Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Oct 22, 2019.
Wow...that would be awesome
In my view that’s a lot of socializing I meant in a nice way I love that but with my buddies am comfy with..but all moved or moving away
True but again it has to be with people you “connect” with..that’s the toughest expectation
Wow! That is a lot of interaction. I envy you and I need to talk to you to learn how to do it successfully. Honestly, I do too little of that.
Question for you. Do any of your friends ask for a meeting with your spouse? If so, how comfortable he would be meeting with someone he didn't know well enough? Sometimes, when I oblige my wife, I find completely lost as their discussions and interactions are totally foreign to me.
That is the key to the success of any friendship.
I used to be that person who doesnt want to go to any socializing. Because I felt a lot of things @anika987 said, having moved from India, first few people I met here were all not very welcoming and felt I am stuck with those people and I never wanted to hang out with them, but have to because there were no other friends (Or so I felt). That continued for couple years and then i moved to a new city for going to college, I made some new friends, i discovered what I like and don't like. It was still hard to find friends that share your state of mind. But eventually, I found my tribe. I tried to make friends, inviting them over tea or coffee or dinner, just like dating, and see if they like us and like to do activities together. A few friends stuck. Some moved away or we moved away, but we kept in touch. After 10 years now, I still feel the first few friends were the worst ones. they are good people, but not good friends.
So we have 2 families out of state who visits us during thanksgiving and Christmas every year, since 3 years. They include us even when their parents visit from India, so we meet at least 2-3 times a year despite in 3 different states. These are the longest of the relationships so far that stuck to us that my husband and I hang out together.
We have one family in town whom we go out with for all local, school or indian stuff. This is at least once a month, most of the time it turns out something every week.
We have a bunch of other friends (4 families - they are all telugu, but they took us in to their group when we were the only keralites in the neighborhood) who we hang out occasionally - every once or twice. We have whatsapp group with all of these, but separate to keep informed of invitations. Sometimes we have to turn down invitations but I make sure I invite them back to my house for the missed event.
We have one other local family where we invite ourselves to their home and hang out, but the group will not go well when they are with other people. For that reason we entertain all of the above groups separately, so who ever visits are comfortable in the group. that needs a lot of time. It is a lot of team effort - he is the one who the entertains while I manage food. This is mostly our socializing but we love every minute of it. It doesnt feel forced or like"we have to do it for the niceties". So for now, I am sure we have at least 3 families who are really good friends who will be with us for at least next few years. Also we have a bunch of personal friends from 7+ years, but only talk on phone periodically, but don't miss a beat of our mutual life. it sure is a lot of work, but as long as you enjoy it, it is worth it. There is always something to look forward to every week, even a free week with no meet ups!!
I am an introvert. I had only 2 or 3 friends in school and college. Now i dont even have contact with that 2/3 people. For me friendships have been always like passing clouds. Although, i dont miss not having friends. But i have a distant cousin,with whom im very close to. We talk with each almost everyday. because we have mutual relatives, we always have something to talk about. So my socialising skills are not very good. But i dont stress too much about not having friends.
Anything superficial is as good as non-existing friendship. How do we find those who carry those invisible daggers with an intent to let others down to boost themselves up? Are they hurting themselves or others through this attitude? Can we avoid this invisible injury by adjusting our own reactions to it?
The only way to deal personally what I learnt is to be neutral.
I try to be a good listener and hardly give opinions.However,I observe people and it helps to figure out who I can trust and who I cannot.
I never go too close to anyone but am nice to people I meet.Plus I talk very generic and avoid personal questions.
I could not control myself