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How to be a good Husband to your Wife

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by g3sudha, Jan 9, 2012.

  1. g3sudha

    g3sudha IL Hall of Fame

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    In India many women keep fasts to get a good husband. Even parents of the girl won’t have a peaceful sleep till they feel that their daughter is in the hands of a good man.


    Here are Eleven Qualities of a Good husband.

    Be Pleasant: Nobody likes an arrogant man. Be pleasant to everyone around you including your wife, friends and family. Be warm, kind, positive, understanding and friendly. It is often heard said that ‘What we give is what we get back.’ Try to arrive home as cheery and lighthearted as you can even if you had a bad day at office or is physically exhausted after driving through the traffic jams. Just because your wife does not go out to work does not mean that her work is less strenuous. She might have been struggling with the children and the housework all day.

    2) Respect the Vows: Faithfulness or Loyalty is one of the prime qualities a wife wants in her man. Have a sense of honor and duty.Remember that when you got married you took the sacred vows. The honorable thing is to fulfill the duty to your wife that you took upon yourself the day you got married. It is the duty of a man to provide for his family. Never expect your wife to contribute to the smooth operation of the household. Even in this day and age of women in the workplace, most prefer to have that as an option rather than a necessary part of their lives. Motherhood and caring for a husband and home usually takes priority for her. Never assume that the money you earn is yours to do with as you like. You have a family to think about now and their needs must always come before your own.

    3) Reliable, Responsible and Supportive: Every Woman wants her partner to be reliable and be there for her when she needs her. Support your wife in all stages of life. Provide reassurance when she is feeling down. Do not belittle her or hurt her ego. If she is a working woman understand her work pressures and problems. Be proud of her on her accomplishments and do not forget to complement her. Be available for her when she needs a shoulder to cry or when she needs support from you. Let her know that you care for her. When you are not near her at least make a phone call to her even if you talk to her for only a minute or two. When you come back after work or on weekend do things with her or help her in whatever way possible. She would appreciate even if you are not much of help because you are tried to help her. Be a friend to her. When you don’t agree with her views respectfully let know that you don’t agree with reasons.

    4) Adaptability and Sensitivity : As years pass on you'll see that glowing woman you fell in love with years ago does not look the same or behave in the same manner. She may be tied up with the pressures at home like needs of children, financial obligations etc. Allow her time to relax by taking some work off her shoulders or take some time out so that you can spend some time together relaxing. Be sensitive to the needs of your wife and looks to meet them. Do not let your feelings toward life's changes affect feelings toward your wife. An Ideal Man needs to be sensitive to the requirements of the partner, treat her as an equal, understand when she needs to stay late at work or help with housework and contribute to the expenses.

    5)Show Respect: If you expect respect from others you need to treat others with respect too. Respect can be reflected in the way one talks and behaves. Always speak in a loving manner and refrain from speaking harshly. A good husband never chooses to belittle strike, humiliate or otherwise harm his wife in private or in public. It is better to watch what you say and to think your thoughts through before speaking as it is not possible to take back the words once they have been spoken. Treat her with respect in front of others and at home. Do not look at other ladies in front of her. Take in consideration her opinion when making important decisions of the family. If you are bringing your buddies home let her know in advance.

    6) Judgment and Emotional Baggage: Many of us have emotional baggage. But do not bring that emotional baggage into the marriage. Many men praise their previous wives, girlfriends or mother in front of their wives. Avoid judging every action or opinion your wife has and understand that she is different from you. Her experiences and likings may be different from you too. Comparing her or making her feel that she does not measure up only would ruin your marriage.

    7) Communication: Communication is the key to a good and solid marriage. Women also expect honesty in men. Honesty is what builds trust in your relationship with your woman. She may even forgive your mistakes but only if you are honest with her and promise not to do it again. Women like their men to be open to them at all times and not keep them in the dark about what is going on in their man’s life. Find time to sit and talk with your wife on a daily basis even if it is during the Dinner time. If you let things bottle up and feel that you cannot share with your wife then your marriage is in trouble. Be a good listener when she talks. Your wife too wants someone to listen to her and empathize with what's going on in her life. Listen avidly to your wife's complaints. Woman cannot resist a man who understands her moods, attitude, feelings, values, likes and dislikes. This would encourage her to open up with you and don’t keep secrets. Good Communication helps in building trust and strengthens your relationship. Make your woman laugh often. Women love men who are witty and have a sense of humor.Fights or problems may happen in between the two but do not let the world know about it rather solve it between yourselves. The fight you had last week over shopping or whatever is over and done with. So move on with it and stop rehashing old stuff and reminding her of her faults. Do not resort to name calling, hitting, spitting, breaking dishes or anything else when you lose your temper.

