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How To Convince Conservative Parents?

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by EightKittens, Nov 8, 2019.

  1. EightKittens

    EightKittens Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond. It was so interesting that a lot of people here found it 'shocking' that my parents expected me to go back to India just to get married. I started to feel so unhappy at having been such a failure of a woman that I couldn't even manage to get married like everyone else. And that's another reason that I want to walk away from this process completely. It's destroying my self-esteem. I want to focus on things in my life that bring me joy.

    I guess what I'm getting from here is that I have resign myself to keep putting my parents off the same way as I have been doing. But I think all of your responses have helped me see that I have no reason to feel guilty about it.
     
    Topaz49 likes this.
  2. EightKittens

    EightKittens Silver IL'ite

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    Lol...I'm almost on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady anyway :D
     
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  3. Agathinai

    Agathinai Silver IL'ite

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    OP,
    You don’t have to close the options yet. You can tell your parents that you have worked so hard to reach this position and will not be moving back to India.

    Your choice to remain single for now may change in future if you find a suitable partner. So no need to close the door due to the frustrations you have encountered till now.

    Neither being married nor being single can guarantee anyone happiness. Life throws so many obstacles for both the groups and they cross these hurdles and carry on with life.

    So don’t close the door yet and make your wishes clear to your parents. Good luck.
     
  4. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Do you have on mind what and all you would be doing in future, future plans, like how you want to experience life and how the marriage with this kind of typical guy, as you explained in original post, is a cycle , and you don't want to get into it.
    Are you concrete on your decision, not interested in kids? If so, as no need to worry on biological clock ticking, tell parents the same, and when really a good guy what you wanted, come across you will be considering.

    You already know what and all questions they will have have when you say not interested in marriage now, get ready for a detail conversation and explain your views on each.

    Leave it to their understanding, as same thing what you say will be understood differently by them. And tell them you are not ready for any further discussion on this.

    At least ask an year to not bring it up again and see how much you explored on life and have a chat again after one year.

    tell them Having different opinions should n't affect your and parents relationship, take care of your parents as usual.
     
    Topaz49 and EightKittens like this.
  5. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Mangaii, Rihana already addressed what I was thinking.
    Accepting guidance is not equal to pressuring one to get married. At 30 we have to trust our kids to take the right decisions. This is Indian parenting where parents are giving guidance all through their kids lives . No wonder a lot of the adult kids cannot seem to take independent decisions , only because they do not have the opportunity to. No wonder we have many posts here of parents still influencing their children’s married lives, financial decisions etc etc.
    Also if the parents guidance ensured only good experiences for kids, why do arranged marriages fail ?

     
    Topaz49, EightKittens, Rihana and 2 others like this.
  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    True.
    And giving opinions to grown up or married kids is far different from forcing them to do the same. Only when parents realise this there will be less drama.

    I think Indian government should mandate that parents should undergo some training when the kids are of marriageable age on how to behave when kids get married. How much they can interfere in their life so that the life after marriage will be peaceful for the young and old couple.

    Too much interference is the main cause for all the saas bahu drama even if they are miles apart!
     
  7. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    Thats ironical! On the one hand we are saying dont poke your nose to parents, and now we want govt! of all to poke nose into parenting? :(
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  8. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    If tats the only option left why not!
     
  9. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    :cheer:So funny!

    Made me recall old Perry Mason TV show episodes where the accused will be told "if you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you".

    India government can tell prospective bahu's that the government will assign her a pair of well vetted PIL's if she cannot find a pair on her own.
     
  10. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    Its very ironical. What we are saying we dont want is exactly what is being suggested to do. Thats the irony I am saying. Once you get the govt in, its all hell loose. From the frying pan into the fire.
     

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