How To Deal With Incompatibility

Very good practical information.

 

your h has lots to answer for. The picture emerging paints you in a pretty dire state. Now that you see your h in a different light go back and check all his statements. Many will be false I bet. For example, this

Where on earth are you staying that this is a daily concern? Inner city or Harlem or south side Chicago? And if so why are you living there? Insist you should move to a safer area immediately where you can come and go as you please. (Or is he bs-ing you and you believed it because you don’t know any better?)

You come across as an extremely naive and innocent person. Stop blindly believing his every statement and excuse. Cross check everything-is it really so? Or is it a way to control you.

You need support to stand up to this guy. He has had it his way for too long and he is going to throw a major fit when you oppose him. Bring your family into the picture. Slowly tell them the details. Will they understand or will they pooh pooh your concerns? Or is there some older cousin type in US who understands just how bad your state is and can support you.

one can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. Be as subtle or tactful as you want but for any real change to happen there will be a showdown at some point for which you will have to be strong enough to stand up to him. So be prepared. Easiest may be to find a way to go back to India to your parents and then stubbornly refuse to return till things get talked out and sorted out.

 

Take his wishes and decorate in your own way, If he forces some plan on you,make it a win-win. Stand for yourself. Not giving cash/card is not at all a good coupling. Are you okay with that? How long since you guys are married?

 

Excuse me...Seriously? May be in future we should educate a girl child on what you said instead of sending them to regular schools and colleges.
Why cant a grown up man behave ,instead wife has to do 14/16 years of education and still expected to practice (what?)

 

@BerryPine,

You have misunderstood what I said. I am all for men to behave be nice to the women in their lives. I am not recommending women to be nice and do so many things to make the men listen. Instead, I am suggesting that they should stand up to make him listen. If I had a daughter, I would have definitely asked her to do so. That doesn't require any special education. Personally, I listen to my wife carefully and have all the assets held jointly with her so that if anything were to happen to me, she doesn't have to go through any legal processes.

Viswa

 

@BerryPine , we learn these strike modes in school level itself. We can learn it from history. Indian freedom struggle is the best example of how to gain independence by strike methods like non-violence and non cooperation movements. Those principles can be applied in real life too.

 

I just read what you said Not all h will be like you. However "there is so much a wife can do to make the husband listen. Practice it until you get your things done."--If a wife has to do so much and get things done,then something is not real there is what I am tryna say. A h shall be an empath,after all it is his wife. Thank you.

 

Yeah you're right,but aint talking about the non-cooperation movement.I was just responding to "there is so much a wife can do to make the husband listen. Practice it until you get your things done."

 

Yeah I divided my salary . 1000 dollars goes in another bank. For kids .otherwise we will never know how money is spend.

Hubby idea only