How often do you talk to your Inlaws vs parents

Re: How often do you talk to your inlaws

I can understand your situation lostlove. And to add on i will say you are not the only one facing this.
This is something each one of us faces here and there.

Initially it was an issue for me as well, but i got a fix for mine. I try not to call my parents when we two are spending time together. I call them when coming bk from work.. on walk, have free time in office. So, its not so visible to him that i m always talking to my parents plus we have our time with no one else intruding our privacy.

I make it a point to call my in laws in weekends+on festivals to ask for their blessings and sometimes to take advise on general issues just to please my DH. As a rule, i try to take an initiaive to call his parents and his bro and sis families. I hope this keeps his male mind at peace that I am doing my bit.

Generally I dont like to force him to call my parents.. its completely okay for me if he is not in mood to talk to them on a specific time daily or weekly... but to my amaze when i started to take initiatives for his family he also has started to respond me back with same warm calls to my parents(may be not so regular but not too bad either).

So that solved my problem . Hope this could be of help to you too.

 

Re: How often do you talk to your inlaws

Hi Lostlove. Try and capture the love you think is lost between the two of you.
Everyone's given you valuable points to think about. But yes, its been like this all these years and how much ever time moves on, some people can't accept the changes.

I too had the same problem. I was not financially independent..not even now. We used to call his parents more often cos he was earning. I'd talk to my parents when ever I could steal the time and minutes from the calling cards. At one time it seemed to pathetic and petty even to me. I made it a point to call both of them equally and now I end up calling my parents more than his. He asked about it and I said that is what comes naturally. I can't seem to find stuff to talk about with his parents as much as I can with mine. Simply because my parents KNOW talking about what would relax me and make me feel close to home though I've been away for quite a long time.

So set the other things right and maybe with it, he too will come to understand your need to talk to your parents as much as he does with his. Where you talk more or less should not matter. What ever keeps you happy is. And striking a balance between the two isn't possible. cos both of you need your parents.

 

Re: How often do you talk to your inlaws

Hi dear,

First stay cool, don't worry and break your head for this. This is nothing if u hear so many problems how ladies are facing in daily life. According to me keep this aside. When you are doing justice to both your parents and as well as to your in-laws you need not worry. Its a problem, if your in-laws complaint's until that no problem. As you said both sons and daughters are the same in all the ways. As how boy's parents are taking care of there son like the same way girl's parents also do the same.

Only one thing is sure, if you give so much importance for what he says, he will not stop saying. So better neglect it. If again he complaints you just say "ok". They want the immediate reaction later on he will not object, you see.

 

Re: How often do you talk to your inlaws

OP,Your points are all valid. When we are young, our parents bring us up without any discrimination but once married we feel there is lot of difference b/w man and woman. And the diff increases when we become mothers. To top it off, our husbands expect us to do all the adjustment and gel with the family seamlessly which sometimes can be difficult esp with problematic inlaws. If all is well, it shows him in good light to his parents.

In your case, if you are blessed with good inlaws be happy that you are in good family. If your husband's attitude is irking you then why dont you call your parents when he is not around. Also, you have to be stop being so sensitive to each of his remarks. Focus more on what you need to do for your parents and less on what he says. It may seem painful since he does not understand your sacrifices. Remember you guys dont have to agree on everything in this world. Just think this is one of them.

 

Hi Lostlove,

I completely understand your plight...these things are common in marriage trust me...also do not ever let your parents suffer for the sake of others...Parents should never be compromised for at any cost....moreover you treat his parents with the same amount of love and respect so you are no where wrong ok...please do not get this thing in your head tht your in anyways wrong atleast in this matter....

Parents need their children's support always, not financially but emotionally as well ok...so please throw off the guilt and talk to your H one to one that what is that he is upset about and why is he sayin such nasty things to you inspite of you being so cordial and nice to them(his parents)....I should the only solution would be talkin it over with your H staright cause he needs to understand that if his parents are important even yours are...

Hope this helps....keep us posted....Good luck...stay positive and trust in the Almighty...!!!

 

Most DH's want the W to cut off all ties with her family after marriage, maybe they dont want her to have allies!
Carry on talking to your aged parents, ignore DH . You are a DD to your parents like he is a son to his.
But this simple fact is hard to digest to some DH's.
You are talking nicely to your PILs , thats enough isnt it? Dont force him to chat with your parents if he does'nt want to. Be a good daughter like he is being a good son!
Is there something else , is he using this as an excuse to create fights and provoking you??

 

Re: How often do you talk to your inlaws

Hi lostlove,

As all others have said, this is something that needs handling with care. As a couple, my husband and I spend a lot of time on the phone with the parents. Initially it was calling his parents daily, and mine twice a week. I slowly increased the calls to my parents and touchwood, there has been no issues... apart from the in-laws saying that I call my parents a lot.. (this was when they were here). Slowly, I started reducing the calls to my parents when we were together. we would do an extended sort of call during the weekends, otherwise I avoid calling them when my husband and I are together, esp when going out etc. I started doing that as I felt we were spending more time on the phone with them than with each other. I sort of expected my husband to do the same, but he has not.. though he tries, bless him.

Coming to ur issue, you could try doing the same. Talk to his parents in front of him, and try to call them when you are on your own and make it a point to tell him... this will help. Avoid discussing what you talked with your parents. Sometimes it does feel underhanded, but can get u peace of mind. Do not argue with him. And please dont think that you are being a bad daughter or a bad DIL...

Mythili

 

You have a lot of patience dear.
My husband is very similar to your in behavior. I realized that he doesnot like me to get a good name in front of his parents, i live in USA so thankfully i dont get a chance to talk to his parents, even when they are here i barely talk to them in front of my husband , its enough to make your marriage work if your husband is not an egoistic. Stay happy with your husband , talk to your parents(he would talk to his parents;so they are happy too). End of they day everyone is happy
good luck

 

Re: How often do you talk to your inlaws

Wow..what a reply...I agreed..
I use to call my mom daily..after my marriage i use to call inlawz 3times in a week( they want to know what i cook.where i am spending my salary..any promotion in my job..everything)but this year they said some nasty things to my parents and i had a big fight with ILS so now I am only wishing them happy holi....diwali..
My elder SIL never call them Itz about 12+yrs of her marriage..

 

I talk to my in-laws for about an hour each day, and my mom for an hour every other day. My mom is here in US so don't feel the need to talk everyday.