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How Much Teaching Is Needed For Young Kids?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by SGBV, Aug 4, 2017.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    My kids will be 7 and 4 very shortly, and both of them are in elementary schools.
    As though there is a government rule that kids under the age of 8 shouldn't be ranked or their marks shouldn't be discussed openly after their term examinations in School. But practically these class teachers reveal the marks of the kids, and explicitily tell the parents about their ranks too. That too in the parents' meeting!!!
    Just that, they don't mention anything other than "A" or "B" in their report card.

    My son is accedamically doing good. He takes over 90 in all the subjects. But not 100%.
    There are at least 5-6 kids who score nearly 100% in each or more than 1 subject each time. This makes my son to become 7-8 in the ranking.

    I am perfectly fine with this though. I used to teach him almost daily from 6-7, using sample papers, text books etc, which includes his regular home-work times as well.
    He goes to tuition from 3-5 in the eve, and does papers and revisions of what he used to study in School.
    During exams, I make them forcefully sit and study for more than 2 hrs daily and during weekends.
    He gets very bored to study for long hrs, and easily gets diverted.
    His little sister is another disturbance, as she needs his company to play; thus interrupts him while he is studying.

    For me, this itself a little too much. I feel bad for him at times. He is a very lively, and active kid who loves to play outside of the home almost all the time.
    Besides, I get very stressed with this routine, as I have a full time job outside of the house from 9-5.
    This is in addition to the household chores I perform daily such as cooking 3 times (mostly), cleaning the house (sweeping, dusting and sometimes moping) and looking after the kids like taking them to tuition (after my office times), dressing them, bathing them, feeding them dinner & breakfast and finally putting them to sleep (that includes reading for them etc).
    Even though we have maid, I do these things as I am required to do them.
    Kids often need me spontaneously and becoming a referee often when they fight is yet another task.
    So I can do only so much here.

    My friend's and relative's kids are around the same age as my kids, and study in the same School too.
    Many such kids scores great marks, and show great interest in their studies.
    In fact, my buddies (ladies) are very much behind their kids, like taking them to tuition, following up with their studies, teach them at home for longer hrs, work with them while they do home-works etc... Looks like they spend almost all their times with these kids!!!

    Looking at the way their kids were trained and prepared for the exams, I feel my son is doing really better than them. Because his marks are just 1-2 lesser than them, but he won't spend that many hrs for studies, or that many coaching from elders either.

    But my mom often blames me, criticizes me and compares me to those my buddies to put me down, as if I am a bad mom who cares less about kids, but more about career, money, husband etc..

    Her reasoning is that I often think about my job, work, appreciations, performance etc, but my friends have chosen an easy job like teachers , clerks even though the pay is very less, but they get to spend quality and flexible times with their kids.

    Secondly, I do so much for my H. He doesn't like the way our maids cook. He is diabetic, and I consider a lot about what he eats. So, I personally cook for him (thus for all at home), and cook home made food for 3 times, so that he shouldn't have to eat from outside.
    I ensure that his needs are met at home, like tea or coffee as much as he wants. This way, I often gets up and go to kitchen from kid's study room ; thus they get disrupted.

    I know some poor kids, whose parents work full time (in the field or small jobs), but their kids get excellent marks despite of studying in normal Govt schools. How?
    And such kids become the toppers too? How?

    I always want my kids to be independent with minimal support, and I want them to love their studies, and make it interesting.
    I can always be in the back side to encourage them, but just like those buddies of mine, I can't spend all my times beside my kids to educate them like cat or monkey parenting.

    Besides, my career isn't just my passion, but it helps our family to stand steady and live independently; so my kids are benefiting a lot from this.
    If I dont work or opt for a normal job, my family would suffer a huge financial loss; thus we will have to be on adjusting mode all the time.

    Like my mom's wish, my H won't take up any huge or double shift work to compensate my salary at all. He will remain the same, and this is what he can do. Period.

    I can ignore my mom's work as usual, and do my best.
    But I am confused since she blames me, and it is about my kid's future.

    I need some validation here. I am open to any criticism as well.
     
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  2. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP, I have been reading your posts & your responses. Also from this post & everything else, I can only say that you are a great mom, wife & also a pillar of the family.. don't let your mom's criticism get to you.

    Your kids are doing pretty good. Also they are very young, so pushing them to study beyond their interest levels will actually repel them from it, so you are doing the right thing.

    And one thing, I can tell you from seeing life is I have seen kids who are not toppers in school shine & go on to top universities & succeed beyond imagination in later life. And some school toppers do average later in higher education & life. Why? Because the so called school toppers are sometimes rote learners & students who memorize everything as against maybe the non-toppers who are sometimes much smarter but maybe just not be working hard enough/may have other extra curricular interests like sports/ maybe ones who believe in understanding stuff as against rote learning!!! So maybe your kids are that category.. as long as they are doing above average in academics, participate in extra curriculars& overall enjoying their life as kids too, you shd take it easy..

    So worry not, you are amazing !:grinning:
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2017
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  3. twity

    twity Bronze IL'ite

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    @SGBV

    I can understand what you are going through.

