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How many of you think that your mother could be a better mother-in-law ...

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by bhavatarini, Dec 9, 2011.

  1. bhavatarini

    bhavatarini Silver IL'ite

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    How many of you think that your mother could be a better mother-in-law and try to bring positive changes in her role by letting her know through your own experiences ..
    .. I am posting this because my sil , husband's sisiter is always complaining many things about her mil while she is also aware that similar things happen in my house too ... when it happens in my house she is giving me advice as to how I can improve my relationship with my mil , i.e her mother..
    I have a very nice person as mil ... but she is dominating in many aspects and quite possessive of her son of which I dont complain. I am ok , so what ? many people of that age are so .. but when my sil is complaining about her mil for the same reasons I feel funny.
     
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  2. hemalathaK

    hemalathaK Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,

    If people really have the ability to realise the things that are happening to them is already happening to others too and that too because of them, then the world will be in totally peace now.

    Not all people are mature enough to connect things and realize their mistakes and correct themselves.I myself have so many times thought about this topic because what's happening in your house is happening in my house too.So it's better to think this way and relax.God's creations uh?
     
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  3. rosenav

    rosenav Silver IL'ite

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    Just my POV that as ppl age the ability to change there nature or personality is very less...coz they are used to certain way of living, so they dnt like to think they can we any wrong and they are always right.... I know it's a shame .

    I love my mother , she is not possessive of her son but she has passive aggressive by nature , I can't blame her much she had a bad marriage to my dad n was harassed by In laws and endured a lot in life... But as we grew up we realized that she was nt capable of change and our family used to work around those issues and understand her..but I dnt know how a DIL will be able to deal with them.
     
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  4. harinisripada

    harinisripada Gold IL'ite

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    Dear bhavatarini,

    Just like your SIL complains about her MIL to you, find someone from your own family of origin to complain about your MIL :)

    Dont tell your SIL about your MIL, always praise your MIL with her... she will see that you're adjusting and not complaining, so she might also stop :)

    When you see that she complains about specific incidents that also have happened to you, dont give advice, dont say "do this and that", just listen and say "yeah I can understand, this is how I dealt with it, now I am happy, if you want to do the same, you can"

    Harini
     
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  5. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    how did you forget that there are PREACHERS.....they just throw the knowlege at outside world...however they dont realise that they have to practise first before preaching!!

    on hte other hand..your SIL talking to you about her MIL...just pls do not encourage it going forward...my sincere suggestion. (doesnt matter how is your relationship with your MIL/SIL, just say you dont like to gossip about your SILs marriage/inlaws and step away...you would thank me later for this advice....)..
     
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  6. itsmebhama

    itsmebhama Bronze IL'ite

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    since we two sisters are only der no son :))) my mom can never b a MIL i am so happy about tht. i know my mom can never behave like a MIL but even then aftr marriage i had told my mom several times tht mom s lucky since she wont have to be a MIL.
    @ bhavatarini i think you and ur SIL r in good terms may b thts y u ppl discuss ur issues. i have a good relationship with my SIL2 and one day wen she was telling me about her struggle at her husbands house she mentioned tht i am lucky since i got a very good PILs. and she told she s not having a comfortable life as i am having now. i was shockd and at tht time i told her everything from A to Z about my comfortable and happy life after becoming her brothers wife and coming to her home. after listening to her problems i was pretty sure tht it was not even 5% of wat i had recieved from my inlaws tht s her parents.
    now after so many days i really feel tht i shudnt have told my problems to her. after al they are one family.
    so i nowadays don tel about mine. but she always starts telling her problems the minute she attends my cal n i just camly listen n don give advice n never tel my problems with her now. she s not a bad person i am sure but y taking the risk! ( already i took one and tht s euf) hehe.
    do u think tht ur mom s not good to ur sil?? if u think tht u directly talk to ur mom. n never tel about ur MIL. tht s dangerous and not helpful. y wasting ur time n energy. i am tleilng u this out f my experience. :)
    be happy..
     
  7. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    A DD always feels that her Mom is the best Mom and MIL ,its always the SIL/DIL who needs improvement !:rotfl
    Has anyone ever heard ofa DD saying that her Mom is a bad MIL and needs help to be a good MIL??
     
  8. bhavatarini

    bhavatarini Silver IL'ite

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    I thank indusladies community for making me a better person day by day , at least once a day I go through all the positive responses posted by many of you and I try to implement them in my life.. Though nothing is perfect in my marriage I have learnt to live gracefully ,thinking that I am not alone and I have many brave hearts here to listen and support. Many of you are an inspiration to make my life successful and work towards the same.. I am a working mother who lives with in-laws and sil/her kids who lives 90% of the year with us.

    Hemalathak - thanks for your response .. I learn from the mistakes of my sil (husband's sister) and try not to behave the same way with my other sil
    (younger brother's wife). ...I have already explained few easy to follow ways for my motherto make her dil's life easy. I dont want that girl to live next 40 yrs in some kind of jail. And my brother should never suffer between mother and wife.

    rosenav - I am sure you will be a good support to your sil and explain what your mother has been through , sure things will get good.

    harinisripada - dear Harini , thanks for your response. I always tell my sil that I am very happy with her mother. So in turn she says that I am very lucky but she is suffering day by day due to possessive n dominating mil. Well one example ..her mother in law says few words that are hurting to my sil ...I felt sorry for my sil when she shared the same with me ..one day when she was at our place same words came through her mother to me..she was listening and dint bother to react!
    SriVidya - I am good follower of your advices :) .. I do not discuss any personal matters with her , since it goes straight into my mil's ears probably with a different verson and my mil cross questing about the same to my husband who was never in picture.. so to avoid all these only general non family related conversation is safe with sil.

    itsmebhama - yes , sil will always say she is unhappy while I am happy with her mother and I am lucky to be a part of her family.. :O

    to summarise no one is bad person here .. its the way we take it. I have learnt from all these posts that at every opportunity in life a person has a choice to be happy or sad .. what we choose is what we are :)
     
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