How To Avoid Inquisitive Indian Aquitance/neighbors

First a little digression: Veda has been a name I've liked since forever. Just by itself or with a suffix.

From what you are describing, it seems to be an apartment or townhouse community with many Indian families living there, many with young children, and SAHM's. And perhaps, living in the U.S for a few years only. I can imagine the possible setting in the parking lot, and in and around the walk-ways, plus any nearby park. There is an air of informality and openly staring is not considered rude. It is like the India some of us knew growing up -- front doors were never locked! Parents didn't know which house their kids were playing in, and had no telephone to call and check.

This drop by anytime, and stay on despite hints that you are busy, and being inconsiderate as to use your house to make baby sleepy, utilize your kid's company to tire out own kid, leave without picking up toys, ask questions freely without hesitation... can be irritating. I am saying all this so you understand that I understand how you are feeling. You are not an anti-social person. You are not a bad neighbor. You are not one who becomes anti-Indian after moving to the U.S. You just want some peace and the ability to go about your day without having to fend off so many interruptions. In short, you are a good girl. OK? : )

So, how to deal with these two women? You have to proceed a little carefully. One, you have to live there and don't want to be labelled anti-social. You don't want your kid(s) to end up with no friends due to your being firm with the parents. The main question is whether more people have similar issues with these two women. And whether the other neighbors are smart enough to not take seriously any gossip about you from these two busybodies.

"X seems saw that, after I came back, she immediately dropped within 5 min. Q1) Asked where you went? "
Even if X and Y were lovely and pleasant ladies whose company you look forward to, this dropping by without asking and staying on, needs to stop. This needs to be followed for the long term health of any relationship. Dropping by without asking is fine and even a pleasant surprise, but you should have a say in the staying on. That is how it works with my friends. We drop by without notice, but we don't stay on unless it is obviously a good time for both. And, neither party should feel offended if told it is not a good time. A healthy mix of Indian informality and western frankness.

Coming back to X showing up at your door. Time to start a few practices. If anyone shows up unannounced and it is not a good time for you, stay by the door, holding it with one hand, and say it is not a good time. Even as she walks in, stay by the door, and repeat that it is not a good time. Do not give a reason. Repeat not a good time. Once she gets the hint, soften your reaction. Suggest a vague 'we can meet after snack time, maybe.' If she doesn't get the hint, be a little more explicit, 'Can we meet up another time?'

The idea is to become the person to whose house people don't drop by just like that. Don't worry that then you will be ostracized. Chances are there are other women who think like you.

The thing with expressing thoughts or feelings like you have is that you get labelled as not friendly, as stuck up, and so on. So, other than to husband or mom, try not to vent too much to people in real life. In particular, to people in your community.

Play date politics. Been there, done that. Shudder! Once again, I get what you are saying. It is very annoying if someone comes and sits in your house from 1-3 pm. They say you 'carry on', but really, you cannot carry on with someone sitting at the dining table, or on the sofa. This also needs to be stopped. Have a quiet time or nap time for your kid that is ostensibly set in stone. A few minutes before that time, wrap up things. Put away toys. And hint that she should leave. Your kid might protest. Tell him/her that it is nap time, and both of you are going to lie down quietly; offer a story or book-reading whatever he/she likes.

Have some polite reasons ready: trying to get him on a schedule. Husband says child should have more structured day.

This has been answered many times in threads. Many funny and efficient responses suggested too. "Why would you ask that?" is one. Deliver it after a pause of few seconds and a look of incredulity on your face.

Don't label them. Nothing psychological issue. Just overly friendly, overly informal women with time on hands. And, why would you ask them questions if you are trying to discourage the same from them?

You simply have to learn to say no, and to set some boundaries, and enforce visiting hours. It needs a little balancing. You don't want to become alienated from all. I would suggest you identify 2 or 3 women with whom you would like a deeper friendship. Pursue that. 1-1. No group. With the others, maintain some distance.