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How it all happened.

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by sbonigala, Jan 11, 2012.

  1. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    May 16<SUP>th</SUP> 2001.
    “Who was that on phone?” I wanted to know what made her so tense that she kept her favorite 4PM coffee aside. The one we usually had sitting in our wonderful garden in saidabad home at Hyderabad.
    “It is my eldest sister; her son’s condition has become critical since noon.” She responded. Her voice carried a sense of pain of not being able to digest her nephew suffering from cancer. He was in his final few days of life.
    It was very clear that she could not see him dying. After all, when she was married and had no kids for 13 years, she raised her nephews like her own sons. She was a virtual mom for them. Now how could she see the eldest of them dying of such a painful disease? Though she was blessed with a child later, she made sure that her child respects her nephews in all possible aspects.

    “I am somehow worried. I want to be with my sister now. Can you manage eating in college canteen for a day?” asked my mother.

    “Sure. Please don’t worry, he would be fine. Let’s go right away and mind you, I won’t go anywhere. If you are so attached to ur nephew, am all the more attached to you amma. I will stay with you at aunt’s place.” I replied. We set off at once to Begumpet.

    Cancer – a dreadful disease, which my dad had. Unfortunately we could discover it only in the final stage. Doctors said he would live only for 3 months after the operation. And without operation, he would die at any point of time. God’s grace, he lived for 3 years after the surgery. We lost him in 1999, August. I was barely 18 years old then.

    When we reached, everyone had that scary look in their eyes. My Mom having lived with a cancer patient for over 5 years could assess the mental pressure building in the minds of her sister and her sister’s daughter in law. She said nothing just went and sat beside her daughter in law. The girl broke into tears.
    People around did everything possible. Someone rubbed his feet and palms. Someone bought vibhuthi and put in on his tongue. Someone bought santoshi matha kumkum and put in on his forehead. People were reciting vinshnusahasranamam. People, who knew treatments like Reiki, started that treatment.

    The dying man smiled and said, “Am glad that you came. They are only troubling me by doing all this. Please help them understand that these are the last few hours of my life. I don’t want to see them crying all around me. Please give me a non-emotional farewell.”

    As he said this, he slowly dozed off to a permanent sleep. Rituals followed the death. Soon the day ended and before we realized it has been already 3 days that he died.

    May 19<SUP>th</SUP>, 2001. 6:00 PM

    “Are you okay? Shall we see the doctor once?” I asked my mother, who was not well since afternoon.

    “Hey don’t worry, it is just cold and a slight rise in temperature, due to that cold water bath in your aunt’s house. I am absolutely fine” said my mother. “Let’s go to my sister’s place today. They called us to be with them over this weekend. It’s good to be together when in pain. I have packed everything. “She added.

    “Ok, you carry on, I have a few bills to pay – power and telephone ones and also the house tax. I shall pay them all and join you at their place” I said. I forgot to pay those bills earlier.

    After the death of my dad, I took over the responsibilities of my dad to some extent. I dint want my mom to feel bad for not having a son.

    By the time I reached there, they were all discussing the death of my cousin. They all wept again and again. I consoled my aunt and my mom. We all sat for dinner. My mom just had one chapathi and said she was in no mood to eat.

    May 20<SUP>th</SUP> 2001. Sunday. 10:00AM

    “Chalo ma, we are going to the doctor” I commanded. I could no longer see her suffering with that cold and fever. My mom got ready and we went to the hospital. I and a two other cousins took her to the hospital.

    “I shall get her admitted. Its more than what it’s actually appears to be” said the doctor after examining my mother.”She is very weak, let us put her on IV fluids. She will be fine by evening and you can take her home” He added.

    There was a temple beside the hospital and we could hear the devotional songs from the temple.

    I and my mother spoke of so many things - the plants in the hospital. We decided we will take home a few saplings of the floral plants in the garden.

    “Last time I was admitted in the hospital was when u were born” said my mother. She recollected the day she delivered me. The first time she saw me. She said she still thinks of me as the baby. But she was surprised that time has flown so fast and now I am a teenage girl taking up the entire responsibility if the house. We spoke till 2 in the noon. We laughed at so many comic things that I did when I was a kid.

    2:00 PM

    Sister came and gave mom an injection. I was sleeping on the spare bed there. She checked my mother’s temperature and said it was normal and that we could go home by 4.

    4:00PM

    I packed everything to go back home. Doctor came for the check up. He in fact came to write the discharge summary so that we could go home. He then noticed that my mother’s nails turned blue.
    He gave another injection.

