How To Deal With 4 Yr Old Boy

My DD of 2.5 years does the same in park. She tries to bully or hit kids younger to her if they try to overtake her in any rides or play with her toys without her permission. She screams , tries to kick them or bite them. She does these things where she won't be seen easily like in tunnels. She is a good girl at home but if any child takes her toys she would scream like hell. If she goes to other kids house ( her friend), then she wants their toys and if not given, she would scream till she gets it. She does this only with kids (even older to her) who won't resist her. If any kid is stronger taller than her, she will give way to that child and keep watching them. She knows and communicate only mother tongue and can't understand Hindi or English. She is not afriad of anyone and roams around freely in the park. It becomes embarrassing when she hit others. I have explained to her many times but one incident happen daily. How to make her behave like a good well-mannered girl.

 

I think ur 4 year knows there is no consequences what's ever he does to others or to u.. u need to give him timeout then that does not work take the privilege of the tv ,ultimate is the spanking if nothing works.. don't take him to the park the next day ask him to behave n give him as a reward taking to park next day.. tell him he achieved it for being nice..
need to tell them it's not ok to bully how will he feel some one bullies him or hit.. show him how he hit n ask does it hurt same was to him.. n being good will get him more friends..
I had been to one of my friends house her daughter was lik that pinching hitting my son at that time my son was just 1.2 years I was so mad bcz she was not telling her daughter at all I ended up picking my son n not keeping him down at that time her daughter was 3+.so I know how it feels wen other kids hits for no reason..
This may also be a phase so don't worry much.. they keep changing I don't till wen but hang in there..

 

Welcome to the inquisitive and I know more phase of the four's. Here we think it is the terrible two's and threes are bad.

move past the feeling of embarrassment. It is part of passing ritual as a parent. Everyone has those moments. Now coming to the hitting, tell your kid that you will not take him out to the park if he cannot play and a hitting or pushing is a big NO. Tell him you are watching him closely and the moment he does something like this just take him home. He needs to understand that he will have his privilege removed if he does these things.

The attention span of a 4 yr old is very small. What do you expect that he is going to sit in the same place for hours, then it is not possible. Maybe he will sit at playschool or school but he definitely knows this is his home where he can be him. He is in a phase where he jumps from one activity to another because he is more curious, feels adult and independent and tests his boundaries. Everyday he is going to test limits the more you say no it will be the things he would want to do simply to see how far he can go.
Maybe you need to be consistent whether on call or no call. A NO means NO. And stop saying no start the approach of stating no without saying NO that works positive with some kids. Say he makes noise when you are on call and you tell him, "Amma is on call so no noise" instead, "Amma has to take a call, for work and that x(your ds) is a good boy will co operate and help Amma to finish the work soon and good." And. When he behaves tell him thanks for helping Amma.

He is 4 forming his own likes and dislikes and food maybe another playground with his mastery to hold the spoon or use his hand. So he does not eat , stop going behind him. He can identify hunger to an extent. He will come and ask for it.

Does he watch cartoons or hears someone use these. Welcome to the world of 4+ they test everything, they want to use the vocabulary they learn, hear, not necessary that you have to use them. Tell him oh dear, bones won't mend soon and will become hard to walk or pick him. Tell him do you know how many bones are there. This is the time you can use his word divert them and teach him something that will be retained.


Sometimes people can be rude and judgemental and at other times our hurt or embarrassments makes us over sensitive to comments. JUst smile and move on.

Each child is different and he is just 4yet he is adult in his mind.

Happy healthy child grow up into confident human being. (Happiness is not a by product of satisfying all the whims of your kid).

Being calm,consistent in your discipline helps a lot

 

Hi op,
One suggestion would be take him to park warning him that if he misbehaves,you will not bring him to play.For mean while you can stay near him while he is playing so that you can take care from such incidents.keep telling him 'NO' when he does..kid's pick up languages..habits.. at the same time time eventually they forget it, so don't get distressed..

 

@kettie some kids know how to butt heads all the time. They are born to push all the buttons. No kidding seriously you can feel it. In Tamil we have a saying Adana Maatai adi Padara maatai paadi karakanum.. (you milk the dancing how dancing and singing cow singing) it is nothing but being firm yet flexible in how you disciple
. Observe your kid and work on a strategy. Sometimes reverse psychology works.
Get yourself a stop clock or timer and make it a game that he has to sit in a place for 5 minutes. If he does that you can read a book together. Make rewards simple and never complicated that he starts working only for the rewards. It would become difficult to wean off later.

Ok coming to toys, oh wow, you could break them and pull apart so fast, you are good but you are smarter if you can fix it and if all e toys get bCk to the toy box. Make it about him and not about how he is not listening to your words.

Not taking him out is wrong. Talk to him and tell him stories of good behaviour and great playmates. Make him understand that playing together without hurting each other is fun. To hurt others is not fun. Yes, my boy is strong. He will demonstrate he is strong by running fast in races and helping Mom and others and not by hitting.

It is easy to push a adamant child into obstinate, I rule the world child unless you think on your feet and make it about encouraging and listening to him and not stand by your ideas. He will test more and be adamant if you spank or shout. He is going to learn that it is ok to spank or shout when things are not going as per his wish. Maybe he has observed your reactions to him and applies it outside when the kids don't agree with him.( like if they are playing police and thief or something similar and your child wants to be the police all the time and other kids are not ok with it..it happens)

And regarding the breaking the bones maybe someone said it to him. It could be some parent or it could be someone trying to discipline him. You know the grandparents do say that .. in the language like norukiduvean which means breaking the bones.. seriously one of the reasons we should be careful about our vocabulary in front of these tykes .

Don't make parenting a power struggle. It is your child and you have to guide him. So whatever works for you and your kiddo is the best.

 

The curiosity, the why's and the why not.. you need to think one step ahead all the time. Have a explanation ready, and be consistent in the answer

 

Interesting thread and valuable parenting tips. Thanks to Shanvy.