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How to deal with frugal husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by saradakathir, Apr 23, 2013.

  1. saradakathir

    saradakathir New IL'ite

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    Hi friends,

    This is bugging me for a long time, I want to put it out in open and hear some opinions. My DH is a good gentleman, principled guy. I love him. Life is good with its ups and downs and he has many plus and some minus. One of which is his frugality. The way I see spending is soooooooooooo different from way he sees. And sometimes it gets me all worked up and I feel bad for it not knowing how to handle.

    I am on h4 but he has given me freedom to spend, never stopped me. But my nature is so , If I "know" people dont like some things, I tend not to do it, though I love to do it. Same is wiht my spending, I am not a spendthrift, but the range I think is so different from DHs. First of all the spending I talk is clearly within family, like my siblings, my parents etc. Dh thinks gifts are waste of money, where as I love to gift. He is not gonna stop me from every little thing, but sometimes knowing he thinks it as a waste stops me from doing it. And I battle between keeping myself happy by spending or myself happy by not doing thing he hates. With this , I get frustrated and angry and show it on him in other ways which he sometimes have no clue about.

    Even if its $2 if its a waste, its a waste - This is DH.
    I dont mind wasting $2 if it gives me some momentary happiness. - This is me.

    Parents are coming to visit us soon and I really wanted us to bear the tickets, atleast part of them since this is their first visit. But DH was hesitant to commit, since we have just bought a house.

    According to me, we have enough savings and this oppurtunity wont come back, whats wrong in doing it?
    According to him, we r investing big, so he dont want to commit to other expenses right now.

    The way I see as "Enough money" is different from the way he sees it.

    I feel there is always some or other investment or expense stopping us from doing things to parents/siblings....I am not able to convince myself.

    Nor I want to fight it and make it done with DH, he is not a man who is NOT WILLING to do it. He is just an under-buyer / over-cautious / frugal person.

    And sometimes I soooooooooooooo hate this. All the time thinking "we dont have enough...we dont have enough"....Its irritating. But I cant comment or argue since I am not working, I dont feel comfortable doing so.

    I jsut want to share it out with friends, since this is bugging me inside.

    I dont want to hurt him or make him feel bad, coz he is a genuinely nice person, but tthere is absolutely no way I can make him a less frugal /less cautious person or make me more-frugal or more-cautious person..

    How do I bridge the gap without hurting one another??????
     
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  2. steve

    steve Platinum IL'ite

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    Are your parents coming at your request? To help you with something? Can they afford the trip by themselves?

    If they are coming to help you, you should bear their expenses. Then it's not a discretionary cost.
     
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  3. aminroop

    aminroop IL Hall of Fame

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    maybe u can foot the bill one way.
     
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  4. akshaya452

    akshaya452 Silver IL'ite

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    Hai saradakathir,
    It's ks ditto with me. My DH also does the same thing. How I managed was to tell him when ever I buy some thing. It's just like talking to ur self while purchasing. Just give him an idea , like a casual discussion. And don't degrade ur self that ur on h4 And not working.

    One Advice please don't hurt him, he loves you . Respect that love. Only few people. Get that precious gift
     
  5. Endlesshope

    Endlesshope Platinum IL'ite

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    OP - I don't really want to comment on your DHs frugality if that's his basic nature nothing will change him.
    But , but, but buying a house in USof A is a huge expense, with all the down payment , the closing costs, the yearly HOA fees,and other Misc costs, so he is right in his way not to commit. And if your parents can afford to buy the tickets , nothing wrong with it.
     
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  6. smilysmile

    smilysmile Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Sarada,


    Be creative so that you can give nice presents like home made chocolates ,home baked cakes,helping pregnant friends with home made recipes ,being crafty etc, these cost you very little
     
  7. ragha81

    ragha81 Bronze IL'ite

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    Has your family ever spent a dollar for him. If not, he must be feeling why should I spend money for them by buying air tickets.
     

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