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How to give a smart answer to MIL

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sita2223, Mar 23, 2010.

  1. meena2

    meena2 Senior IL'ite

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    Sita, First of all BIG HUG to you.

    You are breaking your head on how to answer your MIL.
    There is no set question-answer format for this. Depending on the situation and your mood your reply. But my best suggestion would be to smile and avoid the topic.

    Smile, smile, smile ,smile........."n" no. to times and change the topic.
    She will get it!! There is no set format of steps to be followed to answer this woman. So, don't break your head and take it easy.

    Good luck with your smiling because after sometime you feel like :bang
    but have patience..........


    PS: Edit: My bad! I did not see you are located away so she cannot see you smiling. At that time, best suggestion is ............Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.................not yet!
    Hmmmmmmmm...................not yet!!!......................."n" no. of times....repeat the same thing.

    :thumbsup
    Meena
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2010
  2. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks Meena, I really am hoping to smile my way out of the situation... :roll:

    But am afraid as to what kind of questions MIL could ask. :drowning How do these conversations usually go??? Ladies please share your experiences.
     
  3. Anyananyaa

    Anyananyaa New IL'ite

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    Do you even have an idea, I am married only for a month and my MIL asks me probes on the physical relationship between me and my hubby. She asks me to consider her as my mom and discuss my bedroom life with her. Chee. Hah. I dont talk such things to my mom let alone MIL. Can you imagine - the drawing room discussion is about how many kids i will have and by when - you see my MIL decides how many kids I will have. I was shocked to know. I dont even have even my hub to support me, as he is - "THE Mamma's boy" .
    I am screwed up for life to know I am gonna live with them for the rest of my life!

    SOS.....
     
  4. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    Ananya - Sad to hear about your situation and a little horrified too... talk about your physical relationship with MIL??? :drowning

    Mine looks like a petty issue now... atleast my MIL will shut up if I let my DH answer her in his own way. I was just hoping to deal this myself in a nice way... but the nicer I will be, MIL will take full advantage. :rant

    I guess I will just try to smile my way out and see how things go.

    Thanks to all the ladies for their valuable suggestions.:thumbsup
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2010
  5. cutesmile09

    cutesmile09 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi sita,

    Try to answer your MIL with a smile when she ask you abt good news,if she insist you or ur DH to answer then reply her straight away that you guys would like to be physically,emotionally,financially ready to invite the child into this world(i knw they maynot agree with this but yes this is very important) but never ever tell them that you want to postpone pregnancy just for your career or further education they will label you as bad dil,handle things on your own so nobody is hurt :thumbsup
     
  6. paru72

    paru72 Silver IL'ite

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    yes,i know its awkward when people keep asking abt THE GOOD NEWS.when comes to ur MIL just be diplomatic and say that "u will be the first one to know if ther's any that kind of news.just smile and walk away calmly.
     
  7. honey4

    honey4 New IL'ite

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    Sita, I guess you got the answers you need but still wanted to share my experience.

    My MIL started asking me the 2nd month after we got married. Also she would inquire if we are using family planning methods :bonk . I used to keep quiet in the beginning but one day answered that "I have no objection but DH is the one who doesn't want right now". She asked him and he told "please wait 2 yrs bcoz I have to study and shift to new career". That kept them quiet for a while but even when they asked again, the question would be directed to DH and not me. I guess its better DH handle these questions for two reasons - 1. They won't feel bad if the son replies back...but DILs are seen as rude if we say anything.
    2. Down the line we had issues conceiving but I was not blamed as the cause (they obviously could not blame their son). I am finally pregnant now.

    To other relatives who asked about good news often, I just used to smile and keep quiet. But my DH got so frustrated..he started saying "we are working on it :rotfl "

    Note: Its true that ability to conceive goes down with age and some ILs might be truly concerned but if that is not the case with ILs, then no problem giving back a smart reply.
     
  8. Solemn

    Solemn New IL'ite

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    Dear Ladies,

    We have been married for 7 years now.My D's family has been harassing me from the start about many issues inlcuding dowry and others.His parents have visited us in US two times and it has been a living nightmare for me.AS soon as they would come to our place, DH's sis would visit us with her kids.All of them would then sit and chat and not help me in any household chores.Additionally my MIL enjoys poking fun at me regarding issues like what my brother gave me and her son when he got married and my wicked SIL laughs at the comments her mother is passing on me.I was pregnant once and faced so much harassment from his mother that I got scared of the whole family and got an abortion by taking an contraceptive pill.It is a repeated harassment from either his sister from time to time or by his parents whenever they visit us for a period of six months.It is unbearable totally and though I am highly educated but with no job right now I am unable to get out and stay alone to have my peace of mind.Two years back when I visited India they asked me to come to their native village where one of his male relative asks me about my menstrual cycle and suggests to me that he would give me some whack medicine which he gives in his village there and I refused.So I deduced that my DH's parents and family have been spreading the rumours that there is some medical problem and that I am unable to conceive.Prior to this visit I started to get tests done and the OB GYN in US prescribed a series of tests of there was any medical anomaly with me and all tests proved that there was no problem with me.I suggested that he too undergo some tests but his bitchy and intervening sister changed his mind and he refused to get any tests done claiming that there is never anything wrong with men and if there is any problem it would be with me.This gibberish talk of his continued after we came back to US and his sister aslo commented saying that I dont get my cycle regularly.

    My OB GYN on one of my visits to her office said that there are no more tests to be done on me.She said that everything was fine with me and that she cannot proceed further in suggesting further treament with out his test results.When I expressed my inability to get him tested from my side, she speculated saying that the reason why he is not going to get himself tested maybe because there is something wrong with him and that his family knows about it.I took CLOMID once for ovulation and it was so painful that the doctor said she would not further recommned any medicine for me as I was undergoing painful precedures while he is blissfully happy without getting any tests done on himself.So far I could not convince him to get himself tested as my OB GYN requested but recently I gave him a deadline till Sept 2011 ending saying that if he doesnt get himself tested I am going to leave him.In April 2011 we met a lady who was practising some homeopathic medicine and I explained my problem to her and she gave both of us medicines.He used to take that medicine regularly 3 times a day and I used to take it like 2 times a day from April onwards.I found in Sept 2nd week that I was pregnant but my husband still claims that there was a problem with me conceiving and that it was the homeopathic medicine which had cured me, when at the same time he also has been taking the homeopathic pills for himself.Now he is planning to ask his parents to visit us for my delivery though his mother doesnt help me at all but simply sit and do all kind rubbish talk and his sister would just come and stay here for days together doing her side of the drama.I am totally confused as to what to do in this situation and don't know if this pregnancy is good for me or not.I am so scared all the time whenever his family visits us since he becomes totally unsupportive and leaves me at the mercy of his parents who do all kind of rubbish talk with me while I am just cooking and doing all the household work. Please advise as to what I should do with the pregnancy and how to deal with this family.
     
  9. Rums

    Rums Silver IL'ite

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    My MIL used to torment for a baby right from the first month of my marriage and she didn't even wish me for my pregnany and delivery. I used to reply "If I get pregnant you will be the first one to know". I told my parents first :).
     

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