How to deal with unsurities after marriage

Go back home wherever that is spend a couple of months there and then with a clear mind you can decide!
Or if you think nothing is going to change then whatever final course of action you want to take you can do it!

 

Here, u have not even mentioned what exactly is ur problem with ur husband... Don't have to, if ur not comfortable... But whatever be ur problem, sit in a place peacefully n think well before u come to any decision... All th best!!!

 

Hi Jubilant,

If you thought of leaving him then still thr is a mental torture - i am facing so much caused by my parents and relatives after taking divorce..u become more sensitive to things if divorce happens..Aganin after divorce finding a better guy is a big question mark - as not all men hav open mind to accept, not all women are fortunate to have love marriage after divorce.

Try to find some job instead of depending on him be it small or big..u will get confidence..
If he is comitted to u and no physical abuse involved then to some extent u can think of compromise.

 

When you are in a tough situation, first thing your mind would want is to come out of it. You won't be able to think anything beyond that. Why don't you take a break and decide? Try staying away from him either in India or some other relatives house there. It can help you find what you want.

 

Jubliant,

This is a normal thinking within any couple during the course of life. You have not revealed yours is either arranged or love marriage. In any case you have a slight percentage thinking to continue with him. Do not put off the light since it is dim. Try to pour oil in your lamp and enlight your future with happiness to continue married life. The oil now needed is trust. Family is a trust, where husband wife and children are the members of it. The problem you have is you are slowly loosing confidence. Next time when such thought comes into your mind, do not nurture it rather think how to improve the trust. First of all both of you should live in ONE HOME is the basic funda behind to build the trust.

Think that after you depart from him, what will be your fate and your hubby's fate, assuming that neither of you have any other EMA at the moment. Even if you have, it may not long last for years together. Thereafter, Sorry to use this word, both of you will be recognized in the society as second hand, which will be painful all through your life. Unless a male has absolute physical disability to continue to fulfill the biological duties as a husband, the girl should not think of a second marriage. Money is secondary. You can lead peaceful life within the money earned by any one of you.

My first suggesion is buy a home in joint name of you and your hubby and live in that house together for atleast one year and tell us about your feedback by December 2012.

Best wishes,

 

what is it that made you loose the trust on him? and what is it that he has done that has hurt you badly? just give a slight info to us so that lets check if ther eis anything that can be done to regain the trust....give info on whats your husband take on all this? what is his b ehaviour now or in the past or you are expecting in future?

yes one good decision you made is..about not having kids atleast at present....because this entire situation becomes more complex and emotional when kids are involved...and kids dont deserve this heartache n pain...so just put a hold on having kids until you figure out your emotions.

 

Hi Jubilant
For starters, there's nothing called a perfect-couple (ever lovy-dovy, never fighting types), nor is there something called a perfect marriage, you seem pretty matured from your post; so i am pretty sure that you do not have your head in the clouds. Every once in a while, there are marriages which get sour as vinegar over the years or fine like an old wine! If things are unbearable isn't it better to pull the trigger now rather than with a child involved? The presence of a child might bridge the gap to a major extent but then, parenting involves a lot of understanding, compromises from both parents concerned. If you both are really uncomfortable with each other, I'm not too sure if that comfort zone will be created with the arrival of a kid. Do look out for some kind of a job as the first step, and then with a change of environment you might be able to view things with a merrier perspective.Be Jubilant, as you name suggests.
Mega

 

such problems are pretty common in marriage which had a long distance relationship at some point of time.since your dh apologized and doesn't want to part ways with you it looks like he is a sensible guy and doesn't get carried over by emotions.sit back and think.think about good and bad qualities in both of you and then think about those things that you want to change.talk about this to your dh discuss about your life.things will smooth out once you guys start developing that intimacy.good luck.

 

Dear Jubilant,

I noticed you are in Michigan and you have had a situation where you wanted to leave the house. If you have been in any kind of abusive situation you can contact Haven (Oakland county) or Turning Point (Macomb) or First Step (Wayne) They have support groups and counselors who can help you. There is also MAI family services for Asian Indians and they have social workers you can talk to. They can also give you referrals for counselors and lawyers.