Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by EightKittens, Nov 8, 2019 at 10:47 PM.
So you are windows 10 and they think you are still windows xp.
I hope you don’t mind me asking this .Just wondering when parents have crossed that bridge can’t they give input to kids . Honestly what you think is right in 30s May not feel the same when you are in 40s. What is wrong in accepting guidance from parents ? Are adult kids supposed to learn good and bad experiencing themselves in life ?
What you see in IL is posted by people who have problems in life not happy couple .
Pretty standard situation for a lot of us
Similar thread, more perspectives.
@EightKittens, welcome to IL!
You are already popular with me because of two things:
I don't have any advice for you, but I can answer this:
I would say "Thank you!" Trying to find a partner for someone else is sooo much work. I'd be grateful to be let off the hook.
Agreed, there are many who aren't members or may not post in Rel. Cannot assume all have similar problems.
In general, parents are a good source for advice or input as 99.9% of them only want the best for their child. But, like Manisha says, "your parents might have your best interests at heart, but need not be the best decision makers of your life."
In the OP's case, the parents are trying to fulfill their responsibility of getting OP married. This is a little different from helping her to find a partner. Not that they are to be blamed in any way. It is natural for ageing parents to want to see their child "settled" in life. It will take another few generations before parents start to accept that single-hood is a perfectly fine way of leading a life.
Telling OP to leave her job and move to India as there is a bigger pool of suitable men shows that in this case, OP should more think for herself than rely on parents. Moving back to India after finding a man based there is one thing. Moving back to increase the chances of finding a man is not the best advice for a woman who has put so much effort into getting where she is.
When children move out and spend years in other countries ,parents should realize that their world now are different .
Unless the child shows enthusiasm for an arranged match the traditional way,parents should let children find their own partners .
I am shocked at op's parents asking her to leave her job and move back to increase her chances of finding a match.
With this ,they have chosen their own mental peace over her happiness .When this happens,it is time to accept that they may not be the best people to take advice from no matter how much they love you. There heart may be in the right place but their mind is not.
Op...if you do not want to have a show down , just keep refusing . It is hard but better than being forced into a marriage .
Hope you have the strength to stand your ground and they have more patience with you.
If I am ever in the same situation as your parents, I would ask her to keep her mind and heart open for a soul mate no matter when that happens,if it happens.....and advice her to have a good friend circle and a nice nest for future.....may be with eight cute kittens
I am a mother of a girl.
from my view,your feelings are perfectly understandable and it makes sense.
Marriage is a commitment and there is no “happily ever after”.
You have been independent and used to it.So to give up your independence and make compromises and sacrifices,tolerance in a marriage which is required by both sides..is a bit tough to deal after all these years.
At the same time..it has a lot of beautiful moments which are worth it.
everything has pros and cons.
Marriage,kids are a part of life.That does not make life.There is no set definition about “what right life is”..
Never succumb to emotional blackmail and do what is right for you.
At the end,you and the guy are the one in this marriage and the rest of the world will wash their hands after the marriage is done but everything else you guys what to deal.
Take a clear decision and do what is right for your happiness
Did You Know There Are Laws in India That Protect Men and Women from Forced Marriages?
Unfortunately unmarried daughters are still considered as taboo.
Although you have laws to protect yourself from forced marriages but I think this is not an option always.
Irrespective of the age and gender many parents still think that they have all the rights to decide their kids future.