How To Deal Tough Husband

You should start working which will divert you, earn self respect and financial independence.

 

give him a reality check.Go for a trip you and your kid alone.Tell him that he never understands your wishes and never respects your initiatives and planning,so you are going alone with your kid.If your husband doesnt want to be shouted at,then write him an email with all your requirements and see how he responds

 

@rathia- I am very sorry for your situation.
Your husband isn't tough. He is through and through momma's boy. I can't attest if your Dh loves you. But I can say that he might not have known "how to be a better husband". According to him buying a house, a credit card, jewels, and material stuff is a sign of showing love and being a good husband.

If he still confides in his mother, sisters than coming to you shows that he hasn't gotten out of his mom's clutches or just doesn't see why he has to confide in you.

For your DH to change- Communicate what you want in the relationship. You absolutely want him to respect you, confide in you than giving you surprises or tell you at the last min ( maybe this the way his family does things, his father may not ask his mother's permission or discuss).

You want him to discuss things with you. I think you should tell him to do that.
Start small- Tell him you will appreciate him more if he tells you openly and discuss things with you. You start by leading- Discuss with him about purchasing a small coffee maker ( just an example).

It looks like your DH is upset that you are fighting and arguing- Don't fight, shout, argue or ignore. Be ASSERTIVE, be ACCOMODATING, Be COOL. If he wants you to do something for him and you don't like the approach, idea make sure you tell him "I don't like doing this---but I am going to do this, because I love you and I care for you".
If you want to go to Christmas party and he refuses to accompany you- you should just go by yourself. By not going you are just fanning his ego and handing over your self-respect and saying... "I will do as per your wishes".

He has given you a credit card- why don't you go splurge? Why did you wait for 1.5 years to get yourself a phone? I am not siding with your DH... Your DH may feel that you need more of hand holding, approval from him, has to fulfill your expectations. Your DH may not be wanting to do any of it for you-- coz he is already doing to his mom, sis. (I am not saying your DH's right)

You have to make him care for you. You have to slowly make him feel you are indispensable. You have to make him feel- talking to you, confiding, discussing with you is easy, natural. This may be hard for a momma's boy... you can do it. (my DH aka- momma's boy is still under progress)

I suggest you not to give in and play the goody goody DIL and wife role- if someone comes home at the last min- say you cant entertain, carry on your day or evening. If the guest see a bit of drama- so be it. What do you want a good pat on your back or to be respect and value for your time?
If your DH springs on you to attend a function at the last min- say you have plans. Don't go.. to save your DH's face.
You stand up for yourself. Don't yield to everything.
If you are yielding communicate that you are yielding to his last min request and canceling your plans because it will make him happy.

Cancelling your anniversary get away- Not good that your DH is seeking his mother's permission. It shows how much controlling his mom is. Why is he even asking her? Does he expect his parents to be a part of this getaway?

It's good that your SIL is understanding of you and your situation-- it looks like your DH has to realize it by himself. He doesn't seem who would listen. This sort of behavior is usually fanned by parents.
Dont expect your DH to change coz his mom or sis told him to do so. He won't change nor will he do anything... untill he understands or realizes that he has to do it-- for himself to be happy in the relationship.

Communication is the key-- communicate in calm, assertive, polite way. Learn to ignore his last min "yield to me" rules.
You guys are still a young couple and trust me it will take a lot of effort to be with a momma's boy and to change them. However, you have to stand for yourself first and start saying 'NO' and communicate 'No' in a fashion he understands it better.

I also did this little trick of building our family- I started to say "we three..... have to be happy", "we three need a get away", " we three are so stressed..." we three blah blah"
I said this so many times until he started to repeat the same lines ( I too have a 15 month old)

I was once bitching to my aunt how my Dh is a momma's boy- she told me to make him be a part of my family and gave her children as examples. She has 1 boy and a girl. She told me that she raised both her children according to her and her DH's wishes and from her viewpoint of right, wrong, struggles. If I wanted my DH to be a part of my family, with my rules, with me as his focal point--- I need to make him feel like he belongs with me and my DS. I can't keep crying that my DH is with his mom.. without trying to make him feel he is needed or be accommodative to him without communicating what is it I need or what is it that he needs to do to be a part of our family.

Communication is the key.
Things will get better
Goodluck

 

This is about power and control. You need to take back control of your life and marriage.

Start small and fight fire with fire. Since he refuses to accompany you for events that are important to you (friend's birthday, office party), you can refuse to attend events that are important to him.

In fact, tell him that if he informs you of his plans at the last minute, you won't go with him. This way, he has to consult you in advance or he has to go alone. Since his public image is important to him, he'll have to confront the issue.

Suggest going for counseling as a couple if the opportunity presents itself.

Good luck, @rathia!