how to handle mil's direct and indirect taunts

cheerfulalways · Jan 2, 2012

hello friends, I am really feeling frustrated today due to my mil's behaviour. we live in different cities due to work. I have to call her four times a week. I have been calling her regularly,if i dont she gives me missed call. on calling her back she will speak loudly why did'nt u call today, i was waiting and taunts me and my parents. I dont say anything ,its been 4 years she is never satisfied with whatever me or my parents do. once or twice i can ignore but how long i can ignore.
sme of her comments are
when i was expecting everyday she used to tell me dont have a girl like ur mom ( we 3 three sisters)
women earns respect only if she has a male child(she is respected in the society as she has 3 sons who are earning well)
boys parents are superior and girls parents give dowry to maintain their dignity in socitey.
Mr X is arranging 2 lacs for her daughter' son's first bday.he doesnt care if he has to beg for this to maintain her daughter's respect in front of her inlaws.
and many more.I have to listen to this crap indirectly or directly whenever we r together or on phone in twisted words.
plz frds help me to handle her these and many more comments , she is very dominating and speaks badly, starts beating her chest and all the drama when things dont happen her way. I am scared to reply back.( she sleeps in my bedroom with me and dh when she visits us )last time she slept in our room for one month.

ssm014 · Jan 2, 2012

That is indeed gross and no one is expected to put with that sort of behaviour..!

What is your DH's stand on this...? does he toe the line whaerever his mother dictates or is he reasonable...

Also regarding your MIL sharing your room, is there any other room where some sleeping arrenagements can be made...eg sofa cum bed in living room. Under no circumstances should you allow her to share your private space..

If you are working or studying, you can keep an excuse of keeping the lights on for a long time under pretext of studying or doing office work on laptop etc......so that if reqd, she can move to other room without bg disturbed by the lights

In case she doesnt get the hint, suggest you go out and sleep in the other room. I know this looks bad on your part as a DIL but there is no other option...You may want to give an excuse that you are sleeping separate as you dont to disturb...as you recently started snoring ....or need to use the loo often..etc...:rotflyou can take your DH in confidence?

Belive me, I was in somewhat similar cisrcumstances when I was newly married into a joint family ..

As regards other crap about dowry, daughters etc, just ignore.....

Wish you all the best..

cheerfulalways · Jan 2, 2012

hello ssm014,
last time when she visited us we had made arrangements for her in living room with a comfortable bed but she refused to sleep there. u wont believe this but she told me that when she tells her cosisters abt sleeping in our bedroom they respect her more . it shows that her son dil are in her control.

ars · Jan 3, 2012

Let her sleep in your room but you and h has to sleep together be it living room or roof top.
Don't sleep with your mil.

satchitananda · Jan 3, 2012

As I have written in your other thread CA, do not reward bad behaviour. If she complains after you call 4 times a week and then abuses you and your parents even more, then leave it. Don't call her anymore. It can't get worse can it?

polymorphic · Jan 3, 2012

Fully agree with satchi, you can only be scolded if you talk back. You cant be scolded if you dont call or talk. Give her the silent treatment and a deaf ear.. Always works!

mybaby1 · Jan 3, 2012

i have allwaz followed this in my life whoever itmay be that if i am acused of notdoing some thing even doing it wholeheartedly iwould stop it.its better to listen on notdoing rather than doing everything & listening.(sab kuch karke bhi sunne se accha hi kuch nahi krke sunna)at least i dint feel bad.and the one who has to complaint they will keep on whatever you do...

parvathi1980 · Jan 3, 2012

What can a dil do? She is supposed to ignore lousy treatment at home...ignore is what i will tell you to do not bcoz it makes any sense to me but simply bcoz there is no other way out. If you can't do that fight it out and see what happens...all fingers will point at you and youl will become the villain. god knows why women can't live peacefully with their dils.

bhuvnidhi · Jan 3, 2012

What is your hubby's say on this?And why are you not able to back answer her on her absurd qns and pointers?

sme of her comments are
when i was expecting everyday she used to tell me dont have a girl like ur mom ( we 3 three sisters).

Tell her that she is very "innocent".Girl or a boy does not depend on the female.It solely depends on the "X" and "Y" chromosome which the male carries.And even the male does not have any control on that you see.Tell her that you do not know what baby has been given by your hubby(I do not know how to put it in a polished way).

women earns respect only if she has a male child(she is respected in the society as she has 3 sons who are earning well).

Tell her that she is in a psuedo world.And bcoz of moms like her the men are raised in a irresponsible way.She as a mother and a woman has some responsibilities towards society as well.She seems to be one of those arrogant and irritating woman to me.She does not deserve any respect as she does not respect herself as a woman.

boys parents are superior and girls parents give dowry to maintain their dignity in socitey.

Tell her that only incapable boys and their parents demand for dowry.There is actually no dignity when you say loud that you took dowry.Actually you will be arrested if you say so.

Mr X is arranging 2 lacs for her daughter' son's first bday.he doesnt care if he has to beg for this to maintain her daughter's respect in front of her inlaws.

Tell her that your father does not need such a false respect.And why should anyone please the in-laws?for what?Arent they human enough to understand the situation.If not you need not care about such mean people.

OP, wake up!Do not budge to all these.You did not tell what is your hubby's stand on this.

chitraarun · Jan 3, 2012

Patience is a Virtue. Just try to ignore her . Do not stop calling her abruptly, but do that slowly.reduce it to 3 days a week, then make it 2 days. I know you have to hear her nonsense but we dils cannot help it.