How To Handle Being Stared At In U.s.?

I don't know where you live but undeniably, there is a level of racism exists in certain part of the United States (particularly down south especially if you live deep inside a red state) and unless you live in one of those parts, in general, you shouldn't have much of problems. White supremacy is not only about presenting their views in the social media but also showing it in action by walking in front, shutting the door before a colored person enters the door, greeting everyone except the colored person, jogging turning the face to the other side while crossing a colored person, pulling their children closer away from a colored person, etc. The other way they show their condemnation is to pretend that they didn't understand anything the colored person said even though he/she speaks slowly and clearly and then say, "Oh, you mean this", repeating the same words.

I consider occasional staring is part of it but probably below the radar when compared to holding the purse tightly, clicking the car door lock, turning the face away, seeing behind a person as though one is invisible, etc. which are even worse.

Wherever immigrants from different walks of life are more, such things have disappeared as they learned more and more about other cultures. It is my humble view, greeting them first, smiling at them, developing a non-controversial conversation with them about weather or something very common, petting their dog, saying hi to their children, discussing sports or showing our support to a local team, etc. makes them change their attitude.

But when compared to how a white women is stared by men back in India, their innocent and casual conversations with a smile is considered as invitation for something else, their casual swimming in the pool is watched like a professional sports, aliens feel more secured and a lot better here.

Viswa

 

Dear blindpup10,
Many times when we feel uncomfortable with something others do (including 'staring,') at least half of how it reaches us, is our own values we have built up so far in our lives. That said,the society in general in the USA, in the metropolitan areas has always been cosmopolitan and people have been quite exposed to different ethnicities, accents etc. However, in the internal states, people may not be that exposed and one way any human takes in new things is by taking a good look...
Here, if you feel something concerning you is odd, you can walk up to that person and in a relaxed voice (do this if you have to force yourself to), and say,
'I get the feeling that you are staring at me. Can you please tell me what is it about me you find unfamiliar?' and after a small pause, "perhaps I can clear your doubt, educate you?!"This is your BEST source of accurate information, and the most appropriate way to get back in control of the situation, not thinking of running away from it, and not your personal guesses and assumptions from within your own personal frame of mind. And, this straightforward approach is appreciated. In fact, in the sixties most everyone here was tolerant and welcoming but lots has happened in the World since then and the demography of U.S.A., has also changed (by the way, keep in mind, ALL white skinned people you see here are not necessarily Americans, nor necessarily the ONLY AMERICANS as many Indians and other non-white people assume and also even when we apply for get U.S. Citizenship never really intrinsically think of ourselves as 'Americans,' either. This is to just point to some of our own prejudices). Even then, there were ignorant people as there are everywhere else and instead of responding back from my own prejudices, the day I figured out the need to educate that odd question in their mind,
I felt much better and more in control. You have to practice this forthright manner which will feel strange to people from elsewhere, to whom this may even appear rude or challenging behavior but what we place value on as understanding, deference etc, Americans generally view as shiftiness and non-transparent stealthy behavior. At the same time, also be truly prepared to receive and field appropriately and dispassionately any answer friendly or not, if one does come forth.
The person may say something simple like, 'oh, sorry, I apologize. I didn't realize I was staring.' ' Or, there is toilet paper stuck to your shoes,' (or, without talk, pointing to it), or 'I was trying to guess where you may be from...,' or, 'It's YOU guys that cause all those terrorist problems here, isn't iit, why don't you go back to Mexico[]or, even, "I thought I have seen you before but couldn't place you---I travel often in India and Pakistan,I can speak Hindi, see 'Aap Kaise hein!"
You never know really where they are coming from without their spoken explanation, which they do owe you and you have every right to ask for (not request, nor demand).

So, learn to either grow a thick skin and get comfortable with others' 'stares,' or, take the step to learn where it truly emanates from, by asking its original source. Those are your two options.
Once you are better educated, you can proceed to 'educate,' the one with that stare, in turn.
Good Luck! Do let's know how it all turns out.

 

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Dear Uk2016,
You have two options, grow a thick skin and learn to get comfortable with others behaviors towards you, over which you do not have any control without their cooperation. Or, ask them for the reason behind their behavior which reaches you as 'odd,' in a straightforward and non threatening manner.
REMEMBER:
1. Many times, our frame of reference is half responsible for our interpretation of others' actions.
2. What we interpret as a challenge or disapproval even in non-verbal communication such as body language (e.g. 'Stares' are unanswered questions-a need to be 'educated.'
3. All Americans (U.S.citizens) are not ALL white, nor are ALL white people in the U.S. Are Americans)
4. People find others' unfamiliar looks and accents in spite of dressing like the main stream majority to be fascinating...and since everyone knows truly where anyone else is from, they are trying to 'place' the unfamiliar one ( by visually taking in everything they can, ending up staring!)
5. Sometimes, they gave been all over S. Asia (perhaps a diplomat with some familiarity including in the languages) and yet can not surely say which country there you may be from and are curious and guessing, but are as hesitant to approach you to clarify as you are to approach them for the same reason ...
Approach the 'starter' in a non challenging but not overly formal manner and ask simply if they are having any questions they may want to ask of you.
Then, you will have the true reason behind their behavior and a chance to 'educate' them with some facts and make things more comfortable for you in the process...running away back to India is definitely not the answer.

Returning to simple, straightforward ways in communication has long been forgotten once we started getting tutored...look at children-LEARN to coexist
Let's know how you find this approach!

 

Dear Viswa,
Walking in a dark street after dark, do you not cross the street if you see a burly black American or a huge motorcyclist type blond Person with many explicit tattoos all over the exposed parts of his body?!

Are our temples not denying admittance to persons with white skin, blond hair and light eyes, even if they are devout?

In the Office, is it not commonly assumed every white woman is easier target for sexual harassment, pacifying with thoughts that hey 'date,' freely...
I know everyone of these assumptions in non-American minds and how wrong they are based on intimate knowledge of the culture here as well as in many other parts of the World....

Let us not pick up that 'stone'... Where simple, straightforward clarification will do, fortified with the knowledge you have provided of staying clear where warranted such as in the interlands..

 

Ooook. Thanks but no thanks!

 

I find this kind of unusual. I have been here for over a decade and half and I have hardly ever come across this kind of behavior. My observation is Americans especially, if they really want to observe your dressing or your mannerisms, they will not stare directly at you. They will make sure you don't catch them looking at you. Sometimes, they will directly walk up to you and say "nice outfit, where do you get these"..............for salwar kameez or sari, but now that has reduced considerably because Indian community is huge now and many americans are familiar with Indian dress, food etc.,

Think for yourself before you get out of the house, why should someone stare at you? You dress well, carry yourself well, speak normally then why should someone stare at you? Maybe its just your feeling.
Still if you think someone is staring at you, just look at them and smile. That should set it right.