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How to Carry on life?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by panda2014, Apr 14, 2014.

  1. panda2014

    panda2014 Silver IL'ite

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    Yes I totally agree with you "peartree"...The grass always seem to appear greener on the other side. And "Hasteraho" the first link is really nice with appropriate name tags describing a particular personality . It was really fun to read . Will definitely share the link with my friend. And the metaphysics link is a bit difficult to digest . Anyways thank you both of you for sharing your wonderful tips.ideasmiley
     
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  2. Denni

    Denni Gold IL'ite

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    I can relate to your friend on this matter. I don't have a facebook and dread having one. That didn't prevent me from looking into my husbands facebook account.I would sneak into my former friends profile. Some of my former friends are living abroad, those who were average in studies back in high school managed to further their studies up to Masters/PhD and married professionals. Whereas , I didn't get to further my studies because my father thought investing money in my studies is "bad investment" as I will soon get married and leave the house. I didn't marry a professional either. I always ask myself, why everyone around me has a wonderful life, they go holiday , they look happy with their spouse .
    I never went on any holiday since I got married (9 years ago), my husband isn't a romantic person and will never be.
    My entire life is a routine, I wake up in the morning, go to work (6.30am-6.30am), come back home ,cook, clean, feed the kid, rest for a while and off to bed. That's the routine I've been going thru since I married. I don't have any social life or anything special happening in my life, its just darn routine every single day in my life.

    You can how see unfair life is by reading the story below

    My friend
    My friend has loose moral and not so so good character. She always bad mouth her friends and pretends to be an angel among her many bf's. Her family was poor but her father was worked really hard to educate his children. She managed to further her studies with her parents help. I heard from a close friend that she had many bf's in University. Now she is married (arranged marriage) to an engineer based abroad, blessed with 2 beautiful kids. She's homemaker with a maid. Her husband adores her and they go holiday oversee every year with the family.

    Me:
    Homely and filial daughter. Never had any bf until I was in my 20's. My first BF is my husband now. Parents didn't cared about my education or my marriage. I arranged my own wedding with my own money. Married a middle class man. He's a nice guy but being nice isn't enough. Have a child. My life has its ups and downs. I worked hard for everything, nothing comes easy for me. I live for other people more than for myself.

    Sometimes I wonder if God does exist ?...why people who have commit lots of sins get better life than some people who would not even harm an insect. KARMA?...I must have committed lots of sin if I'm getting punished for my bad karma.I have spent years blaming myself for my bad luck and my parents. It didn't change a thing, it only made me grumpy and unhappy!

    Anyway, my advice to your friend, stop your self pity. Its not going to get you anywhere. Get up and tell yourself , this isn't the end. Tell her to do all the stuff she only dreamed doing. List them down and do one at a time. Don't be sad over the failed marriage , maybe there's better life out there waiting. Take things positively. Good luck
     
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  3. indoc

    indoc Gold IL'ite

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    @Denni
    You might have heard this "Karma is a b**ch".. as long as you are happy with your husband and kids, your friends lives shouldn't matter. You are working & earning, you now have a chance to improve your qualifications & get new skills.. its easier said than done, but you can give it a try.
     
  4. vini31

    vini31 Gold IL'ite

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    life is never fair that is the only thing that is constant, everything else abt life can change so OP ask ur friend to ignore constants in life and make the change work in her favour
     
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  5. Denni

    Denni Gold IL'ite

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    Dear indoc,

    KARMA is a b--ch, I agree with you on that. I never bothered about my friends lives, almost 99% of them are doing better then me. I only highlighted the issue so that our friend who is going thru a divorce would find some relive that she's not alone.
    Yes, Im working and earning, the funny part is I tried to further my studies but I have to give up at my final year to help someone who is not worthy of my sacrifice and love, but I did it anyway. Even now I'm paying huge sum of money for some one else's debt. I brought all this to my life, no one else to be blamed.

