how much dowry you gave??

Hello Archana why don't you just relax and read my whole post before you start your bhashan??
Did I specifically tell in my previous post that I was aware of them threatening my marriage. NO! I was not! So next time ask me that question before you start assuming things. Yes, I blame my parents partly for not telling me this.
I do agree that in dowry system its always both the parties to be blamed...but don't try and say things that you may or may not have come across.
Have you been in my parents shoes? like ever?
How can you judge them....I have told in my post specifically that we are from a traditional family. I don't know where you are from but lets not "act" like we have great values as society to begin with, 50 years ago everybody was practicing child marriage among many other horrendous things!
My parents had to think what others would think if this engagement did not lead to marriage. If the guy is bad or some other horrendous reason then its fine, I highly doubt my parents would care about going ahead at that point but if its something they could help ...wouldn't they!!

Anyway I'm done with people like you playing the "tough game". I came to this forum to get some support and may be help some traditional families like mine who might not think dowry will do much harm if both groom and bride like each other. In my case this hasn't helped and so I'm here to convey the same.
If there is one person/family considering this I will be happy that I stopped them!!

If you can...... help but don't hurt!

We are all humans lets try and act like that!

 

Guess Dowry still exists with some Arranged marriages. In some form or the other, be it money, jewels, property, wedding expense done only by girls side.

Mine is a love marriage. I am pretty sure my ILs wanted a lot of dowry- jewels, cash, car, household things. They never asked directly, but during the wedding arrangements, they would indirectly ask about how much jewels I have, properties, etc. But me and my DH were against all this. I strictly told my parents not to encourage them talking such things and my parents kept quiet. My DH bought them a car before marriage. Infact he gave a lot of bribes for them to agree to the wedding.

We insisted the wedding expense be shared by both. My DH agreed, but he wanted to pay half without his parents knowing. I felt that would be disrespecting my parents. Me n my parents didn't like it. Well, finally he made them agree to this, ofcourse by giving more bribes. But all those were my DH's money. Not a single penny his parents spent on the wedding.

Actually it was more burden on my DH as he has to spend n times the wedding expense, on his parents to make them happy.

 

Curious thread and inspite of many ladies asking the OP the logic for knowing the amount of dowry it was never clearly replied to. The explanation that it tells how deep the problem is totally bogus. Because for a ceratin family 2 lakhs will be stretching their limit for some 20 for yet ohers 200.Its never the amount and its the principle that matters. My $0.02 its an extremely Voyeuristic question. And Gopinath sir..not taking dowry does not make u a better spouse or human..its the bare minimum and I would be very Wary of someone flaunting their ideals.

 

But would you be able to clarify the reason for wanting the amounts to be made known? Since you are asking around for this information?

 

So how has that helped or changed your decision Gopinath? If right from the outset you are anti-dowry, then what is the very need of all this information? All these replies do not change the fact that people did give dowry, nor (i hope) will it change the fact that you intend not to take any dowry. Do you mean to say that if you found that people are against this system, you might have considered it okay to take dowry and now because so many have given dowry, you consider it evil and will not take dowry? I am totally confooosed.:confused2:

 

good for you gopinath. but your actions will be really praiseworthy, when you realize that you don't need to be specially patted on your back for doing what is expected of all right minded persons. right now what you are saying is something akin to saying "i don't steal. i don't murder. i don't beat my parents. so i am something great. i really need to be awarded".

just go ahead with your resolve to do what is right and stop talking about it. there is no need to announce to the world that you are going to do what is right.

 

i second this! good one satchi!:thumbsup