1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

How many of you(DIL's) ask permission from MIL while going for your cousins functions

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anjali05, Jul 31, 2013.

Page 1 of 3
  1. Jul 31, 2013 #1
    anjali05

    anjali05 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    8
    1.Is it necessary to ask permission from MIL to go cousins marriage or any function?
    When I told my husband that my cousins marriage got fixed.. He told me if you want to go anywhere ask permission from mom .. For that I told without your permission I am not going to do anything... DH said no need of asking me permission just inform me before you going anywhere but ask permission to mom .. She is elder in house and you have to respect her:bowdown:bowdown

    A.After marriage my sister had house warming so I went there asking permission from DH (he was in UK)..I was staying at my home(India).. My mom had asked my mil and while going I met my inlaws and told when I am going and coming back...

    B.my husband was in uk and i have to stay back there for visa purpose.. as i posted in my last thread my MIL made my life hell .. so i thought of joining some job so that i can spend some time with releif ... I saw vacancy in college for lecturing and i asked permission from my husband he said ok do it will be Good for you... my mil was not happy with that so i said her i am joining college as lecturer otherwise i am simply waisting time at home...(is anything I did wrong in both cases? )

    now anything happens she shout at me and say you have done many mistakes when I ask what I did she tells for A& B you did whatever you want without our permission...:bonk...

    This is my first visit to India... After coming here...
    Please share with me your opinion is it necessary to ask permission ( to go out/shopping,parlour,to meet sister,friends and to go my parents home/any of our relatives home,to work) from MIL?
     
    anjali05, Jul 31, 2013
    anjali05, Jul 31, 2013
    #1
    Loading...

    Similar Threads
    1. vidhyalakshmid

      அபிமன்யு - அசாத்திய வீரன் (abimanyu)

      vidhyalakshmid, Feb 27, 2024, in forum: Interesting Shares
      Replies:
      2
      Views:
      297
      vidhyalakshmid
      Apr 7, 2024
    2. gamma50g

      How Many Of You Who Have Been Married For A Long Time Call Your Spouse Just To Talk Sweet Nothings

      gamma50g, Jan 5, 2024, in forum: Married Life
      Replies:
      4
      Views:
      1,322
      hrastro
      Jan 8, 2024
    3. Rihana

      How Many Days Before A Trip Do You Pack?

      Rihana, Oct 27, 2023, in forum: General Discussions
      Replies:
      5
      Views:
      4,795
      BeautifulSmile
      Jan 17, 2024
  2. Aug 1, 2013 #2
    Swasha

    Swasha Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    482
    Likes Received:
    359
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: How many of you(DIL's) ask permission from MIL while going for your cousins funct

    Its ridiculous. As if you are staying at hostel and asking permission. Just inform them that you are going to so and so place.
     
    Swasha, Aug 1, 2013
    Swasha, Aug 1, 2013
    #2
  3. Aug 1, 2013 #3
    Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    717
    Likes Received:
    601
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: How many of you(DIL's) ask permission from MIL while going for your cousins funct

    I know, it shd not be like this.
    I do not ask, but indirectly it happens.
    I disucss with my husband and i let him break the news to my in-laws, i prep him what to say and what not to , to avoid any opposition.
    I know in certain things before taking decisions my husband asks them
     
    Anamika99, Aug 1, 2013
    Anamika99, Aug 1, 2013
    #3
    1 person likes this.
  4. Aug 1, 2013 #4
    iyerponnu

    iyerponnu Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    305
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: How many of you(DIL's) ask permission from MIL while going for your cousins funct

    Anjali

    It does happen... the in-laws expect us to ask permission even to breathe!! My suggestion to you would be to get your husband to inform his mom, at the same time, you 'inform' her in conversation..my mom-in-law would expect my aunt/uncle to ask permission too - ie, invite my in-laws, and then tell them to 'inform me'.. there was a time when she expected my parents to tell them everything first, including the fact that they bought a new telly!!!

