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how should I behave??????

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sunpriya, Jan 20, 2011.

  1. Jan 20, 2011 #1
    sunpriya

    sunpriya New IL'ite

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    Hi friends,
    I am really in confusion about how to behave in such situation.pls help.
    I completed three years of my married life.Luckily I was married to the person I loved.
    for about 2 years I didn't find any differnce in my life even I was married.But these days
    I am feeling marriage life is different.
    now my problem is,my hubby is in australia.i am waiting for my kids visa to travel(she is 8 months old).
    Actually me and my hubby dreamt of settling in AUS. and now the time has come.But these days I am feeling
    I am being neglected.when ever he calls me he just order few things to do, he is not ready to listen to me on anything
    actually he is trusting others morr than me these days in all situation.
    I know I have taken some wrong decisions in past.may be because of those he thinks what ever I tell/suggest is just waste.
    I am too emotional and get upset for everything(even a single point) very easily.
    so now I have decided not to speak to him much,don't suggest any thing etc etc........
    but with this all my dreams I had before marriage(dreamt together)will be supressed.
    pls suggest how should I behave in such situations.....
    every time if some thing happens i feel I am good for nothing,I don't deserve to live in this world...
    and i am not enough strong/dominating to servive in this world...


    one more thing is I knew i can't get along with people properly, as I always wanted to live alone.somehow I was attracted by him and finally he proposed me and he said he has no problem with it.He is ready to tolerate anything for me.he convinced me to marry him.but now......
     
    sunpriya, Jan 20, 2011
    sunpriya, Jan 20, 2011
    #1
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  2. Jan 20, 2011 #2
    Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Sunpriya, I got a few questions for you before I would be able to suggest you.

    Does your husband not consider ANYTHING you say or only a few things? Like, when it comes to immigration, official things etc, its always better to take professional advice than depend on your advice isnt it? Is that where the problem is?

    more than likely, this long distance relationship is taking a toll on your life. I don't think your husband is intentionally ignoring you. The reason I am saying is, for 2 years he was great and he cannot change suddenly right?
     
    Rakhii, Jan 20, 2011
    Rakhii, Jan 20, 2011
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  3. Jan 20, 2011 #3
    asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Sunpriya,

    It is hard to sort problems out over the phone, so many miles apart. I know right now you are feeling a gap in communication between you and your hubby, but there is not much you can do about it right now. Wait until you both are living together in Australia, then you will be able to sort it out. It is hard to express a lot of emotion over the phone. I think you will see that when living arrangments go back to normal, so will your relationship with your hubby.

    Just because you want to live in a nuclear family or by yourself, doesn't mean you "cant get along with people". It just means you value your personal space a lot and are comfortable with yourself. It's just a preference. Just like some people like to be constantly surrounded, others like a little more breathing room. Don't be so hard on yourself!
     
    asuitablegirl, Jan 20, 2011
    asuitablegirl, Jan 20, 2011
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  4. Jan 20, 2011 #4
    Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    OP, how are you going to have a happy life if you yourself know the problem which are highlighed below?. If a person is a "sole personality" or loner, even if one is dominating or not, cannot live with others....

    Also being emotional does not mean one throws tantrums and stop talking and all that . So if you are not doing all that after you are upset then there is no issues. But if your upsetting is bring other negative qualities in you, then it is a issue.

    Sometimes we dont realise, it is our own persnality that keeps creating newer problem, people who worry too much or who are always conflict driven or who are too emotional or who are too practical or who are aggresive and dominating etc, who are submissive, all these personality traits create problems one way or other and one is living in world surrounded with humans all over. And managing relationship is not a one time task...


     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2011
    Tridev, Jan 20, 2011
    Tridev, Jan 20, 2011
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  5. Jan 21, 2011 #5
    SuccessMinded

    SuccessMinded Gold IL'ite

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    Yeah, like others said.. not easy to manage long-term relationship. When you don't see your spouse on a daily basis, no amount of chat or phone can replace face to face communication and touch.

    I would request you to just hang in there. Give it some time, till you get there and things would be like your dream life you always imagined. Give it time and patience and ofcourse some love.
     
    SuccessMinded, Jan 21, 2011
    SuccessMinded, Jan 21, 2011
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  6. Jan 21, 2011 #6
    malarun

    malarun Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I was facing the same issue and went through all that you have mentioned above when I was in India and he was here in US, like he not listening to me and not talking properly, used to think love has decreased between us etc etc...
    But after I came to US I realised i was really silly in thinking all that.

    Like the others say it is the distance which makes us think like that... Once you are in Aus you wil surely realise this.

    Just a advise which I got when I was thinking like this...
    1> He will have to concentrate on his work for your dream to come true ie settling in Aus so he might be focussed on that.
    2> You are not with him to express his tension at work or share his feelings so he has to manage alone, this takes a toll on him this is the reason for not talking properly...
    3> You are with a child now so he wants you to relax and give your full attention to ur child when he sorts out the things by himslef.
    4> There are few gents who are not expressive over the phone and do not like talking a lot on phone so they will be crisp like telling u what to do and what not(because my hibby is like that).

    So be cheerful and look ahead for your travel and stay with your hubby....
     
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2011
    malarun, Jan 21, 2011
    malarun, Jan 21, 2011
    #6

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