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How To Communicate To Husband

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Kukudukuu, Oct 5, 2017.

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  1. Oct 5, 2017 #11
    Kukudukuu

    Kukudukuu Silver IL'ite

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    My mil is very quick with her words and actions. She can change sides very easily. Also I don't think my husband still believes their double standards. So it is not very easy to create such situations. I try to not tell him anything but ILs keep nagging so much so that I tend to vent out like a pressure cooker. I have to learn to let of this, which I am in the process..
     
    Kukudukuu, Oct 5, 2017
    Kukudukuu, Oct 5, 2017
    #11
  2. Oct 5, 2017 #12
    Kukudukuu

    Kukudukuu Silver IL'ite

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    I have tried this.. he will only end up saying when they have so many positives why do you dwell upon the negatives.. he will talk to me in a way I start feeling guilty about myself though I am not at fault. But the fact being the amount of help I have received from them is almost nil considering the agony they have been.
     
    Kukudukuu, Oct 5, 2017
    Kukudukuu, Oct 5, 2017
    #12
  3. Oct 5, 2017 #13
    sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Then directly tell the present issue that is bothering u. Tell only ur feelings. Make him empathise ur situation.
     
    sindmani, Oct 5, 2017
    sindmani, Oct 5, 2017
    #13
  4. Oct 5, 2017 #14
    YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Yea.. inlaws are masters at being split personality. They dont offer basic coffee to dil when they go literally behind son and beg him to have coffee(after dil makes coffee everyday multiple times for everyone in house). H cant even notice such simple things and how much it hurts us.
    I started giving some chores to my H, like packing kid lunch box or getting her ready to school thinking that atleast my mil will come forward to help. You know what, she helped for 2 days, then became lazy and H started doing it by himself and he got the memo LOUD and CLEAR. Saved me a fight.
     
    YoGirl, Oct 5, 2017
    YoGirl, Oct 5, 2017
    #14
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  5. Oct 5, 2017 #15
    Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, this one's a goner. Never seen such communications being understood correctly & taken in the right perspective. But, on the positive side, if the husband has spine enough to defend his parents, then be happy that he will have enough courage to defend you too. We don't want Joroo ka gulams, do we? Remember , we are queens, so we need kings isn't it?
     
    Naari, Oct 5, 2017
    Naari, Oct 5, 2017
    #15
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  6. Oct 5, 2017 #16
    Kukudukuu

    Kukudukuu Silver IL'ite

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    I do.. both of us are not very comfortable after such conversation.
     
    Kukudukuu, Oct 5, 2017
    Kukudukuu, Oct 5, 2017
    #16
  7. Oct 5, 2017 #17
    Kukudukuu

    Kukudukuu Silver IL'ite

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    So true! This reminds of an instance when mil had a surgery on her foot and was on bed rest. I did take care of her and managed the entire household while taking care of my 8 month old son. After she recovered she tells me, it is because of you I had to undergo all this. Keep away from my kitchen. I was shocked to the core and didn't know how to react..
     
    Kukudukuu, Oct 5, 2017
    Kukudukuu, Oct 5, 2017
    #17
  8. Oct 5, 2017 #18
    DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    What do you mean by nagging. Is it over phone or direct ? You live with them?

    I think it is mostly a universal problem many wives face. If dh is not ready to listen , not point in complaining. Deal it by yourself. Also learn the art of action and ignoring to the core when you dont like something. I have noticed that in many cases. Ignoring their tantrums and showing you dont care work wonders.
     
    DDream, Oct 5, 2017
    DDream, Oct 5, 2017
    #18
    Kukudukuu likes this.
  9. Oct 5, 2017 #19
    Kukudukuu

    Kukudukuu Silver IL'ite

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    DH helps me with the household chores when I really need it. She made this a huge issue for which DH didn't care, so she has stopped talking about it..
     
    Kukudukuu, Oct 5, 2017
    Kukudukuu, Oct 5, 2017
    #19
  10. Oct 5, 2017 #20
    Kukudukuu

    Kukudukuu Silver IL'ite

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    Both.. I have now stopped calling them up..we used to live together, moved out 2 years ago. But DH insists that we meet up most of the weekends so that DS also gets to spend some time with them.. I do this only to satisfy DH.
     
    Kukudukuu, Oct 5, 2017
    Kukudukuu, Oct 5, 2017
    #20
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