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How to deal with unsurities after marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by jubilant, Dec 4, 2011.

  1. jubilant

    jubilant New IL'ite

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    Hmm....I think after reading your reply and from some of the past, I guess I am not happy with myself, as in I am completely depending my happiness on my husband, and therefore, the frustration increases.

    I will reevaluate what I expect from this marriage and what are the things that have happened.

    Thanks for your time.
     
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  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    jubilant,

    I know,I can understand you.But thinking and looking at life in negative angle is not at all healthy.With positive outlook you can achieve many things but not with negative.

    Did you ever thought,what's your husband expectations on you?Did you able to fulfill them.

    When he was married at 27,for men that's not a mature age to think about investments or anything.Believe me,lot of men can easily fall into that category.

    I was raised in environment where no future plans or investments.But I learned from my husband after marriage.So each person brought up in different environment,if you would have patient you both have worked towards slowly building up things.Instead of wanting perfect husband from day 1.

    watching TV and being lazy all are characters of humans.Some men and women will have same characteristics.Doesn't means that they will stay that way forever.

    Anyway,I would say you have way over expectations from your marriage and that's what made this way but not because of your husband.

    First stop thinking of proving something to your mother.You don't have to prove anything to anyone.Everyone's life is different and situation is different.

    Try to understand what is institution of marriage ,go from there.

    As you understand for anything,you need to be happy yourself and develop positive attitude in the life then you can do miracles with your life.

    See you come to this stage without any financial help.So don't worry tomuch about financial security.If you make other things work then you both can make good investment for future.

    Think like he is also human like you and he needs your support too.That's the reason he married a person.Don't just expect and expect from him.It should be a both give and take.

    I would suggest stop comparing your life with your parents life.You are doing more harm yourself by thinking about your childhood again and again.


    in-law issues:-Lot of people will have in-laws issues.if you could post them then IL's can advise you.Sometimes,somethings we need to let it go.

    All the best.
     
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  3. curious28

    curious28 Silver IL'ite

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    Jubilant dear,
    after going thru this discussion and reading all the replies, even i would suggest you to change the way you are looking at your life. Please dont depend on anyone else (husband or relatives) for your happiness. "Only you can make yourself happy" Do not always expect him to do things to make you happy. You do things to make yourself happy. When you are happy you automatically will do things that will make him happy.... and then there comes the happy life you always wanted :)
    Even i had a troubled marriage in first 2 yrs... but all settled now (emotionally) only financial aspect is left now... struggling jobs u know ... anyways i always believe that if the good time doesn't last forever, neither does the bad and struggling times "This too shall pass"
    So sweetie, i would also recommend you to re-think about it with a cool n clear mind...
    take care
    all will surely be well :)
     
  4. AnjanaSankalp

    AnjanaSankalp New IL'ite

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    i m also in such condition, but my dh has done mistakes in past abt his job and had lost job. Now i m in very crucial condition regarding money. I have 2 childerns have to spend money for their school, to run our house, but i m not giving him any problem, and also had given all the money & ornaments to his clear his debts. ok bye
     
  5. nandita24

    nandita24 Gold IL'ite

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    Please read 'The Secret' and "The Power" by Rhonda Byrnes. Use affirmations - read "Creative Visualization" by Shakti Gawain. Also read Joseph Murphy's "The power of your sub-conscious mind" and Claude Bristol's "The magic of Believing".

    The ideas contained in these books will help better relationships, good health and financial well-being. And all you need to do is change your thinking. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Therefore just change your thoughts to change your life into a happy and prosperous one.

    By no means I am suggesting you stay married unless if you can work out a durable compromise. Infact after reading your story I feel you must boldly call it quits... and after applying the principles outlined in the above books you will most certainly find a very good person as your husband.

    Best wishes

    Nandita
     
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  6. selvidurai2k

    selvidurai2k New IL'ite

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    Don't depart from your husband....and as said who knows even a child in your life can bridge those gaps.....Don't nurture the negative thoughts of departing.....this is the phase where all the couples will go through.....i have seen many people and from my own experiance ....hubbies can go to extreme like No trust/Confidence/Hurt to the core (emotionally...) etc.......Be calm/confident....divert your attention on something else which you like ...Book reading/Craft works/Paitning/Stiching.,,,..anythingg.....situation will get better...don't try to emphthazie urself and take wrong decision as the future will be more tough/painful to you...... ..this is the lifestyle of most of the southindians atleast if not indians.....if possible try to do some freelance work/study or find some work which helps u get out of these issues and continue your routine life happilly.....ALL THE BEST
     
  7. priyagem

    priyagem Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Jubilant,
    Most of them has the same problem who live in US unless they are H1 holders or F1 holders. Plz dont loose heart. If interested, send me your contact number or mail id. I would like to keep in touch with you . Never do the mistake of leaving home. If you continue of thinking the same thing you might be into mental deppression which will only affect you and not your husband or his relatives. Be cool. Never give a long break between you and your husband . even that is not good for anyone. Try to solve the problem staying with him. Divorce is an escapism. Life will not be the same after divorce. You might think that you can face the consequences but that is not that easy. Also, I would like to know whether your parents knows abt what you are facing??
    Take care.
     
  8. sanvi5

    sanvi5 Silver IL'ite

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    Jubiliant....Every couple after marriage has adjustment problems. For some it may take just 1 or 2 years to understand each other amd some it may take more time. As you mentioned you studied here for 2 years its easy to find a job and everything will be sorted. If you divorce your current husband there is no guarantee the next person will be 100% perfect. Even if you want to live single after divorce the society wont let you do that. As others in this thread have mentioned try to solve your problems staying with him.That is how our parents have been doing for several years and it works trust me.
     
  9. selvidurai2k

    selvidurai2k New IL'ite

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    after reading all ...i don't have words..but it happens for all.......so its not only u but all have their oen problems....noe u jus try to concentrate on your studies and job and try to make yourself look better with different costumes / hairstyle which will make you personanly feel good...let time passs and see wat your husband wants......profession is very important for u....try to work smart and try to have NO EXPECTATIONS from any one....
     

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