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How Important Are Shared Interests?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by overthinker, Jan 14, 2017.

  1. overthinker

    overthinker New IL'ite

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    This is 100% (point to point) the situation between me and her.

    Did you know within the first few minutes of meeting up with him that you found him attractive (and vice versa) ?

    In my case, in every alliance, either the girl goes crazy over me or I go crazy over the girl. It has never happened that we were mutually crazy over each other. I just turned 31 and not getting any younger. I am prepared to work really hard and wait patiently to get what I want. I don't know if I should keep waiting for the perfect one who may not exist (and go through endless alliances) or be more practical.

    Can attraction develop over time, slowly, after marriage (assuming there is like 10% initial attraction from both sides)?
     
  2. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    You are really overthinking:)
    Love is something which can only be felt by you.What do you mean by perfect anyways?Even if you find the perfect one according to your standards,what if you are not the perfect one for her?Things are still not going to work :)

    Marriage is a commitment between two people.Real life is far,very far from movies.No one knows what can happen the next moment.Every relationship NEEDS WORK.

    So then what keeps two people together??Their interests,looks,money??nope.It is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

    One amongst the couple is bound to make certain sacrifices or change themselves.You might have to give up what you like or she might have to give up what she likes.ADJUSTMENTS and TOLERANCE is the key.tolerance is different from being a door mat.

    Nothing is perfect,no one is perfect,life will put you in lots of trials and tribulations ,you may fight with her forever but if you feel she is the one for you,you will never let her go and vice Versa.
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    We had an arranged marrage.
    I said yes immediately.because I found him very cute and he seemed to be reasonable.
    For me...love happened very fast ,I think for him it happened dheere dheere......
     
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  4. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Hmmmm ... why focus so heavily on existing interests? It's not as if you are chained to them permanently in a totally defining way (self-defining or other-defining). You two can simply tell yourselves that you're going to look for things that you can enjoy doing together and then explore. 'How about this' one weekend and 'how about that' another weekend. She gets to suggest option-1, then you get to pick option-2 and so on till the end of time. Everybody has some "I've always wanted to ...." stuff. That exploration can be fun in itself and you may eventually hit on some thing(s) you both like. What makes a relationship is is not the event in itself, but the stories - "remember that time when we ....?"
    :beer-toast1:
     
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  5. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    I like to have my own private space, doing my own things. Who would want to spend every waking moments together, day after day for decades.
     
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  6. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    In the famous novel "Pride and Prejudice" (or ;) "All About Arranged Marriages") by Jane Austen, one character called Charlotte Lucas, says this:

    "`Well,'' said Charlotte, ``I wish Jane success with all my heart; and if she were married to him to-morrow, I should think she had as good a chance of happiness as if she were to be studying his character for a twelve-month. Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other, or ever so similar before-hand, it does not advance their felicity in the least. They always contrive to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation; and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life.''

    <Obviously, that was a girl's perspective; even in those Elizabethan Times, girls were "adjustable" -- Nonya>
     
  7. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    I cant generalize whether marriages without many shared interests work ok or not. I am in a marriage where we have one major shared interest that is travelling and only that has probably kept us together. But lack of other shared interests means we have very less to talk about. Likes are different from.interests . One can like bollywood, one Hollywood, thats not a big deal. But if one wants to spend weekends socualizing and another wants to chill alone, thats going to be filled with adjustments
     
  8. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    Having shared interest is blown out of proportions, especially in cultures that have the practice of "dating" before marriage. When families work hard to find good matches for their children (good education, good jobs, same/similar eating/cooking habits, same/similar celebration of festivals and events of the year etc.. ), the peripheral differences of what movies, books, events, sports etc.. that each of them like hardly matters. Because, it is more than likely, that newly weds might find a grand common interest in discovering how great sex could be, and then if they make any mistakes in the use of delaying that other common interest -- the stork will visit them, and deliver a common interest they could share for the next couple of decades.

    People who fret about common interests, or lack of them, should just relax, and focus on the short list of candidates for boy-dekko (or girl-dekko, as the case could be) as well as learn about how to delay the stork while you explore the common interest.
     
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  9. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    ;):D;):laughing:
     

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