance and even sing. Similarly, I sing my fav songs when it is shown in tv.

He shouts at me saying, how dare you sing in front of my mom, you dont have respect and scolded me very badly. I said, it is my nature, I am the same everywhere. It is a home and not a school to keep quiet. But he shouted..

This got over 2 days back. And he doesnt talk to me now. When I try to tell him that, issue happens but we need come out and move on. But he says, you are nothing to me, you will never change, so I will not talk to you.... He comes home, happily talks to his mom and DD but not to me. I feel very bad when I am ill treated like this and especially infront of MIL... How can I change him?.

Am sure, MIL would have said something and that triggered this fight.

Most importantly, my birthday is coming this week. No one bothered about it. I am sure, he will not even wish me. I get thoughts about my mom now, is she would have been there, how she will treat me on my birthday.... It is really hard to accept that when I am angel to my parents, am an irresponsible idoit to my husband... I dont need any pampering from DH, but atleast a smile and some of his time which is forbidden.

I get thoughts like, why did I get married?. I am a working women, I was so independant and am still independant financially. But this sour relationship kills me.

My DH is basically a good person, but when something like this happens it is really hard to bring him out.
Click to expand...

Grow a spine.

If he shouts at you, make it clear to him that will shout at him too. That way he will understand that one does not need to shout to talk.

Just talk to your husband and try to understand why he goes into silent mode. I bet it is to hurt you emotionally.

Just talk to him in a pleasant environment. Tea and biscuts and talk. Just listen. He will eventually give the key to the matter.

guesshoo · Jul 23, 2016

First of all, best wishes for your birthday.

Quite simply if you give in to his unreasonable nonsense, you are showing him that it is a way to control you. So don't give in to it. When he starts being rude, use your body language and a firm voice to stop him on the tracks. Regardless of what he is saying, calmly state, "we can talk once you've cooled down enough to tall to me respectfully."

Show him your self respect is more important to you than his approval.

deeprapriya said: ↑

I get thoughts like, why did I get married?. I am a working women, I was so independant and am still independant financially. But this sour relationship kills me.
Click to expand...

Have you told him this? Tell him that you are accomplished and financially independent. Plus you are primarily responsible for running the house smoothly and parenting up your child. You don't need him except for being supportive and treating you wih respect. Also shame him for setting such a chauvinistic parochial example for your daughter in the 21st century. Nothing but your greatest scorn and firmness can put him in place. Xx