How To Handle Being Stared At In U.s.?

Lady1 · Sep 2, 2016

blindpup10 said: ↑

Ooook. Thanks but no thanks!
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Dear Blindpup10,
First & foremost, my sincere apologies for replying to you when the reply was meant for OP, Uk 2016.

I agree there are prejudiced prople with whom you can never hold a meaningful dialog and it is wise to avoid them-however, I am the kind of person who oedn't like a misunderstanding to set in because I didn't take steps to correct it when I could have--of course, there are many folks wiser than me.
I am not sure if that's what the rolling eyes at the end of your post meant to convey...
We learn something new everyday!

Lady1 · Sep 2, 2016

uk2016 said: ↑

@Lady1
Thanks for your response! You misquoted blindpup10 in this post
Yes, UK2016, and I have sincerely apologized to Blindpup10. I am sorry, I meant tobreply you.
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There is still a certain amount of racism even in metropolitan areas regardless of the exposure to any kind of ethnicity. Now that people are more aware of other races, racism is done on purpose. Every other race makes the locals more insecure, I would say.
I wouldn't invest that kind of time to go and talk to a person who is making me uncomfortable. Plus, 'running away' is not what I am doing. Yes, I made it stressful on myself, because there are other things I am going through. I am simply dealing with the issue in IL instead of talking to a total stranger face to face. Additionally I don't want to be embarrassed, if denies they were staring.

Excellent point. After Indians and Asians, Russians are moving a lot to everywhere around the world. Everyone is either living or visiting everywhere else these days.

I am so forthright, I never faced a problem once a person comes up and talks to me. I am also aware of the difference in behaviours. Most westerners are open about their likes, specially 'dislikes' - we are not that way. I am in between those two options now. Just smile and greet them, and move on (of course, talk if they start first) .
Great post!
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uk2016 · Sep 2, 2016

@SeekingMind
Its not completely true that we haven't created our own niche in this country. Simplest example is the Hindu temples and establishments here. The others you mentioned are fighting their fights since centuries. What they fought for and are fighting for is very different. They were denied their fundamental rights and the meaning of their fights is different from what we are doing. We have come a long way within a short span of time, that is a huge plus for the Indian community.

We are learning their ways, but we are still practising ours. Respecting each others space, in any form, is very important. Will anyone be OK with a foreigner renting their space and doing something they don't like? No. It is correct to explain and gain acceptance, but expecting everyone to understand our ways is not. There will always be a set that will not understand. Activism is needed when we need social change on a huge scale, which is not the case now. The rights we have here or anywhere is to follow our culture/tradition/religion in a way that is not a hindrance to anyone. It is a good kind of fitting in.

I am a Hindu myself, majority or minority, everyone is equally responsible.

Lady1 · Sep 2, 2016

Dear UK2016,
You seem to have figured out how best to handle the issue you brought up. It is good you brought this out into the open, and yes, it needs to be discussed but with the ultimate view to understanding how to 'diffuse' tensions where it seems wise to, and make it comfortable for ourselves especially if we wish to settle down more permanently and earn a living etc.
When we are young we feel a certain way about people and their behaviors. When we get older and live through life experiences, we gain other perspectives...
I have lived here as a young 19 year old inrxperienced bride, and after traveling widely all over the World have returned to live here in the U.S., for the past 40 years, raising family, while getting advanced education, working in private industry and moving to completing a successsful 30 year career in U.S.Govt. Service...
I have by now grandchildren in college-
I have gone through receiving 'stares,' hurting 'queries,' understanding friendships, praise and criticism, good and bad bosses etc., etc.
I just shared my two cents' worth based on the little bit I know- no offense- sooner or later, we all carve out our own comfort zones...
Take care!

Lady1 · Sep 2, 2016

butterflyice said: ↑

Isn't this more to do with religion than race? Also I find that restriction to entry to temples in India is only to Garbagrihas and not to the whole temple per se. I haven't seen any restriction in the temples in US.
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Yes. I have to agree. However, my point simply is, acceptance of others dorsn't come naturally to everyone.

