How to adjust with husband's preference of keeping BIL in same house

Re: cld u anyone gv me a counselling

Hi Aishu,

From what you have written, i understand that you have been married for 1 year and living abroad. And your BIL is staying with you and you don't like it inspite of him not being a problematic person.

I can very well understand that you want to be alone with your husband...but if you are getting all the privacy and BIL is not intruding then may i know why you want him to live separately???

If it were to be your sibling in his place would you do the same???

Why don't you be a little open minded / hearted and live jointly. I tell you from personal experience that there is more pros to having someone with you than living alone.

:idea Meri mano...rakhi is round the corner instead of fighting with your husband...on the day of raksha bandhan tie rakhi to your BIL, and take this relationship forward to greater heights. You will be a gem of a person in the eyes of everyone and more so you will be at peace with yourself.

I am saying this from personal experience. Initially we were in a joint family. When we moved to Pune because of work...i was little depressed to be alone here...but luckily for me my BIL (my husband's cousin brother) also moved with us and till date i have someone or the other with us. Its never just the two of us...and i feel that its a blessing in disguise for me.

Last week i was really down health wise and my husband was in an important meeting which he couldn't leave immediately...but luckily my niece was at home and i could tide over that medical emergency because of her till my husband came home and took over. Same thing had happened earlier when my BIL was with us i had a medical emergency and my husband was out for a week...it was my BIL who handled everything.

Think it over...

Take care.

 

Re: cld u anyone gv me a counselling

Aishu ,

As far as your BIL doesnt invade your private space.. you need to relax. But it is weird that your husband used silly words like death and accidents for small fights :evil:! Had it been so simple.. life would have been different for all !! You have your space anyways and maybe you can tell your brother in law that you would wish to go out with your husband alone sometimes. But this only if he is not a trouble maker.bonk Instead of throwing tantrums ask your husband to shut up and listen to you patiently and you just want to spend some cozy times with him ! What is wrong ?? You cannot possibly choose a date now for that is'nt ?? Or you start going out with your BIL and spend more time with him !! :mrgreen: ( I always deal life with a lott of humor coz then you can get away saying all you want to .. NEAT !! ) It is just like using a sharp object to remove a thorn !! You dont need counselling .. You just need to calm down and think sensible . :whistleDont spoil your relationship due to some ' ONLY In-Law Relationships ' !!

 

Re: cld u anyone gv me a counselling

Calm down dear and things will be okay.

can understand being away from home can make one cranky. but we are adults now and can't take immature decisions it will hamper future happiness.

One thing i have learnt from life always put yourself in the other person's shoe only then will you be able to get to the reality. As i mentioned that if it were to be your sibling instead of your BIL and your husband was to behave in the same way aas you did then what.

Take care and enjoy. Life is too short to spend time over trivial issues so make the best of it and give it the best too.

 

Re: cld u anyone gv me a counselling

Alrite , Asihu !! You could throw a party to all we wonderful people here !! :mrgreen: Feels good that you are at ease now .. Dont get worked up uncessarily and move on with this short life we have !! Quick !! We are running out of time !! Take care !!! :kiss

 

Re: cld u anyone gv me a counselling

All sweet souls have given great advice..

I completely understand how you want to lead a nuclear family now and have all romantic dinners, love ... its all understandable.. Be blessed that you are alone here with your hubby and your BIL, who does not do anything to spoil your life and respects you. Many women out there feels suffocated to get married to a huge family and lead their life with no privacy whatsoever.

One of my college friend is only daughter and she had everything she asked for.. She dreamt of a fairytale marriage life.. Where she would be the queen waiting for her king to come home and have romantic dinners and do what not. Reality check: She got married to a family (MIL, FIL, FIL's parents, 2 younger brothers, 1 elder sister who stays nearby and with 2 kids, spend most of the day in her moms place) There is no talk about nuclear family, he made sure of that even before marriage ( you know how girls would say yes to everything before marriage LOL LOL)

Just imagine how her "marriage life" would be with so many people in the house. She was scared so much, that she wont wear bangles, anklets and whatnot, that might make any small sound.. Poor girl... The thing is, she was ready and is enjoying her life now with all the adjustments/compromises.. you know why.. she loves her husband so much and he is such a gem of a guy.

So validate the situation.. Think about your priorities in life.. you will see the big picture..

Enjoy your life , no matter where you are !!!

 

dear Aishu

u can have private moments with your hubby without asking bil move out of the house. u feel frustated that bil accompanies both of you everywhere which is understandable. as a couple you two need some moments alone. you just need to put few boundaries. talk to your hubby once again regarding this. explain your feelings that you dont have problem with bil as such but at the same time you crave for some privacy. offer the solution too... bil can continue in the house but hubby should make sure that you get to go out with him regularly in the city or to some outing, only the two of you minus bil. i don't think its a big deal for hubby to achieve. besides you all three can go out together sometimes too. bil is not a kid , he can have company in his friends when you two are out alone.

Regards.

 

Re: Good Morning Everybody

No worries Aishu Chillout!
Create a happy married life for urself and do keep us posted here

Regards.