    Soon my mother completely turned blue. And she complained that she was feeling terribly cold. Her body temperature fell drastically. She was trying hard to speak. Doctor could not figure out what actually happened.
    My cousins called many of our relatives and they all had come to the hospital. Everyone was eager to know what happened to her.

    4:25 PM
    My heart sensed something inauspicious. Before I realized what my heart sensed, the doctor came in and said “Am sorry dear. We lost her”.

    At once my mind was blank. My inspiration has rested in peace. My only friend was dead. She will no more be back. Never again will I have her company. Never again would I feel the warmth of sleeping in her lap. Never again would I get to see those love filled eyes which woke me up during exams. Yes we come alone leave alone and all the relations we make are just temporary. We were together for 20 years. Where was I before that? Where will she be now? How would I be now? 20 long years of a wonderful relationship, came to a drastic end in just 25 minutes!!!

    Yes in just 25 minutes..everything was over. Nothing was left. There was no one whom I could call mine. Truly mine. Suddenly world seemed so big and I seemed so small.. so lonely.. so aloof.


    Only one thing that struck me was “tears do not bring anything to us nor take us anywhere.” My dad taught me this.



    Though people convince me that she is seeing from above, is it not different from being right here with me and witnessing my life. I wish I could have one lone chance to tell her how much I loved her. And how much I miss her. I wish she could see how well settled I am and how lovely my kids are. Just one chance..one and only one...
    How foolish was I to fight with her for all stupid reasons... how matured she was when she explained me why and where was I going wrong,when I did some mistake..

    We went home with her body. After the rituals.. we all came back.. had some tea. All the elders slept for a while.

    It was then I realized.. though there were so many around.. the house seemed so empty.. the charm was lost.. its no more a home.. its just a house. I could still hear the laughter of my mom..In the bedroom, her sarees reminded of every occassion onwhich she bought them. All my clothes which she carefully selected...her sandles.. her spects.. her pens.. her magazines..Where was that sweet voice which called me.."bangaru ekkadunnav.. ??"

    Every part of the house was missing her.. how could I not!!


    Still I could not cry.. why - the pain was beyond tears.. tears would never be enough to let out the pain of losing her.. losing her forever.




    P.S - I am not writing this to gather pity from users :) .
    I just want my friends here to know that when I could hold on to life at such a young age, all alone, my friends (on IL) too can. All it needs is a goal and a determination to acheive it at any cost, come what may.. AT ANY COST, COME WHAT MAY and dont forget to smile - u never know who is falling in love with your smile ;-) :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2012
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  2. twinbabyhopes

    twinbabyhopes Senior IL'ite

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    sbonigala,

    i am touched.....the way of ur wiriting......
    the pain u have in ur heart.....
    hug u .....
    i could not conrol my tears...no words
    take care.....
     
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  3. Jananikrithsan

    Jananikrithsan Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Shalu,
    Hugs to you! It is so painful seeing family go away to rest in eternal peace!
     
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  4. sushmavja

    sushmavja Platinum IL'ite

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    shalu,
    i have no words to console you..i feel so sad after reading your post..its so different from the pleasant post you posted last time(my real life story)..anyway i am happy that god has been kind to you by giving you a husband whom u love a lot..(na uddesam lo preminchina vyakti ni pelli chesukovadam antha adrustam inka emi undadu)..
     
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  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Sbonigala,

    Am speechless. All I can say is a very big hug to you.
     
  6. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Very true Sushma. Still when i see my friends being able to depend on their mothers for help/guidance or when my friends buy them surprise gifts it hurts me a lot. Again, I have made up my mid that its all HIS decision and we humans are just mortals who have no other choice except to accept his decision.
     
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  7. mansimahi

    mansimahi Gold IL'ite

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    Hugs, hugs and lots and lots of love to you.... I have nothing to say!!!
     
  8. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sbonigala,

    Just saw your post script. Please let me assure here, this is not sympathy or pity, it is pure empathy. The post really touches a deep chord in all of us (many of us have suffered similar pain and many of us live in dread of having to face it at some point in our lives). It is indeed very admirable how you have survived those tough times and are now well settled in life. I am sure wherever your parents are they must be really very proud of you.
     
  9. aaral

    aaral Silver IL'ite

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    You are one brave lady, You are an inspiration to all the ILites. hats off to you
     
  10. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Aaral,thanks for quoting me brave. Inspiration - If someone is inspired by me - what else is really required in life than to be a positive inspiration to someone. :)
     

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