1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

How to forget husband infedility?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anjuanju, Feb 13, 2012.

  1. anjuanju

    anjuanju Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    43
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello IndusLadies,
    My husband beaten me few months back, after that I have been living separately from my husband.initial days I felt very stressfull whenever I remember that my husband cheated me by having relationship with other women.It was very hard for me when ever all those incidents come to my mind.

    I tried to divert my thoughts by concentrating on my career.I started improving skills in my job and I am happy with this. still sometimes I feel very emotional.
    Few days back my husband called me and was giving explanations that he did not do any thing bad with other women .But I know for sure that he is lying.He was saying me that he had bad dream about me ( some thing bad happened to me) so he called me saying taht he cares about me. I feel that if he really cares about me he will at least stop cheating me now by having relationship with other other women. I know that still he is cheating. Now after I got call from him , all the past is comming into my mind which is making me to feel very stressful again. will I come out of this stress? if Yes How much does it take for me. Really when ever I remember his infedility I will become completely emotional, does not get sleep, and will cry .

    Will he change? I have least hopes in him that he will change.but some times he says that he cares me. I don't know whether to believe him or not?

    Thanks,
    Anju
     
    Loading...

  2. blessbabydust

    blessbabydust IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,794
    Likes Received:
    1,888
    Trophy Points:
    310
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Anju
    First of all if you dont trust your husband anymore try to move away from him and try to be uncontable with him. If you have a child then it is a big decision i guess you dont have a child so lucky for you ... indulge yourself with friends companionship ... and avoid to think abt him .remove his picture and memories in any form from ur house ... these are the questions you need to ask yourself whenever your husband thoughts haunt you :-
    1. Do i deserve to be beaten for his mistake
    2. Do i need to waste my youthness for this cheat
    3. can i forgive him ? Iam a saint
    4. Will he spare if i done to him

    if you answer all these question yes then you can happily live with him else you need to think twice
     
    2 people like this.
  3. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    999
    Likes Received:
    672
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    both of you go for counselling and talk bout all your botherations about your h.then decide the further course of action in your life.
     
  4. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,437
    Likes Received:
    711
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Anju,

    There are many men who are forgetting past affairs and moving on with new wifes or new girl friends.. Most men move on easily..

    How do you say that he is still in touch with his lover or y do u think he has called u.. does he have any family issues like a sis or bro for getting married..does his girl friend dumped him? check the actual reason why he has called u ..ask yourself
    What is that triggered him to beat you?
    If u feel ok you can ask him to relocate to a different place from his lover..If he really loves u then he will come back.. if not he will leave you forever..
    Think well before leaving him..
     
  5. abcdguy

    abcdguy Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    128
    Likes Received:
    64
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Male
    Anju,

    There are many things i find disturbing about your post. I think the first is that he has 'beaten' you. I still can't understand how any man could hit another women. I find it horrible! Your husband cheated on you and should not be making any excuses. I am not sure if your husband knows what it means to have a wife, or be a husband. Shame on him. Keep focusing on your career...

    It is hard being alone, but being in a bad relationship is worse!


     
  6. mums

    mums Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,217
    Likes Received:
    4,373
    Trophy Points:
    290
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Anju.

    Your present memories of him----you miss being with him and still love him??
    or you remember only his abusive and infidelity and feel hurt??
     
  7. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,921
    Likes Received:
    2,465
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Anju,
    Hugs to you, you did the correct thing by moving out of a sordid situation. You have written that there was both DV and infidelity in your marriage.
    Your DHs dream of seeing you in a bad situation is scary. Keep away from him. He is trying to show false concern.
    Maybe he feels that you will take the next step about a divorce, alimony etc thats why he is talking to you. Ignore him.
    Dont get emotional, your H know that even a crumb of affection can melt your heart. But please dont think of going back to an abusive situation because he has not changed.
    Your H will continue his affairs ,you will question him and there will be DV again. Its a vicious circle .
    Good you walked out , but this has had no effect on your H.
    If you go back to him be prepared for same behaviour from him.
    One cannot live with a spouse having EMAs , its very stressful .
    He has to stop all his EMAs , get tested for STDs before you even think of a reconciliation.
    You have already made a life for yourself and are financially independent , dont look back. After some time you will stop having any affection for your cheater, abusive H.
     
  8. bukbuk

    bukbuk Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    238
    Likes Received:
    138
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Yeah pls have him tested for stds. It's very important. Also if you do consider going back to him, please give him few tight slaps before forgiving him!
     
  9. bebe

    bebe Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    333
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Anju, hugs to you!

    Anju, abuser hardly ever change. And although i dont know your husband, it seems he has some very agressive behavior. Beating you up, because he his loosing control over the situation, over you, over his affair, is a means to keep the upper hand in your relationship and not face the consequences of what HE is doing. Very good that you moved out, surely showed him that he cant go on with his behavior.

    However, this dream he has been having? Does it mean he is sorry, for what he did to you? Is he repending? Or hid he cleaning gis consience?
     
  10. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,341
    Likes Received:
    558
    Trophy Points:
    240
    Gender:
    Female
    Anju dear,

    One big hug to you. Its not easy living with a person you don't trust enough. And he too seems to have NOT given you enough reason to build the trust.
    I am a little confused here:
    Are you still with him? I mean living with him or are you temporarily or permanently separated?
    And how do you know if he is still continuing his debaucheries?
    Also have you been physically abused repeatedly?

    Him taking out his anger on you that way is unacceptable. It can't be just set aside and ignored even if it was just the one instance. And as for the trust in him, you'll have to make it clear that he has to earn it after what he has done. He will have to take responsibility and make changes before he expects you to forgive and forget.

    If you are over all this and are looking to forget the past and take control of the situation in order to move ahead, its all in your own ability to do so dear. It might be difficult but if you still believe in the marriage, you'll have to give it a try again. You could talk to someone and hope to get a clearer picture of the real situation at hand. Counselling could help.

    If you are not sure about your husband still, you definitely need to get things out in the open and both of you have to come to terms with the future of your marriage. You could choose to opt out to save both of you any more pain, especially you. Let him worry about how he plans to deal with his life if you plan to separate. His sudden worries about you may or may not be genuine. But try the counselling to see how genuine or not it is.

    Wanting to move on and yet living in the pain from the past won't really work for anyone. I learnt that from my own experience and once you decide to move ahead, there should be no more looking back. Difficult to implement, but not at all impossible.
     

Share This Page