Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ashneys, Feb 3, 2020.
haha.. turbulence .. Thank you..
I am hoping for the same from my bro or the sil..
I already got a taste of this medicine so am kinda ready for this whole take the back seat thing,
My bro was in a serious relationship that didn’t progress due to her family.
That phase taught me many things.
My mom used to call me everyday n complain about how she did this n that n that my bro is changing n dancing to her tunes n many things like that which made me believe that she’s a bad person.
My bro had no clue how to talk to each member to take the relationship smoothly instead he was the cause of many of the problems that my mom complained about.
Things like this caused rift between every member of the family. It was like a relationship even before marriage though her contact with us was very minimal but the problems were everyday. Even he started behaving strangely, more angry, taking only her side, etc.
My take on that, bro managed to mess up for everyone just by his words n actions, if it all he had a better control, it would have been a lot smoother. My mom was threatened by her n she was by mom. When all this happened I almost lost my bro n zero relationship with the gal. I won’t be surprised if she hated me as mom has this habit of saying ‘she said this’ even if I didn’t. My mom’s emotional turmoil , it was hell.
Now I feel like life has given me a second chance after showing me a glimpse of how bad a relationship can turn. N I don’t wana screw it up this time. I have already started telling my mom ‘be nice or they will call you as the evil mil’.
She has only one thing ‘don’t separate me from my son’. If she feels anyone threatens that place, it turns nasty.
Financially she’s secured so she’s not gona be demanding him to cough up. I will be happy if he doesn’t do that to mom.
The dil doesn’t have to worry abt me either, am well settled n I give my bro not the other way round.
house tasks: there’s help for everything, the new dil doesn’t have to do anything until unless she chooses to. So chores aren’t gona cause issues.
I can push mom to come over since my bro won’t be alone anymore. He does travel to different places n countries with his friends but ‘she’ doesn’t leave him back n goes. Give the couple some time alone. Or maybe they travel.
She’s not gona demand to be taken out with them every time n not gona stop them from going out either.
Problem: could be like SGBV’s - if her parents has ill prepped her to be wary of the new family.
Or try to push mom away.
My bro has no mouth filter n does the same ’bad management’.
Mom seeing every fight as some kinda breakup.
How I choose to help ?
I don’t want to be anything more than a listening ear. I want to understand the situation n reduce any problems not aggravate it.
Listen to mom about everything n tell to calm down n not interfere if they fight as they will fight till they figure out a rhythm.
I would have to repeat her history n how am handling mine n tell her to stay out of it.
Will try to add some positivity into the family n make some happy memories by planning family outings once in a few months.
Show respect to the gals family.
Show we aren’t bad guys, dono how to do that though.
I wonder why you shouldn't try and become chummy with the mother of your soon-to-be-SiL. If you contact her via mobile and tell her that you are determined to support her child in her married life, wouldn't that be sweet ? especially for a mummy's sentiments ?
Go on, be proactive, and attack on all (possible) fronts with love and peace.
That is the way to go, once you had decided not to be an isolationist in your brother's happy life.
Exactly. You have control over 50% of any relationship. The rest has to come from them.
It takes two to tango.
However, if you are true to yourself, and be reasonable in your relationship time will make the other attracted towards you. Because anyone would want to be with a no-nonsense, positive person in life.