    I am a working mom, I leave home by 8 and reach back by 7 pm. I have a daughter going to be 6 years in another 2 month.
    I don't think perfect 100 or 1st rank will make much difference the basics has to be strong. My daughter does not go to tuition and her study time is very limited 7.30 to 8.30 max.
    If we force them to sit for longer hours there are chances the kids will start to hate studies it will become mechanical task.
    Learning has to be fun and if they enjoy they will learn naturally.
    I do run behind my daughter if there is any exam or competition,but the study time will not be more than 1 and half hours. she will get bored after that and show faces and dislike. She has won price in almost all competition that she has participated. She will blame me at the end of the day saying my mom was behind all her win and i pushed her to do it, you can have it as a compliment or complaint from her.
    Take it easy on your kids. Scoring 90+ is very good. Dont compare yourself with your buddies and just dont take your mom's criticism to your mind.

    Every one is different and each once priorities are different.
     
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  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for your words. I feel refreshed now!!!

    I feel exactly the same as you. In fact, I was an average student when I was young. But today, I am rather very successful in my life and career compared to those class toppers in my school.
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for your understanding dear.

    I get what you said here. Everyone's priorities are different, and I feel there should be a decent boundary.
    For now, I feel like investing and saving for my kids' future is my priority, while teaching them to be independent like me. I do so, as a role model to them, and they somewhat get me too.
    For me, their 100% or first rank at this young age is not that important. But as you said, when they participate in competitions like elocution etc... I would definitely take leaves, and run behind them to make them the winner. I know that I should do this, as it is a competition worth your sacrifices. They often get gold medals and prizes, which boosts their confidence.
    But for School term tests, I do not think it is that necessary to let go your career and life style, that too at this very young age.
    I would consider it if they are poor in studies, but they do above average and I am satisfied.
     
  6. SriGeetha

    SriGeetha Bronze IL'ite

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    hi SGBV ,

    You are great at what you are doing. But not great at delegating the work.

    This is my personal principle which gives me lots of peace of mind 'you cant please everyone and at first why should i bother about pleasing everyone.my life, i live it the way i want it ,...period'.
    Hope you get it and as to me you are also in a way like your mother trying to compare your children with others....Plz stop it and why tutions at these early age. Let them enjoy their life.

    I too go to parents meeting ..the only thing i ask them is my son attitude and his behaviour is 100% or not .Am least bother about if gets Zero in an subject. Remember 80% of what you learn now is useless after 20 years.

    I am too an working woman like you. i stopped being perfect at everything...say no cleaning done or clothes not folded till next washing time ..i pretty much leave it at.

    I just spend 10 mins everyday with his studies that it ..Many times have sent him on exam days without even his studying by self or never pushed him to study by me ...i will spend more on him getting things ready for next day like his school bag arranged with writing pad,pencil's sharped ,rubber scale ,shoes& socks, belt & IDs cards :).

    Like this i Did even for first his first Olympiad ..did not send him some coaching centre nor i coached him...just made him to learn how to shade the answer correctly for about 10 mins in morning before he went to school to write this Olympiad exam & told him not to worry about marks ,prize just go and do your best ...He really did his best.

    I dont beleive in studying but I believe in learning ..Hope we are sending our children to school to learn and not study ? Thanks for going to my long long reply.
     
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  7. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, due to my past teaching experience I say, 90 percent or its equalent is very very good for children. Getting 100 percent is good but children lose it by making small mistakes only. So no much difference between 99 marks or 100. So saying I would say you are doing a great job as a mom. Try to identify if ur children are interested in sports or singing, drawing etc so that they focus their energy in extra curricular too. That has lots of benefits for small children. It will develop their abilities too like they will get sportsman spirit (in sports), team work, team building .
     
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  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks dear

    My DD has loads of interest in singing.. She even sings movie songs with passion.
    So, I've enrolled her to a Karnatic music class. She will anyway going to learn western music once she starts proper schooling in 2 years time.
    Also, she is good at drawings, and got some certificates from her kindergarten competitive programs.

    My son is good at stage performance like announcing, and specifically reading, poem reciting and verse speaking.
    He is trained by a skilled teacher and he progresses so well. He doesn't have any stage phobia; thus performs really well.
    Recently, he has won a gold medal in verse speaking, which has considerably boosted his self-esteem!!!

    Plus they attend language classes, and Sunday School during weekends.
     
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  9. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    That's great. When I thought my students in my first I usually say" I am not bothered about marks but I am bothered about how well u understand the concepts(physics )plus I wanted them to do read aloud in the class with turns, little presentation (each student per day on what was taught the day before)" etc . I sincerely believed they should come out of stage fear. I am very happy for your children. I would love to see such children .
     
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  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    @SriGeetha

    Thanks for your response. But I can't fully agree with what you have suggested above.

    Are you really sure that a 10 mins coaching by a parent is enough for a kid who is yet to understand the worth of studies, and importance of taking good marks?
    My son is just 6+ and gonna be 7 only next year.
    If I don't force him to sit and study, he will not study at all.
    If I don't send him to tuitions, he will not open his books or re-visit whatever taught to him at school ever after.
    This way, he will forget whatever he has learnt in no time.
    No proper practice in paper work may confuse him when he is forced to write an exam at School.
    On the other hand, almost all his peers are going tuition classes, doing sample papers, and getting extra coaching by their parents regularly.
    If I limit my coaching for 10 mins, and with no tuition, I am sure he will suffer big time while doing these exams.

    Even if I take it easy, I am not sure how it can affect my little son - who understands why his peers are appraised, and gifted by others.

    If he is a teem in middle school, I would perfectly leave him to study on his own phase. But this tiny age needs loads of shaping from elders
     

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