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How Husbands React When You Are Sick?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Reesha, Jun 27, 2019.

  1. aahuti

    aahuti Senior IL'ite

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    I don't know why,this thread takes me back to my first episode of sickness after my wedding which was exactly 4 days after the big day.
    I went down high grade fever.Real bad.
    My husband would turn up occasionally by my bedside and ask if I was well and then go sit with his family.
    Medicine administered by him.
    Asked if I needed fruits by younger BIL.
    Other than that I kept on lying there like a destitute.
    Got well after a few days.
    My expectations were high in the initial few years of marriage ,so I complained that he didn't do enough or show enough care.
    Here's his golden answer,"What would my parents think?That I am giving way too much attention to you and ignoring them.":eek:
    Since then ,a lot has changed vis a vis ,the demography of the family and his relationship with them,but his grade of care has not escalated much other than prompt delivery of healthcare.

    However ,if he falls ill...:yikes:

    He cannot have me leaving his side and suspend everything else but baby him.
    I have even slept for a few days hot June without a fan while he was suffering a fever and could not stand the fan.He was like"Stay here please..."And I was like"How(to myself)?"but stuck along anyways.

    Right now I am down with a flu since the last 4 days.
    Doing all that I do on regular days (with much reduced efficiency,though).
    Browsing , however did me good in 2 ways.
    1.I came across this thread and vented.
    2.Learnt the difference between a "Mommy flu" and "Man flu".

    Google it guys.Sure will crack you up.
  2. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

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    Ofcource there will

    Ofcource there will be a lot of difference between man sickness and women sickness,that to coming to wife they will think that it's nothing and we should be active even though when we can't get out of the bed,
    The Same thing happens to there mom they act as no one is having mother and sit with them all those days and will ask us to sit and even make us as a nurse to them,
    If they are not well means they think they are the ones who is going with that pain and no one can bear that ,
    Men's never change there way of thinking and think that they are only humans no one else is ....
  3. Nuzhath

    Nuzhath New IL'ite

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    In my experience, I have realised that each relationship is different and also depends on the financial status of the family. If the wife is sick and the husband can afford takeaways - he will be willing and generally order food - available online these days. Some men may even cajole you to get up and cook some rice or something for the family to eat. The alpha males will probably do the whole gamut of work you do - but that can only happen when he does it on a daily basis when you are fit and fine. If you are working woman who has to report to work a few days after surgery, you will not have much time to get the rest and attention from your family. But use the surgery or the illness as a guide mark for you to ease your relation with your husband. He should be made aware that post the illness or surgery - you will no longer be the extra efficient wife at home. He should be made to understand that you will sleep a little extra, will not make that extra chutney etc.
    While giving advice is good, I have seen that some men are callous to the point of being inhuman. I have seen such families as well, where the wife has to continue with her daily work - in spite of shooting pain or post surgery.

    About the point you made on teaching sons to be better men.. I think from an early age, young boys must be taught to respect the work women do. They should be trained to treat maids well, help in the kitchen, look after a sick relative and develop empathy. Boys should be largely taught by example. I don't have a son, but I think these values must be ingrained at a very early age. They should be taught to be caring towards their sisters, yet not fall prey to sisterly rants and whims. If they fall victim to your or your daughter's attempt to dominate them.. they will either rebel later and not listen to their wives at all or will continue to be dominated. This applies to health care as well.. if they are not trained to apply zandu balm, ,to you or other female members of the family from an early age.. they will not have the mind muscle memory to do the same to their wife.

    Every young mother should take small baby steps in this direction to enable their sons to become good husbands and fathers later on in their life.
    Sweety2019 and Angela123 like this.
  4. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Ok.. For me it is a very tricky situation. You need to have a lot of understanding about your spouse (or men in general) to turn such situations on your favor.

    My husband will not even understand anything unless I explicitly complain about my sickness to him. No hints or signs of sickness will get to him.
    Partly I also need to be blamed for his confusions. Because, I am very prone to sickness, and I get away with it some or the other way. I have a very high tolerance when it comes to pain and general sickness after becoming a mother. At times I would complain about stomach pain (during menstrual cycles due to hormonal issues/fibroid etc), or headache (migraine) back pain (I guess it is due to those 2 c-sections) and leg swelling/pain (kind of arthritis) more often than not.
    I would have either this or that sickness to complain almost on a daily basis. Constant travelling for work add more pressure to this, and that puts me off.
    But it is just in my body only. When it comes to cooking special things, or celebrating the day with kids, or fun parties, movies, having guests etc..etc... I tend to completely forget my pains... or rather I just have learnt to live with it. Therefore, others don't really think that I have problems.
    Unless and until I tell this to my husband openly, and asks his help with clear instructions, he would simply brush them off in his usual busy life.
    Therefore, instead of worrying why he isn't spontaneous on caring me during my sickness, I've learnt to ask for helps.
    And that works.

    If I tell him that I have stomach pain or head ache, so that I won't be able to cook for the day... he is perfectly fine with it. Even before I finish my sentences, he would offer to cook or order food from outside as a matter of giving me some rest.
    He would also take care of the kids, and make sure they won't disturb me while I am resting.
    He would even make special coffee or hot/cold packs to relieve me from the pain/sickness spontaneously.
    But the strong me, can't rest all the day just like that. After 30 mins or so, i get bored out inside the room; hence come out to do the usual chores. Sometimes, my H scolds me for being active when in pain - and I know how to translate his anger to caring....
    Angela123 likes this.

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