    Make it a point to tell her, don't ask permission, but tell her that you are planning to do this when you come to india. Also politely inform her not to plan anything for those days. This can blow up into a huge issue esp if you are travelling alone...

    Mythili

    PS: And no, you did not do anything wrong in situations A and B... :)
     
    iyerponnu, Aug 1, 2013
    iyerponnu, Aug 1, 2013
    #4
  5. Aug 1, 2013 #5
    misspink14

    misspink14 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    43
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: How many of you(DIL's) ask permission from MIL while going for your cousins funct

    This is the culture of Indian families. It is best that you speak to your husband and explain your wishes that you would like to do and then inform him to let his parents know what you are doing and that he is ok with it. I would also sit down and talk with your MIL and tell her that you would like some freedom and that you would respect that she be informed of what you are doing.
    I hope that this works for you.
     
    misspink14, Aug 1, 2013
    misspink14, Aug 1, 2013
    #5
  6. Aug 1, 2013 #6
    NirmalaGoofy

    NirmalaGoofy Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    984
    Likes Received:
    419
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: How many of you(DIL's) ask permission from MIL while going for your cousins funct

    I don't have to worry. They will never let me out and ask 1000 questions. So I have never attended any of my relatives functions. Even for my brothers wedding they created a big scene.
     
    NirmalaGoofy, Aug 1, 2013
    NirmalaGoofy, Aug 1, 2013
    #6
  7. Aug 1, 2013 #7
    breeze01

    breeze01 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,810
    Likes Received:
    1,247
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: How many of you(DIL's) ask permission from MIL while going for your cousins funct

    As long as hubby dont have any problem, You do not need any permission from mils you just inform her and go,
    I guess its the other way of putting , as elder they feel like they have every right to know where we going,what we doing which doesnt work these days. but just inform her and go thats it. dont worry about what mils says because they got something or the other to tell to dils,just have fun.
     
    breeze01, Aug 1, 2013
    breeze01, Aug 1, 2013
    #7
  8. Aug 1, 2013 #8
    nicegirlradhi

    nicegirlradhi Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    434
    Likes Received:
    444
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: How many of you(DIL's) ask permission from MIL while going for your cousins funct

    IGNORE HER. just keep her informed while taking your decision. you too have your life and u dont have to please her to live your life. respect her for what she is. Not becoz she's your DH mother
     
    nicegirlradhi, Aug 1, 2013
    nicegirlradhi, Aug 1, 2013
    #8
  9. Aug 1, 2013 #9
    vathsala30

    vathsala30 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,193
    Likes Received:
    664
    Trophy Points:
    235
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: How many of you(DIL's) ask permission from MIL while going for your cousins funct

    I am married since 33 years. Recently my MIL passes away. But till her death i used to take her permission whenever i go to any functions. Even I will ask her what is the menu for breakfast, lunch and dinner and do it accordingly . Not out of fear or some other reason but it is a mark of respect i give to a senior lady in our family
     
    vathsala30, Aug 1, 2013
    vathsala30, Aug 1, 2013
    #9
    5 people like this.
  10. Aug 1, 2013 #10
    radhaparth2000

    radhaparth2000 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,674
    Likes Received:
    654
    Trophy Points:
    233
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: How many of you(DIL's) ask permission from MIL while going for your cousins funct

    Anjali, you are old enough to make your decisions. It's always good that we inform people at home about our program's, but taking permission doesn't sound right!! You are going for a family function so information is good enough!! Same goes if you want to work, it's mutually to agree between you and your spouse!! Right from beginning I inform my inlaws about our program's, and in case of big decisions like buying property, change of job me and my spouse decide and they convey it our parents. In case they have valid points we do consider it, but final decision is ours. Same goes with our parents, they take their own decisions and definitely agree if we have valid inputs for hem
     
    radhaparth2000, Aug 1, 2013
    radhaparth2000, Aug 1, 2013
    #10
    1 person likes this.
Page 1 of 3

Share This Page