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How to handle Joint family expenses

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by NilamKhushi, Feb 15, 2012.

  1. NilamKhushi

    NilamKhushi Senior IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    I am a silent reader of this forum, till now i got tons of useful info here. Today i want to post my problem, please give me suggestions.

    I am married 5 yrs back and we are a joint family. My DH has one elder brother and elder sis. My BIL and Co sis are not in a permanent job and my BIL always expects some financial help from my DH. My SIL along with her kid stays with us and her H stays away with their parents, they dont even talk to each other atleast once in a week. So called reason for my SIL to stay with us is her in-laws place (which is very remote) do not have good education facilities for her son. Not sure what is behind the curtains, my family never involved me in any discussions or decisions required for the house , my DH too hides things from me sometimes. so, indirectly my SIL and her son are also dependent on 2 brothers which means max share is on my DH. Me and my DH work in same company and moved to US 2 yrs back. I do not have any emotional stress or family problems as such, my DH also takes good care of me. I am worried about the amount of money we spend on my BIL and SIL families, when ever we go on vacation to India we buy them lot of gifts (very expensive) and still each time they expect more from us. I was not worried until now as we were only 2 of us but now we are expecting a baby, so really worried abt our baby's future that he/she might not get all facilities deserved. My DH is always happy to spend money for his family, he never thinks of his savings. Can any please suggest me how to stop my DH spending money on his brother and sister and their Kids, now they are in secondary high school, they are planning to to do their further studies in US, that means completely dependent on us. Please suggest.
     
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  2. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    Nilamkhushi, I would suggest that you and your hubby plan out your expenses. Do not spend money extravagantly on gifts since you are providing financial support to them. You cannot completely stop giving support suddenly. Just make it very clear that you will only support for what is essential. Stop spending too much on fancy gifts even if they feel bad. You have to make sure you save for yourself and your kid.
     
  3. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    hi dear can verywell understand your problem as i have also seen somewhat similar.what i would suggest you is to first of all have an open discussion with your H on this topic that no one is there who will look for your kid as others are already dependent on you both.so will he like to make his own childsuffer for the sake of his brother his wife ,his sis and her children ? Just pop this question in his mind try to create a future picture infront of him where his sis children get welleducated and well off and your child is still struggling.does he want to deprive his own child for all the things he has provided to his sis children?

    Then you and your husband can clearly talk with the family also that now you are having a new member so you will be having more expenses so it won't be possible to spend as same as before.Be firm and clear.then i don't think so that you should bring your sils kids in US to stay with you and study there.ask them to study in india.if they cannot afford being in us and are dependent on you people why not they think accordingly.Dreams should never be beyond ones reach.you both are not responsible for them throughout your life.now its education , then there will be their marriage, then their children and i don't think so that they will ever take you on the place of their own parents.when they will start earning they will give to their mother not you.even if they manage to come here just get them for some parttime job as all the other youngsters do for their college fees, it will help them financially and also job experience.

    Now as you told that you are also working you should take a stand that you will not give away your salary anymore, or may be just a part rest just save it for you and your child.Like one of my relatives do this way the man income is spend for the things and the lady income is just for the savings.may be your H feel bad this time but trust me bad time never comes after asking and there is no one to help you out.so just save it let DH crib or feel bad for the time being later or sooner he will come to know that it was right decision from you.

    these are just my opinion may be or may not it suits you.No offense please.
    Hope it helps.
     
  4. varadhan8

    varadhan8 Bronze IL'ite

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    hi neelam,

    i totally agree with mybaby1s opinion. just set aside your salary for your savings and have open talk with ur husband since ur baby is gng to come there will be lot of other exp as well. Instead of suggesting to cut off money sent to ils better give this point and ask him to manage all the exp with his salary. then automatically ur hus wil cm to a conclusion.
     

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