Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mlk2009, Jun 7, 2009.
Can you elaborate on what evils that thali protects us from?
Samswait, this is not at all correct. Nowadays I am seeing, every tradition we follow - right from toe rings to cooking, be it anything, in the name of feminism and so called equality we have to do the exact opposite. Obviously not every woman needs to wear a thali/mangalsutra because it is not tradition for everyone. But every country in this world have some form of a marriage symbol - a wedding ring, bangle, something. That is a sign that you respect marriage. Now whether the person wearing the same really respects and adheres to the concept is another question. But justifying each and every tradition with a scientific reason and making those who follow them look like fools is annoying. You don't want to wear, don't wear, ultimately it's up to your conscience, it appeals to you, ok fine, but telling others not to wear it or passing judgements on them because they don't conform to your standards is not right. And as I have mentioned before, keeping one standards for self and one standards for other women is the most frustrating part. If someone wears it out of respect, making an egoistical statement - she is wearing it because she has no choice, she is backward, she is an idiot, she is cattle blah blah these are not right. Wear it or leave it but don't carry an attitude of supremacy because you are defying a tradition and you are in a position to do so. There is no reason to debase women who wear it or follow anything. Keep up your chin and allow others to do the same.
Well said b234 abt the over exertion on the feminism thingy.
I wear mine (Thali, toe ring and Bindi) all the time..I wear a smaller version of thali as due to work i travel across the city and dint want to roam around with a 10 sovereign heavy chain ..Hence i am wearing a simple thali chain...I have removed it only in occasions of security check in airport and once in a trip to Mexico(Not a safe place)..I have not removed for the sake of keeping up with fashion...Same goes with Bindi...Just the size decreases for western outfits..As much as i respect people who do not follow these traditions (as its their own choice) , i expect vice versa also..I dont like people arguing with me on following these traditions in the name of feminism
Quite interesting read. Though we are Catholic, our marriage was as per Tamil tradition, and my wife wears Thali till date. It was immediately after marriage, I made two rings before we departed to Europe with initials of myself and my wife, we exchanged and wear it . Honestly, it does not matter for me if my wife want to continue or not as long as I enjoy the love and trust of her. One thing is sure, if she decides not to continue, she will be fired by none other than my MIL, make no mistake, my MIL not hers.
I do not know what I posted to deserve this diatribe against me. I never looked down upon anyone who told they are wearing them out of choice in my posts. Every tradition becomes a tradition out of a reason and those traditions may not be valuable after some point of time or after some centuries. If we do not question established traditions we cannot progress. So my question was targeted in that direction to a different person who told wearing thali will protect women from evils. I want to understand what evils he was talking about. So that is why I questioned him and I am expecting an answer from him.
@bruised234 Not sure what triggered you to write this. I have not read a single post in this thread which is shaming a women who wears (or like to wear) a thali. However there are many posts where women are proudly boasting of sole protectors and carry forward agents of the culture just because they religiously put that one thing round their neck without fail everyday and are belittling others those who dont wear. And I remember a lady writing this as being so important that she puts that even along with her skirt. Now the irony is if the culture thing is so important for her why does she wear a skirt (mini skirt i assume coz if that was a long skirt she would rather call it lehanga )? Sorry to say, but to me a lady in plain salwar suit without thali and bindi looks more culturally grounded, than a lady in miniskirt, high heels with thali, bindi, sindoor, bangles and toe-rings. If I have to visit my home-town I would rather ditch that skirt than worrying about thali (in usa anyway no one cares even if you go around like a clown).
Finally if you wear thali, great!. Does that put you on higher pedestal than other married women? No. Does this makes you a cultural ambassador of India? No way.
P.S. This post is in no way an indication whether I like to wear a thali or not !
If you see my earlier post, you would have understood the trigger,
"Finally if you wear thali, great!. Does that put you on higher pedestal than other married women? No. Does this makes you a cultural ambassador of India? No way."
My point exactly, if you don't wear thali, when you are required to wear it, does it make you smarter, no way, does it make you immoral? That depends on why you chose to not wear it, that's my point. If women want to take it out to prove a point, they are not doing it at all. Someone I know regularly takes it out and expects her hubby to bring it back to her ! If not for the fact that it was made of the gold she would have lost it long back. And the same person expects me to be fully decked from head to toe. It is ironical because she is a woman. That is my grouse, and I don't think many people would understand until they experienced it first hand. Is she smarter than me? No. Does she work harder? No. Does she have any moral standing to take it off? No. Yet she is in a position to do it, so she will do it. Just to show off. And I find that absolutely sick. It is after seeing people like her that I chose to not remove my thali as a sign of protest, because I realized it is all about exertion of power, nothing to do with other females or feminity (not feminism).
"So my question was targeted in that direction to a different person who told wearing thali will protect women from evils. I want to understand what evils he was talking about. So that is why I questioned him and I am expecting an answer from him."
That is the source of my "lecture". So unless and until you are sure that it protects you from some evil, you should not be wearing thali? I am not talking about wearing bindi, toe rings and wearing saree and decked up like a show piece. I am talking about wearing only thali. Why do you have to say that one should not wear mini-skirt if one is "really" cultured? How can you assume it is a mini-skirt in the first place? Why should we rationalize everything we do with some scientific evidence? Wearing toe-rings is good for reproductive organs, wearing thali removes negative energies, wearing gold is good, otherwise you won't wear them?. If we have to justify each and every thing and reinvent the wheel with experiences that make us understand finally why the traditions were there in the first place, don't you think it's foolishness? Wearing thali will make those men who want to make advances understand that you are not available, simple as that. It is another matter that a married woman may want to cross the line or a bad man will cross the line anyways. Those are all exceptions. In any case, not wearing thali does not make one great. It maybe makes them great when they do it for a proper cause. It should not be an ego satisfying exercise. And in the same line, if you wear a thali and cross the line that does not make you great either. But removing it and thinking you are great because you are in a position to remove it is merely an illusion. Don't ask others if it is okay or not. Are you convinced that it is okay? Then follow your principles, don't need to justify to anyone.