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How To Deal With Mean/ Passive Aggressive Co-sis

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by SimplelLife, Feb 28, 2020.

  1. SimplelLife

    SimplelLife Silver IL'ite

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    Hello ladies...
    I took the guidance from this platform in the past and even others threads gave me insights about dealing with people around me.
    For the current scenario. Everything is going well .. not bad kind of. No talking regularly with in-laws. Peace. Mil treating me better.(because she was treated badly last time with co-sis ). She is married to dh’s Younger brother. My husband does so much for his family , sponsored his brothers study and spend half of his marriage expenses. Co- sis had good relationship with in laws in the starting .. she was their puppet.. then her relation ruined. I had a different thread where I mention this. So when she had better relation with mil, she used to criticize me calling relative for everything.. even before marriage she started complaining about me. Then her relation spoiled with mil , she treated mil like a maid and still complaining during her delivery. She went to India and bad mouthing about mil visiting neighbors. And in return I got a better version of my mil. When their relation got spoiled co- sis turned to me and tried to share things with me, then slowly whenever we met or talked she started talking like she was asking bol about money he send to in laws and he said don’t worry whatever they have ultimately it ours. At another incident she said bil got in
    Laws house and spend in furnishing it. In reality my husband bought that house and paise more than half of installments and latter bil started paying when he started earning. For furniture part bil doesn’t have this much income at that time so he can not take that much expense alone. She also told in between talks saying when they will move to India they are not going to buy another house.. without any relavent conversation. For this I said even I did my said my di for buying another house for India. What should be my take for such things she is telling me. She is giving me clues . Should I talk to her husband and in laws in a joint meeting or should I talk to relTives about it and let the talk move to her, in this way I will
    Let others know what she is doing as she does with me in the past on false propaganda. She talked about me to relatives when I delivered my baby and she was here. I feel like I should confront her in front of family. Or should I talk to in laws and let them do rest of the work since it’s a chance for mil too. She talked to neighbor about mil last visit at my place and Fights mil created between me and dh which actually never happend and I never said that to her . She falsely accused mil to doing it because she has bad relation with mil now and she want to show that mil is still doing these things with me too . Should I talk to mil about it. I am done with being civil. Please guide .
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    About house and furniture and big money stuffs, it is always better to leave the talking to husband. You are in MIL's good books currently. That can change in a flash.

    Kitchen matters, festivals, functions etc. you can handle yourself. Money, property etc. leave it to husband.
     
    Meghaa and SimplelLife like this.
  3. SimplelLife

    SimplelLife Silver IL'ite

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    It’s not like I am in her good book , I think she has realized that she have to keep open her option by keeping good repo with me. If I will have less issue or no issue with her then only co- sis would treat her better. Before that mil tried to establish competition among us .. praising, comparing one in front of other, co- sis ran to got the medal where as I didn’t played this winning game, I was like ok.. you take medal and keep them as well ..lol. though I deeply hurt by their discrimination.
    I like your suggestion about money matter but without making it big I want convey message to her that hey.. my husband was also there who does equal to More than your husband.
     
  4. Whyme20

    Whyme20 Silver IL'ite

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    Our minds are filled with uncertainties which actually never happen. Talking to relatives and others about co sis will not work, at least not the way you want it to. Only a few will be your actual well wishers and out of those only a few will grasp the real issue. Ask your self what is it actually bothering you more co sister or your husband's money spent on property. If it's the first just let it be mil and co sister fall in the same category. Don't be too flattered by being in mils good books that looks temporary. If it's the property just see how things turn up in 5, 10 or 15 years. Talking bad to others about some another is very draining, will take up a lot of your energy and yeild nothing.
     
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  5. SimplelLife

    SimplelLife Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for the suggestion
    I am actually not concerned rather I am like agitated .. she is talking to me indirectly about property as if everything is theirs . Though it doesn’t came in my mind though I came in that house before her , for me dh bought that house for in laws because they were living in a very small and old home. And to be frank I don’t want to live in that city as well whenever we settle there in India. I am not at all in my mil’s good book .. she is just saving herself by mending with me as her dil as she realized breaking up with one dil completely gives other dil if by chance she is mean to take advantage of it , that’s what happend with mil giving her Bad behavior examples with me .
     
  6. SimplelLife

    SimplelLife Silver IL'ite

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    I feel like now I need to keep co- sis straight since she told people many things about me , now even she is talking about property. She has tangled relation will mil and she is in bad book in the relatives she used to be good.
     
  7. Toughlife

    Toughlife New IL'ite

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    Nobody can remember what was said or not said down the lane ... years into the future. Ignore and keep ur peace of mind.
     
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  8. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    When she mentions like everything is going to be theirs, tell her ok i will talk to my husband, and let him speak with his brother and get things sorted financially since you people bought the house..And if she still continues, your husband can speak with his brother..You dont take this to your inlaws, let your DH do if needed..

    But other issues like false accusation against your mil, deal with it in your MILs presence..
     
    SimplelLife likes this.
  9. SimplelLife

    SimplelLife Silver IL'ite

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    Everytime when we are together which is luckily not frequent I plan not to involve in her conversations but whenever she got chance she starts and never stops .. she start with her personal issues with mil and goes everywhere. I feel like trapped. She starts with like how poor she is to deal with these issues and spread everywhere. I don’t want to listen her stories though. Avoiding such discussions is the best but with with certain people this is the most trickiest.
     
  10. SimplelLife

    SimplelLife Silver IL'ite

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    She does not tell me like she is talking to me .. she tell me in reference with her and bils conversation. And other things she said to other relatives.
    I don’t care about her .. I am pissed of with her way of taking complete possession on assets.
    My husband is not a kind of person who will confront anyone so easily. He is still in the old age culture like my family my brother even when they are very smart in money matters.
    And even when he will be fooled he won’t gonna accept that in front of me.
     

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