    Well, sorry, this thread isn't about me. So enough about me here. Lets focus on the real issue. Thanks anyway indoc for your kind and encouraging words.
     
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  6. cutiepie66

    cutiepie66 Gold IL'ite

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    I came across few pictures which says life is unfair. I would like to share two of those with you. But before that, I can really feel what your friend is undergoing. Everyone has their own set of problems and so your friend. Even I had a friend like yours who used to feel a lot for her divorce. Now she is remarried and happily living. Time will change anything and everything. We just should have the patience to wait. Your friend is lucky enough to come out of an unhappy marriage. But how many women are trapped in unhappy marriage and treated badly by their husbands and in-laws and still not able to come out of it because of various reasons? Your friend should talk to those girls to know their pain. I truly wish your friend come out of this depression soon and live a happy life.
    Cancer - What did this child do to suffer? cancer.jpg
    Last good bye.jpg
     
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  7. panda2014

    panda2014 Silver IL'ite

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    @dennie
    Your story is very catchy and mirrors my friends life to a certain extent . But now she is furthering her education to distract herself from the pain. After all knowledge is power. And theres no age to do the right thing. But still i admire you since you are financially independent and . The greatest regret my friend has it that she was a brilliant student during her school and college days but some how could not do much career wise and is unemployed right now. She really feels guilty and overwhemled that she did not have the courage to develop her career despite having good academic records.
    @Cutie pie
    Very true... these graphics remind us that life is the most precious gift God has bestowed up on us which often we overlook.
     
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  8. kitty89

    kitty89 Silver IL'ite

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    I'm in the same phase as your friend. And I have landed here. :wave:

    I have got some very good friends who are encouraging, who are going through the same pain.

    Ask her to study further and earn good salary.

    I have concentrated on my career and have built my own house also.

    You know what makes me contended?

    I have no MIL who would shout me if I woke up at 12 PM now, no kids to worry about, no abuse committed on me, no one expects me to change.

    So much freedom to do what I want to do. I'm happy being like this.

    I go to second show movies, go for bike rides alone. What not.

    Yes jealousy comes when you see someone being happy with spouse and kids. You know what I am more beautiful than my cousin who has a kid now Harhar. And we both got married in the same year.

    Men still ogle at me. She now looks like an aunty , lost all her charm.

    I don't mean people who have kids lose their beauty. Yea they do lose their charm due to lack of personal care.

    See the positive side.
     
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  9. HeartHealer

    HeartHealer Guest


    Hi Denni,

    I read your complete post and I would like to say something on this.

    I get it, your life is a routine that you follow daily, your husband is not romantic and you guys never went for a holiday in past 9 years or so.
    These things are concerning and demand your attention, I agree. All that you have said in the first few lines of your post, makes sense.

    But everything that you have mentioned about your friend is, somewhere I feel not right.

    You are completely under-estimated yourself on this. To you and to others ( even her husband ) she might be the most wanted and lucky girl, but ma'am, in eyes of many, you are a thousand times worthier than her.

    I am not saying all this to please you, but yes, if you never had a boyfriend in your past life, if you loved once and married your lover, if you are committed to your husband and your family, if you never had any clandestine relationships, if you have maintained your good character, I and many others ( like me ) would respect you, value you, consider you more than that friend of yours who's a liar, a deceit, show off and a fake personality.

    Your simplicity, your genuity, your sofistication, your character are your biggest achievements. Where you made all arrangements of your marriage and she studied with help from her father, I say, you are way better than her.

    So, by comparing yourself to someone who's no where near to you in what you're, is a waste of your time and effort.
    There's absolutely no point. For her, she can fake many ( but, not all ) by her charm etc, but you're strong from within. If she has a good life, she has compromised her character for that. You have other's blessings and love.

    So, don't feel pity about yourself. You are way better than her.
     
  10. panda2014

    panda2014 Silver IL'ite

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    Thank u kitty . Freedom and personal care . Good points to ponder.
     
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