How many of you stayed in DH's absence with inlaws post delivery?

harun · Sep 7, 2011

How many of you stayed with inlaws post delivery when your DH is not around?
How long you stayed and did they took care of you well or any issues arised.

harun · Sep 7, 2011

54 views & no reply...looks like nobody stayed post delivery with inlaws in DH's absence.

sheztheone · Sep 7, 2011

My parents and ILs stay in the same city where I delivered, and DH was not with me except for a few days. I was mostly at parents' place but used to visit ILs a few times (a few days each time) with baby. I did not have any major problems a such, but there were differences with respect to the degree of freedom I enjoyed and what I could request ILs to do etc.

For ex., I could take a shower late into the day at parents' place but MIL is strict about taking a shower immediately after you get up. Then, at mom's place there was a steady supply of snacks, drinks etc. Or should I put it this way-I could ask her anytime. At ILs', I could not ask for much though there were the usual meals and stuff. Then they expected me to wake up and clean poop etc. if the baby pooped when I was sleeping-though MIL did it a couple of times, it was more like it was my baby, so I had to do it (which is true, and I am not entitled to any of that treatment, but just stating what happened in my case)

On the whole, I think I was more comfortable at parents' place as I obviously have no inhibitions with parents. You are so tired and sleep-deprived most of the time, and it is easier to ask mom if you need anything. MIL tends to be judgmental at times, and she would sometimes comment on the way I was doing things for the baby.
Both were/are equally affectionate with the baby and helped me put him to sleep, pacify him when he was crying continuously etc.

harun · Sep 9, 2011

The reason behind asking this question is :I have cleraly stated my MIL many a times that i will be going to my mom's place for delivery.
Even then she calls me in the absence of my DH & asks me ,the convearsation goes like this
MIL :What happened to the visa processing?
Myself :It's difficult to get visa so have to travel India.
MIL:Are you coming to X(inlaws) place?
Myself :I will not be coming now,going to Y (mom's)place directly{I will be in my 8th month mid while tarvelling -even then she asks me this question -My IL's & mom's place 26 hrs journey by train & there is no dircet flight or train}.
MIL:will "A"-my 1st kid 2.7 yrs can stay with us & we will leave him after delivery at your place.
Myself :I am not sure
1)My MIL never feeds(helps) my kid.
2)She has never given bath to him nor taken care of his basic neccesities.
3)She never ever helps me on anything reagrding my kid,even when e is sick also.

I am not getting why my Mil spoke this way,what is her intention?

tashidelek2002 · Sep 9, 2011

Go deaf and ignore her and do what is best for you and your kid. Simple.

harun · Sep 9, 2011

tashidelek2002 said: ↑

Go deaf and ignore her and do what is best for you and your kid. Simple.
Click to expand...

I am trying my level best to keep my temper in control,but my MIL is soooo cretaive that every week she comes with some or other plan.
Now i am really not getting why she asked me "are u coming here" and what they have spoken to my DH.

ars · Sep 9, 2011

Stick to your plan and tell your H you are not changing it. Coming to your first one being with mil for a change say "sure you can have him and take care of him come to my mom's place pick him up" wait for her reaction. the more you say no more she will show her concern and willingness to take care of the first grand child. If you give in I think she will be back peddling and come up with reasons why she can't do it. So, just give it a try. But, land in your mom's place when you go.

harun · Sep 9, 2011

ars said: ↑

Stick to your plan and tell your H you are not changing it. Coming to your first one being with mil for a change say "sure you can have him and take care of him come to my mom's place pick him up" wait for her reaction. the more you say no more she will show her concern and willingness to take care of the first grand child. If you give in I think she will be back peddling and come up with reasons why she can't do it. So, just give it a try. But, land in your mom's place when you go.
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Even though i have streesed 100 times that i am going to my mom's place or delivery ,my MIL doesn't seem to have understood i think.
Am i the 1st person the world who is going to mom's place for delivery,thats why very particularly i want to know you ladies openion on staying at IL's place post delivery.Am i behaving so difrent to others......
My MOM's & Il's place very far so can't LEAVE my son at my Il's place & i be in my MOM'S PLACE.i AM SURE she is definitlty cooking something on this.

Anamika99 · Sep 10, 2011

What does your DH has to say in this, is he ok with you going to your parents'?
If yes, can you request him to talk to MIL and convey clearly and so not to ask you on plans again?

lochu · Sep 10, 2011

NOthing wrong in satying with In laws place as long as your comfortable.Tell your DH that you will be comfortable staying in your mom's place for x number of days after delivery and can go to in laws place once you are comfortable handling both the kids