How To Convince Stubborn Husband

You could move out of India for better career opportunities or for further studies . Would your husband support that ? Why don't you try to move to a country like Singapore for a short while , there must be good options in case you want to study further . tell him it's closer to India and his parents can come when they like .
But the biggest question is how will moving away to a different country help your situation ? The IL's would still continue doing what they did when you were in the US ,right? Rather than convincing the husband , seems like IL's are the ones that have more of a say in where you guys live. The other important question is regarding your husband's career and job opportunities in the new country. Is he ok moving again without affecting his career prospects ?

 

It is a tough situation. Since your mil made such a ruckus the last time u guys were out of the country, your dh's lack of reaction or interest is not surprising.

He may have lost any interest or ideas to leave ever again due to the past experience. And he may believe that no matter where you guys go, his parents are going to keep coming there every few months and cry n force you guys to return. And it maybe true in your case depending on what you conveyed.

Maybe if you can make a similar scene like your mil, will he respond?

Or portray how important this is for you, n keep repeating it in a subtle but in a deeper level n see if his reaction changes.

Or if this is stressing or depressing you, maybe a doctor friend or a doctor can recommend that a change of place is important. (Just make sure it won't come back to bite you, as this can be a touchy topic for some).

Best workable option - if he gets a lucrative offer that he can't refuse, u may have a chance.

Will a different state or city still work for you too? That maybe a lil easy to convince saying it's still the same country n still close n all.

If nothing works despite all your tries with your dh.. And on a completely different angle, If you need a change so badly and if you work.. Is it possible for you to get a job abroad? You can either use that point to convince him that change might be good for you guys or maybe take it as a break for sometime.

 

Dear, moving to another country can be really hectic and inconvenient, so your husband's reaction is not too surprising. Plus, if his parents pressured him so much to move back to India, what makes you think that they would easily let you guys move abroad again?
I totally get your desire for a change, I myself loved to live in different places when we didn't have kids. Ladies above gave you nice suggestions about moving for a better job opportunity or for further studies. If this doesn't work, I recommend you to just take a break and go on vacation. Go travel for couple weeks alone, with friends or your husband. When I feel like I need a change, I grab my girlfriends and we go hiking up north or travel somewhere new to explore new scenery. Usually, it's enough to reset me.

 

If you want a change, you want to move to forin country, YOU move. Why harangue your husband to move?

When you are moving to forin, and he values you more than anyone in the family, he will also move to be with you. That is how you convince him to move.

 

@Sweety82 so husband is ok with you staying away from him , are you ok too ? Long distance relationships are not easy, specially when there is stress between couples . The easier way out is probably to take a small break , stay with your parents and come back a little calmer and less stressed.
OR stay away to study further ( why different country ? , why not different city? ) . The only positive here is that you learn to be independent , emotionally too. But I assume it would cause a lot of upheaval in your marriage and with the IL's. I would go this route only if it is done as a means to further my career, not because I am tired of IL's. In the end, you don't want your relationship with the IL's to affect your marriage. So think carefully ! Best wishes !!

 

I think his answer to you just confirms about his decision to stay is even stronger. Even if he gets a lucrative offer, his parents may make him deny it saying this is enough, us being together is more important. Since he has gone thru it first hand, more drama n personal blackmail directly from his parents, it will be in his head all the time. Even if by some miracle you convince him, your in laws will easily weigh it down with their old tantrums n won't let u guys even leave, forget coming there n torturing to come back.

If you are indeed going to study, money, distance, duration is going to add in. If you are financially dependent on your dh, that may add on too. There are vocational courses, from just a few days to a few months. You can check that out.

If you really want to study, you can join a full time course like MBAor smthng in the same city you are in. Or vocational courses like arts / culinary. Or join a full time job. May take your mind off things, make new friends n develop experience n skills.

Distance can be very tricky even in a super duper happy relationships. Mainly, the reason for that distance. So even if you are goin to study, make sure it's for a short while. Not years. N make sure it won't come back to torture you in the future. That may worsen the whole thing.

Or if you just need a small break, A vacation can energise. Either go with your family or go on ladies tours. They offer both domestic n international trips, you can pick those n can keep going frequently. I know of friends who travels atleast a few times in a year n a few of it in ladies groups only. They are the constant travellers, if it helps you, you can do it too. It can vary from 3-10 days for one trip, that's it.

 

@Sweety82, I'm not sure running away is the answer. Moving to another country for a couple of years is just a temporary reprieve. You need more permanent solutions since your ILs are not going anywhere any time soon. You'll need to find a way to manage them and control your reaction to them.

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I do not think your marriage will be on track if you guys move out of India?
If so, it must have been better when you were outside of India. But looks like, you had troubles when you were in the US.
Believe me, no foreign country can change your marriage, unless you and your H wants to change it. Because, where ever you go, your MIL can follow you or stage a crying drama to get you back.

Your reasoning to have a change in your life is very valid. Of course, it is important.
But don't think that a change in your destination can change your destiny.

First of all, change your life style.
If you are not working, then it is high-time to enroll work-force.
Enjoy the satisfaction of your own income, and feel proud about it.
If you do not have many friends, then it is time to make some new friends.
If you do not have a hobby, then find one.
If you have time, enroll to some classes that can polish your skills. I would prefer learning a new language.
Diet, gym, yoga, meditation, reading and cookery can definitely change your routine.

This way, you will be less bothered about your PILs. You will be less depending your husband.
You will feel self dependent and the sense of control over your own life.

When you have that control, nothing can influence you.