How Make Dh To Communicate Admist Of Friends/relatives

Vedhavalli · May 6, 2017

Hi friends,
I need your advice on how to communicate with DH when his friends or his relatives around.
My DH doesn't seem to understand when I or my kiddo wants to be home or elsewhere, when there is a party/function.
He forgets us when he is with his friends/relatives.
Esp if we go to thier house..
Let me site an example,
Last week we went to his collegue's wife's bday. Very few were invited... not even 10 people were there.
We went on time, no one showed up. Waited for others to join, cake ceremony over.
The time was 9.00pm, no dinner at bday place ( already known) so don't mind that.
Our home is just 5 min drive, I already cooked dinner. My DH was too busy to notice my 'isharas' to let's leave'.
The host was too busy with her friend, I dint have a place to sit too. Plus 2 more were standing.
Both the my DH's collegue and his wife did not bother about that.
I was too tired on standing and felt awkward.
I tried with my kiddo to call Daddy home, I told my kid in a loud voice, "come let's go home".
DH says he dint hear, in general he says I swolloed loud speaker.

I'm just irritated to the core, because this been happening for almost like 4 yrs, he never seems to understand my discomfort in unknown/little known person's or his relatives place.
I try to strike conversation, smile ... Do talk well, usually mingle with people, his friends..Yet when I don't feel good after it's late night or my kid wants to go home.

DH doesn't seem to understand, now with a toddler I'm going nuts...
Help buddies, how to tell him beforehand..
1. I tried telling him 1000 times, each time he would say, will leave when kid starts crying or I'm tired.. but never makes eye contact when I keep on staring at him.
2. Text / call/ missed call/ WhatsApp dint work.
3. Tried telling on face.. repeatedly have to keep telling him let's leave let's leave. Then too he would take 1-2 hours.
4. I tried not to attend any such party/get-together / function esp when the host is lil known person, but after coming to USA it's inevitable to do so. DH compells to come.

What else I can do?

Umanga · May 6, 2017

Vedhavalli said: ↑

Hi friends,
I need your advice on how to communicate with DH when his friends or his relatives around.
My DH doesn't seem to understand when I or my kiddo wants to be home or elsewhere, when there is a party/function.
He forgets us when he is with his friends/relatives.
Esp if we go to thier house..
Let me site an example,
Last week we went to his collegue's wife's bday. Very few were invited... not even 10 people were there.
We went on time, no one showed up. Waited for others to join, cake ceremony over.
The time was 9.00pm, no dinner at bday place ( already known) so don't mind that.
Our home is just 5 min drive, I already cooked dinner. My DH was too busy to notice my 'isharas' to let's leave'.
The host was too busy with her friend, I dint have a place to sit too. Plus 2 more were standing.
Both the my DH's collegue and his wife did not bother about that.
I was too tired on standing and felt awkward.
I tried with my kiddo to call Daddy home, I told my kid in a loud voice, "come let's go home".
DH says he dint hear, in general he says I swolloed loud speaker.

I'm just irritated to the core, because this been happening for almost like 4 yrs, he never seems to understand my discomfort in unknown/little known person's or his relatives place.
I try to strike conversation, smile ... Do talk well, usually mingle with people, his friends..Yet when I don't feel good after it's late night or my kid wants to go home.

DH doesn't seem to understand, now with a toddler I'm going nuts...
Help buddies, how to tell him beforehand..
1. I tried telling him 1000 times, each time he would say, will leave when kid starts crying or I'm tired.. but never makes eye contact when I keep on staring at him.
2. Text / call/ missed call/ WhatsApp dint work.
3. Tried telling on face.. repeatedly have to keep telling him let's leave let's leave. Then too he would take 1-2 hours.
4. I tried not to attend any such party/get-together / function esp when the host is lil known person, but after coming to USA it's inevitable to do so. DH compells to come.

What else I can do?
Click to expand...

Why is it inevitable? Why can't you relax at home with your son? Your husband can go if he wants. There is no need for you to accompany him.

yellowmango · May 6, 2017

Op....looks like he likes socialising more than you do.
Ask him lovingly when will he be ready to leave ....or ask him to drop you home and rejoin.

Give each other a little space to enjoy .

ashneys · May 6, 2017

Ur situation is understandable n will make anyone get annoyed. I think since he knows dem better, he clearly enjoys spending more time with them (which isn't a bad thing either).

Few options:

In d cases of living 5 mins drive away, y don u drive urself home leavin hubby bak. One or d other friends can drop him bak or u can offer to pik him bak if u r up for it. If u don drive, ask him to drop u n come bak.

Put in more effort to entertain urself. Wen I go to a party wer I barely know anyone, I usually pik one person who shares a similar vibe n start to talk. Hav actually ended up makin some good friends dis way too. Also in case of d chair thing, dats not nice to invite ppl n not even offer a seat. Nex time, ask for a seat instead of suffering for hours standing.

Miss a few times n state u r doin dat only bcoz of ur hubby's behaviour.

Rihana · May 6, 2017

1. Reduce the outings you guys go to.
2. Let him go by himself to a few. Don't make a scene, just tell him ahead of time that you are not interested. Don't give reason like 'you ignore me there.'
3. If venue is within 15 minutes drive, you drive back. Let him get a ride.
4. Before going to the party, decide on an approximate time at which you guys will leave. At that time, you yourself go and pleasantly but openly tell him let's leave. That does not mean he will immediately get up and come with you, but do it a few times.
5. At the party, don't keep toddler with you at all times. Let him also take care of toddler, especially the food & eating part.
6. My favorite - bring along a book or an e-book, and find a quite corner to read it. Have a suitable reason to give if anyone asks why.
7. Go and make space next to him and sit down and join his section of the party. Put toddler on his lap.

Amica · May 10, 2017

Vedhavalli said: ↑

What else I can do?
Click to expand...

Go in separate cars. Each of you can stay as long as you wish to and leave when you're ready.

skyinsc · May 10, 2017

Amica said: ↑

Go in separate cars. Each of you can stay as long as you wish to and leave when you're ready.
Click to expand...

that is if they have 2 cars which is not likely if only one spouse is working and the family hasn't been staying abroad for very long!!