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How To Deal When Parents Interfere In Your Married Life..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Twinkel, Nov 21, 2019.

  1. Twinkel

    Twinkel Platinum IL'ite

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    We aren't giving up the property. But as a moral responsibility, we aren't claiming our share of income as my mil is being taken care of.. my kids will definitely get their share.
    Also, as I mentioned, the share of income claimed may not make much difference to our life style in city here, but would definitely effect them, so we aren't keen on that.
     
  2. Twinkel

    Twinkel Platinum IL'ite

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    They aren't offering, neither are we demanding. But it's my mom interference that's bothering. It's not just about money here. We'll get our share property or income on that whenever we demand. But as of now, me and dh are interested to let things go on as they were.
     
  3. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Oh... I thought they were, because you had posted this:
    It doesn't matter. Do what doesn't make you angsty during the rest of your family way. And have a happy, prosperous life.
     
  4. Twinkel

    Twinkel Platinum IL'ite

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    That was 5 years ago and we can't undo that and say "yes" now. Neither can we expect them to bring the topic back now and offer again, as they aren't aware of what's going on in my mom's mind now. We do have the freedom and transparency between us so they expect we'll not think twice to demand the share, if the need comes.
    So, now after 5 years, they aren't offering and neither are we demanding. :)
     
  5. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    Is this an Indian trait or is it same elsewhere?

    When everything is going good, they find/create a new issue to whine about.
     
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  6. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    It started with the Quality Movement, and the need for continuous improvement. A Mother could feel (at some odd moment of reverie) that her daughter could use some mothering, and improvement.
    Mother's credo: I pester, therefore I am.​
    One cannot (as the OP says) deny a mother the very existence.
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2019
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  7. Twinkel

    Twinkel Platinum IL'ite

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    Or maybe they never realise they are creating an issue in otherwise pleasent life. They just think they are "warning" or protecting us of possible threat and never it might cross their mind that they are disturbing us.
     
  8. Twinkel

    Twinkel Platinum IL'ite

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    "as the OP says"???? If am not mentioning that , is it that simple? :flushed:Can a mom's existence be denied that easily?? Is it just me?? Am I missing something here? :expressionless:
    Don't know about others but I just cannot unsee or unhear or ignore what my mom says.. so, am bothered and this thread!!
    :unamused::unamused:
     
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  9. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    See the chain of events !?


    Interference (not necessarily -ve) being passed on from gen to gen.

    Like ragging in college, or like an ancestral property (unless one decides to splurge/live the moment and sell it off for that European tour and face the wrath of their future generation ''dad/grandpa sold it off cheap, else I would have been born millionaire, now I have to study and work for a lifetime'')

    --

    Thinking again, living in India (or letting the interference happen) is a great spiritual experience. The idea of 'self' is not just you: an ensemble of your entire ecosystem: Everyone including your maid, neighbor, relatives, co-passengers all have a free hand to opine on things in your life and they take offense if you don't pay heed - maturity and individual is a myth.

    And if any decision based on above goes wrong, you have the same ecosystem to rely on to whine about it - side effect free Prozac.
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2019
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  10. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Dear OP

    Chill down. This is part and parcel of a marriage life in our part of the world.
    If PILs are great, parents do the whining part. If parents are great, PILs do the whining part.
    If both are not great, both will do their share of interference.

    No one ever had a very peaceful journey forever unless they are very far (both physically and emotionally) from their parents.

    And sadly, the truth is both sets of parents interfere with the "good" intention of making their children's life better. But while doing this, they forget, their children are not just their children, but someone's spouse; hence such interference could affect the spouses of their children.
    The inability see a child as someone's spouse after marriage is the biggest problem in our society. That's what make them not great, regardless of their "otherwise" great parenting qualities.

    Having said that, ignore your mother's interference for now.
    Because as an expectant mom, you don't need this kind of tension.
    Use a white lie. Tell her that you had conveyed this to your PILs via H, and they are cool about it.
    Tell her that they have started sharing, and you are planning to invest the same on the kids from now on.
    But warn her not to speak this with your in laws. Because they might suspect her interference negatively. This way, you can close this topic once for all.

    I am sure your mom won't come and check your bank balance every now and then. So, you may comfortably leave this to eternity and wait for good things without spoiling the great relationship with PILs.
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2019

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