How to deal with my stupid husband

I am getting tired of my dh's nasty behavior...3 days ago...while having dinner i finished it early & was doing something in the kitchen & also loitering in the living area..inquiring whether dh want anything to be served ..he was sitting on the sofa in front of tv..

once he finished food & denied any more servings when asked for..i left from that location ..that's when he called me back & said " take this plate of mine & put it in the sink "....in a very rude,chauvinistic way...

i got annoyed but didn't reply or say anything..i simply walked away from there ..i went to restroom..he finally got up from sofa, put the plate in sink & washed his hands..he could as well done that without telling me to take the plate..

in the past i did take his plate..sometimes out of obligation,many many timesout of persuasion from Mil,sometimes to show respect to dh,sometimes out of love & duty coz i have no option left..(whatever..), many times or rather usually..he takes his plate ,i ignore to take it or most of the times i eat late, so dh has no option left..

When i was out of the restroom..he started yelling "why didn't you take my plate?? Are you not 'The wife?'..isn't a wife supposed to do this?is it not ur duty ??

i calmly said..what is this new thing suddenly ??, anyways i had to go to restroom " He said above things again..& started yelling like anything..he was very nasty & rude..

he said " i am your husband.i am feeding you,i am spending money on you.you have to keep your mouth shut.be like a worm in my house or leave.you are not earning.this is my house.only my rules will be followed..blah blah blah..

when i retaliated saying' oh, common stop it..don't make an issue out of it,.. " he didn't stop.he kept saying" is this wat your mom taught.is this the way ur mom behaves etc etc..i know he was provoking me deliberately....when i didn't reply anymore, he said" u don't have to stay in my house.who is paying for all ur expenses, food, etc..if you have to stay here you have to listen to me..if not get out from here..

in the past also he said these so many times..i kept quiet..now it is getting to extremes..i lost patience..

i didn't stop..i had to reply..i was fully charged & enraged by then.." I said..i too don't want to live with you anymore..nobody will behave like this...not even ppl like in my dad's generation .you better grow up "
he replied" then don't stay..who asked you to stay?? Your dad might have been like this to ur mom..that's why he is not taking you away from here & ignoring you when he knows that you are suffering..He know how it works..that's why your dad doesn't care about you " ..


that's it I thought.. I had to stop him..i took to yelling back..i said " does your dad behave like this..where did u learn this from, is it from him? (He came to hit me but didn't) i don't care to stay with you anymore "

he called me that i am a devil..he called me names..i too said" yes i am a devil & so are you..that's why we both got married'..

seriously speaking..had i been the old naive girl...i would be constantly weeping by now & wouldn't retaliate...he always took advantage of that..now i am not that girl anymore...

In the first place...i don't mind doing any chore.it's my duty(as wat is taught, instilled,ingrained in my head coz of 'the indian culture)..i wouldn't mind doing it if had it been just a request..or even order..if it was minimally polite..but he was soooo mean & rude..

This situation could have been avoided if both of us identified our dignity, moral duty & some sense of responsibility..(i am thinking so).. Or if anyone would have been obviously patient enough..or dust off the thing humorously..(unfortunately i am v v v v bad at spontaneous humor)


anyways
things went pretty bad..he forced me to call my parents..so that he can complain to them & tell them to take me away..he didn't expect i would call..BUT

i did call my parents..i explained everything to them..without knowing to me he also called my parents & told my dad.." She is not able to adjust here with me..u better take her away " in a very polite way as if nothing has happened, like a quintessential sil..my dad din't know the whole story by then..i too told my parents that i can't stay here like this..

he is like this always..constantly threatening me that he will divorce me.i don't have to stay here coz iam not earning... Blah blah blah..

i want someway to tackle him correctly & politically..that is the only way to stop him...i am fed up of him..

because of this fight..now we are in two different rooms..not talking to each other..just doing our own work..

talking to his parents is mere waste...they are nastier than him...it is from them he got all these traits..

i don't know what to do or what is going to happen..

since couple of days i started studying for my exam..now all this nonsense..

what should i reply to dh when he says " i am feeding you.i am paying for you etc etc"

i know financial independence gives so much strength..i am working towards it..it takes a lot of time..

but tell me " are all women who are independent happy & content? Aren't they going through such problems??

in my view it's not the freedom of money or independence..it is fate.it is human nature..

i want to learn to tackle him smartly without causing any more problems at least till i get settled..this D thing is haunting me like anything..it's not that simple to go forward with D.

Please suggest me something..

 

hi crayoness...i told the same thing what you said..that i do not tolerate this kind of behavior..in fact i din't even answer back..i just walked away from there ..coz i know this situation will rise up when i say like that..wanted he was pestering & provoking me...till i fall for his crap...i try so much to avoid his nonsense..but he drags me into it..
now this is the scenario..

i didn't call my parents..he coerced me to call them..i did call them in front of him..but talked casually.. I didn't mention anything to them..he later called to them without my knowledge..

as of today since the fight..i am not talking to him..i mean i am talking just about reg things..like do u want food..i am going out etc..

of course he initiated the talk..by complaining about his colleague..later asked me to accompany him to groceries..i am just being quiet..i also denied going out ..i don't want to talk to him & fall for his argumentative traps...

i am in great confusion..about what to do..how to react to such stupid chatter,how to not fall for his nasty behavior & not get trapped...

i mean it's like i am walking on egg shells all the time..