nuss · Sep 3, 2016

OP- we all agree that racism occurs everywhere to some extent. However, Indians are still considered as more educated and well respected in most parts in the US (at least my experience). But that doesn't mean that a common American will know the difference between a Mexican vs an Indian (No offence to Mexicans). However, a lot depends on individual as well. When we say "well integrated" that doesn't mean wearing Western clothes, it is much more than that. Since we moved here, it is our responsibility to educate people around us about our culture. For strangers, a warm smile and a simple, "how is it going" or a simple "howdy" in south goes a long way. My suggestion is to smile and let go if someone stares.
Also, (hope it doesn't offend you) sometimes we have preconceived notions and we can justify ourselves to prove that we are right. For instance, if no one except you in a group feels like someone is staring, it might just be in your head. I have a very good friend who would claim that most every man who talks to her is flirting with her. We have been there when she claims someone was flirting and we just laugh and roll our eyes (although she still insists when we see nothing flirtatious). Her husband would just laugh and tease her that yeah, the whole world is flirting with you. So, it's her perception. Once you start ignoring (or smiling ), you may not see the stares anymore.
As far as educating about our country goes, we all can do our part. When I moved to the US a decade ago, a started celebrating Independence day with a tricolor cake. In two years, my whole department knew about India's Independence day and they looked forward to my cake and things I love about India speech. I also wear Indian outfits a few times a month and usually that is a conversation starter. I wore a saree to my oath for citizenship and every award ceremonies we have at the University, I am in a saree. My neighbors ask me about Diwali because they see diyas in our front yard and lately I started giving a little Diwali gift pack (usually Indian tea and spices to go with it with a handwritten instructions note) to my family and neighbors and have received so many thank you not, queries and compliments. I mean to say is- we can complain about people being ignorant or be active and do something about it.
Good luck!

uk2016 · Sep 3, 2016

nuss said: ↑

OP- we all agree that racism occurs everywhere to some extent. However, Indians are still considered as more educated and well respected in most parts in the US (at least my experience). But that doesn't mean that a common American will know the difference between a Mexican vs an Indian (No offence to Mexicans). However, a lot depends on individual as well. When we say "well integrated" that doesn't mean wearing Western clothes, it is much more than that. Since we moved here, it is our responsibility to educate people around us about our culture. For strangers, a warm smile and a simple, "how is it going" or a simple "howdy" in south goes a long way. My suggestion is to smile and let go if someone stares.
Also, (hope it doesn't offend you) sometimes we have preconceived notions and we can justify ourselves to prove that we are right. For instance, if no one except you in a group feels like someone is staring, it might just be in your head. I have a very good friend who would claim that most every man who talks to her is flirting with her. We have been there when she claims someone was flirting and we just laugh and roll our eyes (although she still insists when we see nothing flirtatious). Her husband would just laugh and tease her that yeah, the whole world is flirting with you. So, it's her perception. Once you start ignoring (or smiling ), you may not see the stares anymore.
As far as educating about our country goes, we all can do our part. When I moved to the US a decade ago, a started celebrating Independence day with a tricolor cake. In two years, my whole department knew about India's Independence day and they looked forward to my cake and things I love about India speech. I also wear Indian outfits a few times a month and usually that is a conversation starter. I wore a saree to my oath for citizenship and every award ceremonies we have at the University, I am in a saree. My neighbors ask me about Diwali because they see diyas in our front yard and lately I started giving a little Diwali gift pack (usually Indian tea and spices to go with it with a handwritten instructions note) to my family and neighbors and have received so many thank you not, queries and compliments. I mean to say is- we can complain about people being ignorant or be active and do something about it.
Good luck!
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@nuss
Thanks for taking the time to write this post. I am not sure if your read my previous replies, I already mentioned how I am handling it now, in a few of my responses.

If I had preconceived notions, my OP wouldn't say that some people are nice - I would simply blame every person. For a change I would like to be heard 'as such' before being targeted as the person who is causing 'it'. In fact I accept what you and other few posters reiterated that I am imagining it or that I am doing something wrong - and I am working on it. Anyways, what's said is said, I am fine with it.

Its nice to know that you are doing your part to teach people about us/our ways, but please note that you have the right space to do so. Not everyone has that.

I want to share a recent incident. My DH's colleague's wife's parents were visiting them for this summer. An American started a conversation with them and commented something like this: "Now that you are here, let me see how you all will leave or come back once *** becomes the president". That is racism on purpose, coming from a well aware person. No amount of active knowledge sharing/education can solve such complex issues.

sammygirl723 · Dec 10, 2016

You are in the country legally and are paying for everything. You are not dependent on anyone. Be confidant. Maybe people are staring because they want to befriend you. Next time someone stares, look them in the eye and smile and greet them politely. More often than not, the sentiment is returned.
I am 5'9'' and of heavy built. People stare at me all the time. What can you do? God made you attractive so people want to enjoy your beauty. Go with the flow and don't let it deter you.