How Some People Are Not Planning Anything Abt Old Age Parents

Hello All,

After my father passed away few yrs back, kind of think more abt old age and how long parents can handle on their own?. when my grand father died, i was not sure why but used to feel scared thinking abt my dad health as he was hitting 70. i thought abt moving INdia or call my parents to USA so that can take care of him in old age. I wished my dad to live longggg and the thought of his old age only made me sad. I wanted to take him places in USA etc , celebrate more bdays of my kids with him and used to feel sad if he will be able to travel. I still remember every word spoke with my dad and one of them being plan to visit a place which he loved.
God probably didnt tolerate my love on parents, he took away my dad suddenly ruining all my dreams and plans. and my mom is also sick now cant travel to US.

when i see my husband and SIL who have no thinking abt visiting parents once in a year.They dont have any plans made abt parents old age taking care. and my FIL and MIL are doing fine now. I dont want to say but end up saying nothing happens to them.

I have asked my husband n number of times how he is going to handle when his parents get sick and old. I said lets move India and can take care of his parents and also can visit mom freqnently. He didnt agree and believes his parents will be able to live with no issue until they are 80-85yr old and only after that they might need help. I explained him thats impossible for parents to handle by themseleves coz by the time they hit 68 or so they start getting very fragile, week and will not be able to do house hold things completely.
I have seen it with my grand parents and my dad.

I am sure my inlaws are not the type to bear if they get any sickness, they will drag my husband as he is only son. I saw them in India and my MIL is very sick and cries badly saying " i may die anytime etc " kind of things. My dad used to talk same negative statements before 2 yrs he passed away.
My dad was more active and healthy than my FIL. my FIL has high diabetes, high BP and arthritis. My dad only had arthritis but at 67 68 saw my dad getting that old age effect. even small things bothered him, small diarhea used to make him very sick for days and he was not able to go out much.

SIL says "Be practical, think practical coz i know all our parents around same age and anything might happen at anytime but we cant do anything". I was shocked that my MIL and FIL chant her name day and night where as she has no concern on them.
Its been 4+ years she didnt visit them in India or didnt invite inlaws to her house for big party in her house. she visited them for few weeks when they came our house for visit. I didnt talk to her details nor interested in explaining her.
However i did explain my husband a lot that his parents will not be able to handle after few yrs. so instead of jumping at that point, we should plan something in advance. But all my efforts gone waste.
He was finally saying" what you expect my parents to get sick and die soon".
I see all the dialogues he told me, exactly similar were told by my FIL and SIL. I should say my MIL has been the best person in my tough times, she understands and supports my ideas.

FIL was saying "Think more abt kids, parents are old you cant stop anything happening to them". -Is he gonna say same when he gonna get bed ridden?

SIL was suggesting me that i being girl shouldnt be worried?. - She behaves being independent and broad minded when it comes to her job and second marriage , but thinks that taking care of parents is only a girls responsibility? Hypocricy.

I cant help but end up asking god, why he got this situation to me and not for my husband. why my parents has to go thru health issues first. No matter how much i explained husband is not understanding how the old age caring of parents is going to be and making my life tough with frequent travels to India.
Do you have any suggestions?. what do you think, based on what i told abt my husband , how he is going to handle my inlaws in their old age?.
Is it possible that they can handle in india with maids without coming to USA?

 

Want to correct my question. I cannot expect you all to guess what my husband is going to do.
But what i meant is, do you know anyone or NRI whose parents in India able to handle by themselves ( 2 of them) after 70+ also.

 

Hello Umanga,
Nope you got me wrong. I am not concerned abt my inlaws and not thinking abt them however, i do understand and agree that we have to help them in old age which is actually now. There is no point in running when they get bed ridden, instead suggested to my husband that moving now kids can spend time when they are active and walking.
Since my mom got sick it will also help her and me to meet often .
In order to convince my husband to move, i was explaining him that even his parents will need our help. so wanted him to think now abt how to handle.
There is no way i can tolerate my inlaws in USA as there will not be any maid help. They both behave like toddlers in sense everything need to be served on table.

My husband understands i cant tolerate them in USA and he is not willing India move. Its strange to me a person like him who loves and cares for his parents like hell is not thinking abt ways to handle their old age.
Or he is in strong belief that they will be healthy strong independent for upto 10-15 yrs. My FIL is 67 and MIL 65 now.

 

You are right Rihana.