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How To Get Over Hatred Towards Mil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Starkgirl, Mar 22, 2018.

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  1. Mar 24, 2018 #31
    Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    I think the problem is that you are trying to “get rid of hatred”. Anger, hatred, depression, love etc are all a part of human being. Do not ask your heart to do something that your mind isn’t agreeing to. Eventually the silly buggers (mind and heart) will see eye to eye. Eventually.

    For now, you hate her. That’s fine. Its actually good. It will help you appreciate your husband when he supports you.

    Fume all you want until there is nothing left in you to fume about. Don’t divert your mind. That will mean that in future those thoughts will come back when you are free. Just think them through until you have thought enough and say, man, I am so done now.


    For now, the focus is on yourself and your immediate family i.e your husband. Do what you can and leave the rest. The only person you are answerable to is your husband. Even that its not necessary but he has treated you well. So yes, out of respect for him, treat your MIL well. Don’t overdo; just do what you please and that’s that. You need to set the tone of your relationship now. The more you show your anger, the more kick she will get out of it.
     
    Rakhii, Mar 24, 2018
    Rakhii, Mar 24, 2018
    #31
    Deborah and Starkgirl like this.
  2. Mar 24, 2018 #32
    Starkgirl

    Starkgirl Silver IL'ite

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    I always believed that if I am good to someone they will be good to me, because I follow the same... but looks like world does not work like I think it does. Fair enough good that I leared this sooner ... now since I did so much for her, the expectation has gone up, but I need to tone it down and I will do that.

    Regarding moving with in laws, we still have time for that... still it’s not clear if we are moving back , Ils have their own house and we have ours but sil has broached the topic couple of times but DH is smart , he always divert the topics and encourage his parents to keep their house .

    But if it comes to that , I will talk to DH... I don’t know if he agrees or not but atleast he will know I am not ready to live with them.
     
    Starkgirl, Mar 24, 2018
    Starkgirl, Mar 24, 2018
    #32
  3. Mar 24, 2018 #33
    Starkgirl

    Starkgirl Silver IL'ite

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    Sure thank you
    I know what you mean here, after days of torture , keeping it all in, afraid to express how I felt , feel... one day when my MiL falsely accused me of things I haven’t done, I lost it ... usually in such situation when I feel too much, my anxiety kicks in and even though I want to fight back but my body does not support but that day I was different, I openly and cleared told her she is wrong and what she is doing to me is wrong... DH was right there and he saw everything.
    After that for some time I felt at peace well until she had another episode of her “outburst”
     
    Starkgirl, Mar 24, 2018
    Starkgirl, Mar 24, 2018
    #33
  4. Apr 4, 2018 #34
    Rosey2018

    Rosey2018 Bronze IL'ite

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    You're lucky husband is on your side...how do u do it? Be happy and ignore her and make her feel stupid by laughing at her remarks and talk to her like a baby. 'Awwww Im SOOO sorry I'll make your fav curry next time...I dont have time'..
     
    Rosey2018, Apr 4, 2018
    Rosey2018, Apr 4, 2018
    #34
  5. Apr 5, 2018 #35
    Starkgirl

    Starkgirl Silver IL'ite

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    Last edited: Apr 5, 2018
    Starkgirl, Apr 5, 2018
    Starkgirl, Apr 5, 2018
    #35
  6. Apr 6, 2018 #36
    Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    Hate is the literal opposite of Love .When you say that you hate your MIL,was there ever a time when you actually loved her?! I sure hope not .So when you didn't love her,don't let an emotion as strong as hate consume you. Don't make her such an important person that she is always on your mind. Just tone down your efforts towards her ,treat her as you would treat someone you are indifferent towards and lastly,learn to tackle her. The last one is indeed a difficult thing to learn.May the odds be in your favor.
     
    Deborah, Apr 6, 2018
    Deborah, Apr 6, 2018
    #36
  7. Apr 13, 2018 #37
    Rosey2018

    Rosey2018 Bronze IL'ite

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    Just ignore her she’ll soon get tired...when she talks bad about someone tell her omg don’t say that they’ll find it rude...hopefully she changes... stay out of her way as much as u can
     
    Rosey2018, Apr 13, 2018
    Rosey2018, Apr 13, 2018
    #37
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