How To Deal With Incompatibility

One family friend had adviced to me that look for a sweet natured partner that you could talk to but don't select based on looks alone because looks fade away but the nature stays.

We are married for 11 years (will be 12 by the year end) and I agree to that good advice. My wife and I too are not compatible in many aspects but we talk a lot. I am an atheist but she believes in God. I don't believe in superstitions, she does. I don't like to see latest Hindi movies, she does. She is a fitness freak (before her pregnancy) and I am not. But irrespective of such differences, we communicate a lot. One agreement we have is, we will not try to change other person's taste but we try to cater to other person's tastes once in a while (I watched stupid movie called Veere Di wedding last weekend because she wanted to see it). I vent on some of the things I don't like when I am forced to fulfill her wish but I get over it and she does the same.

That's what I suggest you to do it. Instead of trying to change him completely, you go per his wish 1 out of 5 times and he reciprocates the same by agreeing to your suggestions 1 out of 5.

I am really sorry that you were working in India but are forced to sit at home currently due to visa situation. It was brave of you to decide to come to US on a dependent visa. But you should have done some homework on how hard the immigration process is getting every year. Even now, it is not late. If you value your independence, I suggest you try F1 Visa from India (or convert to F1 here if possible). People who do PhDs can get green card through fast route than waiting in EB2/EB3 route. Try to select a discipline where people get hired through outstanding researcher category and get processed for GC if you want to plan to reside in US for longer time.

 

That's why I suggested multiple options like talking minimum things even when on a strike mode. Many men I know want their wife to be like mom. I told my dh that I am not his mom and dont want to be. If he wants mom why he married me.he should have lived with her. I generally dont go for silent treatment as it affect me more ... so I maintain minimum communication even if he dont respond or talk. I also behave as if his silent treatment have NO effect on me and keep talking if I want. Keep the communication open. I have also told my dh that if he dont want to listen dont talk to me. I can't tolerate double standards.

You can decide if you want to be like his mom or not, but bending too much will not make you any happy. But one positive in your dh is that he come to you when he realise the mistake. It's good to appolagize if we make a mistake. He should first follow his argument that husband and wife should not argue. If he fights with you then it is double standard. Everyone have differences of opinions, but discussing in calm and composed way help than argueing or fighting . If he is simply blaming you, then you need to develop strategies to handle it in a better way.

He is an adult and it is difficult to change him. Accept his drawbacks if you can tolerate it. But you can change you and your response to each situation. I believe it is better if couples can solve issues, forget about fight if they can on the same day before going to bed. Over the years I have realized that fights on silly things is not worth it. Peace of mind is important. I have also mastered the art of talking in calm and composed way even when there is difference of opinion. If I think I can't then I will maintain silence till I can talk in calm way. Dont worry OP, with experience you will also become expert in handling any situation in a better way.

If there is love, respect and mutual understanding, all compatabilty issues can be solved.
Good luck

 

Is it for real? You need to have an emergency conversation with him today to demand that you need certain level of cash or credit card use limit established immediately.

You also need to immediately get your DL so that you can drop him at his work and use his car for shopping or visiting places once in a while.

Tell him that you would like to drive to a place of your choice over the weekend and he is free to rest at home. If you insists that you can't go alone, then, ask him to accompany you.

Have you heard of silent treatment/non-cooperation movement? Frankly, there is so much a wife can do to make the husband listen. Practice it until you get your things done. Good luck.

Viswa

 

Not easy sir. Husbands like you are a rare species

 

Are the accounts joint??