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How To Communicate To Husband

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Kukudukuu, Oct 5, 2017.

  1. Kukudukuu

    Kukudukuu Silver IL'ite

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    Dear ILs
    How do we communicate the dark side of ILs without hurting DH sentiments ? DH is generally very sensible till some sort of an interference by ILs. He too, like any other person, likes his parents . But his parents belong to the category who cannot simply see us have a cordial relationship. They constantly keep nagging about everything we do, which DH doesn't like either. Most of the times we end up having some issues with this and I feel I have lost my peace of mind. There are certain things that are very delicate which DH assumes to be OK if I don't talk about, but if I do talk, it can lead to arguments. How do I touch upon these without creating a rift?
     
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  2. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Sailing in the same boat. Waiting for advices. :)
     
    shri0218 and Kukudukuu like this.
  3. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Write a letter sharing the problems, your feelings, thoughts, preferably a few solutions with clear, precise, non judgemental words. No pointing fingers.

    Write it in such a way that even if you are writing about your mil n even if she reads it, she will understand the problem clearly n won't feel that you are being rude about her.

    Sometimes our anger should be pushed away when it comes to finding clear solutions.

    So be clear in passing your messgage n ask him to write back or let him alone talk n you listen. No talking back n forth till you both can talk about it point to point without any arguments. Because arguments can destroy the whole purpose.

    Has worked at the worst of times.
     
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  4. Kukudukuu

    Kukudukuu Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you for your reply.
    I prefer not to have anything written as it would create record in case of worst situations. And the listening part, DH is one person who doesn't talk.. he is an introvert. He gets everything bottled up.. so I can't get hints about what is going on in his mind..
     
  5. Kukudukuu

    Kukudukuu Silver IL'ite

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  6. RohiniVenkat

    RohiniVenkat Silver IL'ite

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    @Kukudukuu I just came across the same situation. My DH is also same as your's.. introvert, don't even talk if we talk to them personally.

    I was holding all my hurts in my heart for more than a year. But last week, when my MIL breached my threshold point, I burst out. I did not talk even a single word to her, neither cried. I simply said, I'm sorry and quit the call. After that, I cannot keep the pain inside me for long time, as I'm pregnant, I was more brittle than anytime. So I reached my DH via whatsapp. I explained him how much I got hurt by her words but ensured that I did not call him to blame her. I found he got to know how I felt.

    The unknown part to me..
    He questioned his mom for her fault and she started playing political games with his emotions.

    Such emotional dramas will not last long, until our words are too clear about how we feel & not blaming them.

    This way really helped me. Secondly when you are genuine with your words and if it is more sensitively against their parents, they cannot use it against us in any mode. I hope such scenario will not happen. And when it coems for introvert, they will never show their personal chat with his wife to ANYONE. I'm telling this since I have the same.
     
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  7. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Why do you want to tell DH? Why dont u confront inlaws directly? You already said that ur H is sensitive to such talks(like most men). Y do u want to talk and fight on issues that are not because of you two. Or you can create situations such that they display the behavior.
     
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  8. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    U can tell in a way that will tell how u feel about the issue . U can talk that u empathy how ur in-laws have so n so good things in them and how they helped u but this particular incident hurt u.
     
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  9. zeppelingirl

    zeppelingirl Silver IL'ite

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    Thats so true. Dont record your issues. It will turn against you. I'm having same issue as yours. But my husband doesnt think his parents involvement is spoiling our peace. He thinks it is me who is spoiling our relationship by taking in-laws a big deal. He always thinks his parents are correct. And I'm someone who has to be corrected.
     
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  10. Kukudukuu

    Kukudukuu Silver IL'ite

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    I hope you are not staying in the same city as your ILs.. this is the situation where we don't meet them often. But in my case, since we stay in the same city, we happen to meet them almost every weekend.and the same story repeats after every meeting..
     

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