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How To Encourage Lazy Teen

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Emarald, May 1, 2019.

  1. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    OP,
    Longer screen time may be the reason why your daughter in not persuing her other interests. Cut down internet on her phone, make sure she has phone only to mak and receive calls. completely restrict her using Ipad and laptop. Keep those things out of her reach. If she had check to internet for project purpose, your unlock and physically hand over to her. TV time minimise to 1 to 1.5 hr a day, let her watch her favorite programs. Boredom may make her introspect her interests. You can figure out then what she wants to do at her sparetime.
    Doctors and psychiatrist advise to cut down screen time as max as possible for mental health, esp to young people.
    I am also struggling to bring self discipline in my son, like keeping thing at place or changing uniform after reaching home. unles i tell him he wont do it. my family members say he is only 11 will learn as he grow up.
    Regarding help doing Hh chores, i follow this one. Try this one if you find ok. constant appreciation. Whenever he helps me at home, i remember to say a thank you, i wudn't hav finished this work so quickly without ur help. I make sure i tell my husband, see he helped me to complete this work. This trick worked to pull him into sevice.
    Hope this helps.
     
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  2. Emarald

    Emarald Silver IL'ite

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    She is 13. My commute is 3 hours everyday so 11 hours I m out. Weekends I try but very hard to push her. I m always trying to team up with other moms so she will get on great and company to do some activity
     
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  3. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    Consequences work. At that age, I used to take away the phone and other devices if she didn’t clean the room or do her laundry.

    I think it’s also imperative to set time limits on the usage of devices for younger teens. They do get older and have to manage their time better. It’s best to teach them when they can and cannot use devices. It’s great to have device free/tv free evenings at home(mom and dad should also put away devices).

    Once she is free of electronics for a few hrs a day, she will find something useful to do with her time. If she’s a reader, she will pick up more books to read. If she’s into sports or other activities she will play.

    My biggest issue was not finding other kids the same age for unstructured play. By that age, kids are into a lot of classes or other things and nobody plays with friends. Maybe it is still easier in India because of the apartments and availability of friends. In the US, everything has to be setup and I had to drive her to friend’s houses. Just not feasible on weekdays. I enrolled my DD in a couple of sports she was really keen on playing, just to play with friends. I learned that if it is an activity she isn’t interested in, she would not pursue it. It also helped if a close friend did the same thing.

    Btw, you can’t just do this over the weekend. Kids need consistency. Can you team up with your spouse and come up with house rules that will be followed regardless of if you are home or not?

    Maybe have her inputs also and come up with a schedule for the week. She can decide if she wants the phone between 6-8 or 5-7. She can decide if she wants to do homework before she has free time or afterwards. She can decide what day of the week she will clean what part of her room. That way, she will think she has some control over her day and is involved in decision making. Kids that age do better if they are given some control over things.

    It’s hard to work out of the home full time, commute for three hrs a day and raise teens. Looks like you are trying really hard. Give yourself a break. This isn’t a big deal. All teens like to push moms and test their boundaries once in a while.

    Happy Belated Mother’s Day!
     
  4. deepthyanoop

    deepthyanoop Silver IL'ite

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    Laks,you are amazing... One thing I notice is you not just reply,but connect with the OP on an intimate level with your soothing words..my son is not a teen,but even I felt good reading the reply.
     
  5. Emarald

    Emarald Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you all for suggestions. I am doing already many things. Will reply in detail soon
     
  6. Emarald

    Emarald Silver IL'ite

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    I m trying to team up with hubby to discipline her but not very successful in that. He is too busy with work during week. Weekends also some outings, get togethers, housework, grocery etc
    Unfortunately no company for her age kid in neighbourhood so mostly play dates. No constructive activity yet but trying.
    Yes appreciate whenever she does any chores or better grades etc
    I don't want to be nagging mom who kids ignore.
     

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