    8). Love and Affection: Show your love and affection to her as often as possible. Every woman is a sucker of affection. If you only give them that stuff to get to bed, your wife is going to notice and think it's insincere. A good husband will appreciate his wife and will notice her, even after twenty or fifty years of marriage. She needs you to notice when she gets that new haircut or dresses up in something sexy for you to come home to. If you fail to notice what she is doing for you too many times, she may just count it as fruitless and quit. Gift your Partner something fancy when she least expects it. Surprise her by planning a trip, preparing a nice dinner, giving a bunch of her favorite flowers or taking her out for shopping. Every Woman likes to be pampered. Women, one way or the other, are nothing but over grown babies who constantly need care. But every woman has their likings, give things what she likes instead of forcing your likes on her and show her that you care and would be always there for her. Never forget the special days in her life. Make an effort to initiate spontaneous affection with your wife. Build the companionship by doing things together whether it is a common interest or hobby. Give her a hug or surprise kiss and tell her how much you love her. Hold hands with her when you’re out together. These small gestures show your wife that you’ve thought of her and help you reinforce your commitment to your wife.

    9) Offer Protection: A woman need to feel safe and secured with her man. She needs to feel that when he is with her no one can harm her. You don't need to be a muscle man but at least when you are with her others should not be making a pass at her. She wants her man to behave like a man and treat her like a lady when she is with you.

    10) Give her Space: As a Husband you need to understand that your wife has a life other than you also. She has her Parents, friends and colleagues who too are part of her life. She also may have some hobbies or passions he is involved in. Don’t expect her undivided attention. Don’t stop her if he wants to go out and hang out with her friends sometimes or engage in a hobby or want to spend some time with her parents.

    11) Keep her happy in Bed: Sexual intimacy is one of the most essential things in any marriage. Good Sex helps tostrengthen your emotional and physical attraction to her. Please your wife in bed and be faithful to her. No woman would tolerate a cheating partner. Good sex plays a vital part when it comes to a satisfying relationship and if you are not skilled in bed that is going to be a major turn off. Never grumble about having to support children you didn't want to have. If you were irresponsible enough to help her get pregnant, then it is your duty to pay for that child.Do not bring **** into a relationship. **** will only create unrealistic expectations in your mind about your spouse’s libido, body, and comfort level with weird sex positions.

    In short, if you don't like how you partner treats you, take a minute to notice how you treat your partner and correct your behavior. If you are an ideal husband, that will help your wife to be an ideal wife. A wife usually responds to the way that she is treated. If she is treated like she is worthless, she will be worthless to you. But, if you treat her well, she will be a jewel in your crown, a pleasure to you and a forever blessing.

    Have I left out anything? Feel free to add them through Comments.
     
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  2. artvani

    artvani Platinum IL'ite

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    I think every husband should read this.I completely agree with what Sudha says.
     
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  3. haagesummane

    haagesummane Gold IL'ite

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    very informative article to all husbands and future husbands...
    thank u for sharing it...
     
  4. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Women have a choice and men don't ? Atleast I for one am not ready to go back to the stereotyped roles in a family. Fight for equality goes all the way.
     
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  5. SSC

    SSC Platinum IL'ite

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    LOL @above!!

    OTOH, I dont see a reason for 2 threads:

    How to be a good wife - speaks about looking good, the house being clean and all that
    How to be a good husband - talks about different things

    At the end of the day, it boils down to only one thing - how to be a good spouse and partner! Dynamics vary between different couples.

    A wife may not be the ideal wife if the living room is dirty (according to your post)! But she might be helping her H win their daily bread! So such categorization based on gender doesnt make any sense in this day and age..

    Where did the OP talk about equality :p
     
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  6. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    She didn't ...There are 12 ways to be a good wife but a mere 11 to be good husband?
    Where is my equality?:rant
     
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  7. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    hahahaha...

    JAG

    I do agree that women also should be made responsible for running the household smoothly....if someone is not ready to share the expenses (inspite of they working) then they better not question how the house is running or where the husband sends money or what he thinks to buy/not buy...she cannot just earn n keep it to herself without any responsibility towards her family i.e husband n kids...(but aagain she should be given that freedom to spend part of her earnings as per how she wants n what she wants and she should be given that freedom to take care of her parents...)

    most of the disconnect is when a wife is asked to share expenses to run household..but she is not allowed to take care of her own parents..(the parents are looked down by the husband and his side parents/relatives stating they are eating their daughters money...)
     
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  8. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Completely agree Sri..no question about that....
    OPs post seemed to imply that women have the 'choice' to stay home while men have an obligation to bring home the proverbial bacon no matter what...which is what I have an objection to. Women cannot have it both way...fighting for equality while taking away basic choices from men.
     
  9. malarun

    malarun Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Sudha,

    Nicely summarised, but then I feel we need not differentiate between, men and women in two threads, I guess they should be summarised as one in this era where both are working.

    Having said this, I am not going to show the other thread for wife to my huband... OMG cannot imagine the consequence of my husband reading it.. ha ha ha... he will pour out so many with you didnt do this you dint do that see she has said it etc etc...

    In short I summarize a married life a "LIVE AND LET LIVE" this i smy mantra and now my husband has also got...

    Sri and JAG ,

    I agree 200% with you both.

    Regards,
    Malar
     
  10. g3sudha

    g3sudha IL Hall of Fame

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    We can take printout and paste it on wardrobe.
     

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